trapped - Caitlynn.s (bill gates book recommendations .TXT) 📗

they keep me whole... they keep me saine.If it wasnt for them i swear i'd end my life in a heart beat.Nobody undertsands or even knows what i go through everyday exept them and they help me through it. They wipe my tears and help cover for me on why i have another bruise or why i missed a day.Its not that they dont want to tell on my father but they dont for me. I love my dad i do i always have and always will he does beat me and yes drugs are more important than me but i dont want him to go... i want him to get better. but at this point i think its hopeless to even care...
dad

My mom gets home around 7 or 8 so weekends suck when I have to stay home all day with my dad and my brothers. School has always been like a vacation to me, gets me away from everything and everyone in the house. My mom understands everything, how i feel and why i feel it but she doesn't do anything because she "loves him".I love him too but he's not going to get better. He has been in jail 5 times since i was born and he has been in rehab 3 times. yes he went to rehab, but he didn't do that for himself or for us.. he did it because the judge told him if he didn't go to rehab he would have to spend more time in jail.... he did it for himself. He was clean for a little bit but that's only because he is on probation and he was getting piss tested every week. He is still on probation but he doesn't get tested as much anymore so he is doing more drugs.The judge also told him if he got caught again he would have to go to prison for 30 years, and he is using again. So as i said he obviously doesn't care about his family so why should we care? His idiot probation officer tells him before she shows up to test him so he knows when he has to stop using so he doesn't get caught.Those are the worse days. he gets even more pissy and he hits harder.

mom

I understand she loves him so do the rest of us but i guess she isan't realizing he isant supporting this family she is he isan't caring for this family all he does is show us that he does't care.He doesn't treat us like his family he treats us all like shit. I am here for my mom whenever she needs me just as she is for me, we talk about what needs to be done but she never puts her foot down.My brother showed her the bruise dad left on his ass last night and she was sympathetic about it but she didn't say anything to dad about it because she is afraid of him. I feel so bad for her , she feels like if she leaves dad she is hurting us, that leaving him will hurt this family. She doesn't get that him leaving will be better for all of us. She won't be scared anymore and i wont have to use a pound of make up a day to cover the bruises he leaves on my face. My brothers wont end up just like him, wont end up as abusive husbands and fathers, wont end up in jail for drugs. She doesn't get he drags us down and him leaving will be the best for all of us.

him <3

I have known Rj since 3rd grade ... we "dated" in elementary school.It wasn't really a relationship i guess i mean i really liked him and all but we never hung out we never kissed we just acted like best friends. He was in 5th grade and i was in 4th when we "dated". We broke up ... He was going to lake weir middle and i was supposed to go to , but i was gonna stay with someone else and go to fort MCcoy. I always told myself that's why we broke up so it wouldn't hurt as much. Well for 6th grade i ended up going to lake weir too. We dated again but it didn't last long, i was different back then shy i guess.. we never really talked. I still liked him then i regreted being so shy cause maybe if i wasn't i would have still had him. Well both of us now go to lake weir high school and April 23 , 2012 we started dating again<3 we have been going for 2 months now and i pray to god everyday he lets us stay together... I don't know what i'd do if ilost him. Just as Rosie and crystal to he keeps me sane, he is always there for me when i need him and he makes me feel wanted and special in a way no one else can. I love him with all my heart... he makes me forget about whats going to happen when i get home...

and he calls himself a father ?

I went to my aunts house last night , he told me i had to be home at 1 ... so i came home at 12:30 so hopefully i wouldn't get yelled at ya know ? well i come home and see MY DAD'S dog is out in the yard stringing trash... so i put him on the chain and i clean up the mess. If i didn't i would have gotten grounded. I get done cleaning up after the dog and i knock on the door because its locked ... ya know i should have to bring my key absolutely everywhere because my dad don't work and he don't have a license so where the hell should he be at 12 in the afternoon ?!? Well i'm banging on the door and no body is answering , So i walk over to my grandmas house i grab the phone and call my dads cell phone .. of course he doesn't answer so i call the house phone thinking maybe i didn't knock loud enough. Nobody answered that either. So I explained what's happened so far , then finally dad calls back i answer the phone and was like " hello "... " hello?!" .... and he was like " hi " he sounded stoned as fuck , so i tell him i'm at my grandmas because him and the boys are gone. Well turns out he left my 7 year old brother at home alone for only god knows how long while he went and did whatever the hell he did... i call my mom and she is flipping out , she called him 7 times and he never answered. My grandma called him and he said he was home , she came over to my house and we searched the house and he damn sure wasn't there. Well he finally walks through the door fucking yelling and screaming at me telling me that the door was unlocked and he was home and a bunch of bull shit. The