Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (summer reading list txt) 📗

mind anything at all.

Mr. Bennet.

Let us be thankful that you are preserved from a state of such insensibility. But it certainly is a most iniquitous affair, and nothing can clear Mr. Collins from the guilt of inheriting Longbourn. However, you know he is doing his best to mend matters. He has not only handsomely apologised for his fault, but he has now assured us of his readiness to make every possible amends by marrying one of the girls. Surely, my dear, you must acknowledge that this plan is excessively generous on his part.

Mrs. Bennet.

[Dolefully.] Well, I suppose it might be worse.

Mr. Bennet.

[Cheerfully.] Decidedly worse. With Jane so well settled, and a single man like Mr. Bingley in prospect, I think you should be quite cheerful.

Mrs. Bennet.

[Excited once more.] Mr. Bingley! We shall never know Mr. Bingley. Oh, Mr. Bennet, you take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.

Mr. Bennet.

You mistake, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.

Mrs. Bennet.

Ah! You do not know what I suffer.

Lydia.

[Bursting into the room, followed by Jane.] Oh, that horrid practice! [Looking back at Jane.] Jane does so keep me at it. [Throwing herself into a chair.] La, I'm tired to death.

Jane.

[Who sees that her mother is half crying, goes and stands behind her chair, puts her hand affectionately on her shoulder, and bends over her.] Does your head ache, mamma?

Mrs. Bennet.

Of course my head aches. Your father is so teasing. I cannot persuade him to call on Mr. Bingley at Netherfield, so I suppose we shall never know him.

Jane.

[Smiling.] But you forget, mamma, that we shall meet him at the assemblies, and Lady Lucas has promised to introduce him.

Mrs. Bennet.

I do not believe Lady Lucas will do any such thing. She has daughters of her own. She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her.

Mr. Bennet.

No more have I, and I am glad to find that you do not depend on her serving you.

Mrs. Bennet.

I may have to depend on her after all, Mr. Bennet, since you will do nothing to help me. [Fretfully to Lydia, who has been yawning and coughing.] Don't keep coughing, Lydia, for Heaven's sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves.

[Lydia pouts and looks unutterable things.]

Mr. Bennet.

Lydia has no discretion in her coughs. She times them ill.

Lydia.

I do not cough for my own amusement, papa. Jane, when is your next ball?

Jane.

To-morrow fortnight.

Mrs. Bennet.

[Starting excitedly.] Ay, so it is—and Lady Lucas does not come back till the day before. So you see it will be impossible for her to introduce Mr. Bingley, for she will not know him herself.

Mr. Bennet.

Then, my dear, you may have the advantage of your friend, and you can introduce Mr. Bingley to her.

Mrs. Bennet.

Impossible, Mr. Bennet, when I am not acquainted with him myself. How can you be so teasing?

Mr. Bennet.

I honour your circumspection. A fortnight's acquaintance is certainly very little. But if we do not venture, somebody else will, and if you decline the office I will take it upon myself.

Mrs. Bennet.

[As the two girls stare at their father.] Oh, nonsense—nonsense! I am sick of Mr. Bingley!

Mr. Bennet.

I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me so before? If I had known as much a week ago, I certainly should not have called upon him.

Mrs. Bennet.

[Springing from her chair and throwing her arms about Mr. Bennet's neck.] What! You have really called upon him? Oh, how good in you, my dear Mr. Bennet!

Mr. Bennet.

It is very unlucky; but as I have actually paid the visit—and as he will very likely return it at any time, and bring his friend, Mr. Darcy, with him—we cannot now avoid the acquaintance of Mr. Bingley and his party.

Mrs. Bennet.

Oh, my dear Mr. Bennet, I was sure you loved your girls too well to neglect such an acquaintance. [Mr. Bennet deftly takes her hands from his shoulders. She stands looking fondly at him.] Well, how pleased I am! And it was such a good joke that you should have already paid Mr. Bingley a visit and never said a word about it.

Mr. Bennet.

Yes. Yes. Well, I must go to the library. [He goes to the door, but stops for a moment.] Now, Lydia, you can cough as much as you choose. [He goes out.]

Mrs. Bennet.

[Looking after Mr. Bennet.] What an excellent father you have, girls! [Turns to the girls.] I do not know how you will ever make him amends for his kindness, or me either, for that matter. At our time of life it is not so pleasant to be making new acquaintances every day. But for your sakes we would do anything. [Looking about her.] Where is Lizzy? Lydia, my love, where is your sister?

Lydia.

Oh, she is out walking with Charlotte Lucas and that dismal Mr. Collins.

Mrs. Bennet.

Lizzy—out walking with Mr. Collins? Why didn't you go, Jane?

Jane.

I had to practise with Lydia.

Lydia.

I'm sure I would have excused you. But what is Mr. Collins here for, mamma? I am sure I caught Mr. Wickham and Colonel Forster laughing at him the day we went to Meryton. Why does papa have a cousin like that?

Mrs. Bennet.

He really cannot help it. It is the entail, my love—[Mysteriously.] But I hope that all you girls will be very civil to him, Jane especially.

Jane.

I—mamma?

Mrs. Bennet.

[Embarrassed.] Yes—my love.—You see——

[She is interrupted by the sound of laughter outside, and Elizabeth's voice.]

Elizabeth.

Very well, Mr. Collins.

[Mrs. Bennet makes a sudden awed gesture of silence to the girls, who fail to understand. Elizabeth enters by the glass doors. She is dressed in winter walking costume: a large hat,—fur-trimmed pelerine, and a large muff. She stops in the doorway and looks at Mrs. Bennet, half puzzled and smiling.]

Elizabeth.

Well, what is it, mamma? What is the matter?

Mrs. Bennet.

Nothing. Hush! What have you done with Mr. Collins?

Elizabeth.

[Laughing.] Oh, Mr. Collins is safe! He has gone round to the library.

Mrs. Bennet.

[With a sigh of relief.] How providential!

Elizabeth.

[Looking back.] But I have brought someone else with me.

[Mr. Wickham and Charlotte Lucas come in gaily.]

All.

[Exclaiming.] Oh, Mr. Wickham!

Wickham.

[To Mrs. Bennet.] How do you do, Mrs. Bennet? This is indeed a pleasure. [Going over to Jane.] Miss Bennet, I am so glad to see you. [Reproachfully.] You were not with our party! [To Lydia.] Why do you never come to Meryton, Miss Lydia? Mr. Denny is quite downcast.

Lydia.

[Pouting.] La, Mr. Denny!

Wickham.

And many others beside him, Miss Lydia.

[Lydia giggles. Wickham returns to Mrs. Bennet.]

Mrs. Bennet.

Well, 'tis an age since we saw you, Mr. Wickham. What have you been doing?

Wickham.

Colonel Forster keeps me so busy that I have no time for enjoyment.

Elizabeth.

Yes, Mr. Wickham bears all the marks of an harassed and overworked man.

Wickham.

[Bowing to Elizabeth.] Thank you, Miss Elizabeth. You have given me the very terms I needed. [To Mrs. Bennet.] You see before you, Mrs. Bennet, an harassed and overworked man. Miss Elizabeth will bear witness that I was on my way to a business appointment when I yielded to temptation and went off for a walk with her and Miss Lucas and their irreproachable escort.

Elizabeth.

And Miss Elizabeth will also testify that you yielded with the celerity and ease of long practice.

Wickham.

[Laughing; to Elizabeth.] But in this case who was the tempter?

Elizabeth.

Oh, I will admit that Mr. Collins was partially responsible.

[All laugh.]

Mrs. Bennet.

Come, Lizzy, you have been talking to Mr. Wickham all the morning. Now, let some of the rest of us have a chance. [Turning to Wickham.] You must stay to dinner, Mr. Wickham.

Wickham.

I wish I might. That is indeed a temptation. But you know Miss Elizabeth has just reminded me of my duty.

Mrs. Bennet.

Oh, nobody ever minds Lizzy!

Wickham.

Truly, I cannot to-day, Mrs. Bennet. It is too bad, but I am to meet Colonel Forster [Smiling at Elizabeth] on important business at the Drake Farm.

Mrs. Bennet.

Well, I am very sorry.

Wickham.

[Hesitatingly.] I might perhaps bring Colonel Forster in for a few moments on the way back—that is, if we return this way.

All.

Oh, yes, do.

Mrs. Bennet.

Yes, indeed. Tell Colonel Forster we should be delighted to see him.

Wickham.

Thank you, I will. But now I really must be gone. [Bowing brightly to Jane and Lydia.] Good morning.

[To Charlotte Lucas.] Good morning, Miss Lucas. You must let me hear more about those clever plans of yours. I am vastly interested in them. [To Elizabeth.] Good morning, Miss Elizabeth. [Laughing.] You must try to temper your justice with mercy the next time I join you in a walk. [Pausing, he looks at Mrs. Bennet, who is standing between her daughters.] Do you know, Mrs. Bennet, that you always remind me of one of my old schoolboy phrases. Filiæ pulchræ!—Mater pulchrior! Good-bye.

[He runs off laughing. He has only gone a few steps when Lydia, who has been standing close to the door, runs out and calls to him.]

Lydia.

Oh, Mr. Wickham!

[Wickham turns and Lydia runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. Wickham laughs, then shakes his finger at her, still laughing, and goes off. Lydia stops outside and watches him.]

Jane.

Really, mamma, I think you should speak to Lydia. She is too forward.

Mrs. Bennet.

Nonsense! You are jealous.

Jane.

Jealous! Of Lydia?

Mrs. Bennet.

Well, she is no more forward than any of you. All you girls are crazy about Mr. Wickham. [Indulgently.] But I can't wonder at it. He certainly is a most engaging young man. What were those French words he said to me as he went out, Lizzy?

Elizabeth.

They were Latin, dear. He paid a very charming compliment to our pretty mamma. He said—The daughters are lovely, but the mother is lovelier. You know papa always says that you are handsomer than any of us.

Mrs. Bennet.

My dear Lizzy, I certainly have had my share of beauty, but I don't pretend to be anything extraordinary now. [Mr. Collins enters.] Oh, Mr. Collins, there you are.

Mr. Collins.

[Bowing profoundly.] I do not find Mr. Bennet in the library, Madam. Do you know where he is?

Mrs. Bennet.

Why, really, Mr. Collins, I can't imagine. Did you enjoy your walk?

Mr. Collins.

Most assuredly, Madam. The beauties of nature, not only in the landscape, but also [Bowing to Elizabeth and Charlotte Lucas.] in the blooming countenances of my fair companions, made our expedition a peculiarly enjoyable one.

Mrs. Bennet.

Well, I am very glad of it, I am sure. [To Jane and Lydia.] Girls, we haven't told Lizzy and Charlotte the news.

Elizabeth.

What news, mamma?

Mrs. Bennet.

[Looking at Charlotte with an ill-concealed triumph.] Oh, nothing of consequence, Lizzy, only your father has just told us that we may expect a visit at any time from our new neighbour, Mr. Bingley, and that friend of his who is stopping with him.

Elizabeth.

Oh, Mr. Bingley! That will be entertaining. [Suddenly with mischief she turns to Mr. Collins, who all through this latter conversation