A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY - Edward Payson Roe (best color ebook reader TXT) 📗

Will Remain In this City Until I Compel The Respect Of Its

Proudest Citizen."

 

 

 

The Moment He Ceased his Passionate Utterance, Mrs. Arnot Said Kindly

And Gravely:

 

 

 

"Egbert, You Are Mistaken. There Was No Scorn In my Eyes, But Rather

Deep Pity And Sorrow. While Your Course Has Been Very Wrong, You Have No

Occasion To Despair, And As Long As You Will Try To Become A True Man

You Shall Have My Sympathy And Friendship. You Do Not Understand Your

Mother. She Loves You As Truly As Ever, And Is Willing To Make Any

Sacrifice For You. Only, Her Fuller Knowledge Of The World Makes Her

Realize More Truly Than You Yet Can The Consequences Of Your Act. The

Sudden Shock Has Overwhelmed her. Her Distress Shows How Deeply She Is

Wounded, And You Should Try To Comfort Her By A Lifetime Of Kindness."

 

 

 

"The Best Way I Can Comfort Her Is By Deeds That Will Wipe Out The

Memory Of My Disgrace; And," He Continued, His Impulsive, Sanguine

Spirit Kindling With The Thought And Prospect, "I Will Regain All And

More Than I Have Lost. The Time Shall Come When Neither She Nor My

Sisters Will Have Occasion To Blush For Me, Nor To Seclude Themselves

From The World Because Of Their Relation To Me."

 

 

 

"I Should Think My Heart Was Sufficiently Crushed and Broken Already,"

Mrs. Haldane Sobbed, "Without Your Adding To Its Burden By Charging Me

With Being an Unnatural Mother. I Cannot Understand How A Boy Brought Up

As Religiously As You Have Been Can Show Such Strange Depravity. The

Idea That A Child Of Mine Could Do Anything Which Would Bring Him To

Such A Place As This!"

 

 

 

His Mother'S Words And Manner Seemed to Exasperate Her Son Beyond

Endurance, And He Exclaimed passionately:

 

 

 

"Well, Curse It All! I Am Here. What'S The Use Of Harping On That Any

Longer? Can'T You Listen When I Say I Want To Retrieve Myself? As To My

Religious Bringing Up, It Never Did Me A Particle Of Good. If You Had

Whipped my Infernal Nonsense Out Of Me, And Made Me Mind When I Was

Little--There, There, Mother," He Concluded more Considerately, As She

Began To Grow Hysterical Under His Words, "Do, For God'S Sake, Be More

Composed! We Can'T Help What Has Happened now. I'Ll Either Change The

World'S Opinion Of Me, Or Else Get Out Of It."

 

 

 

"How Can I Be Composed when You Talk In so Dreadful A Manner? You Can'T

Change The World'S Opinion. It Never Forgives And Never Forgets. It'S

The Same As If You Had Said, I'Ll Either Do What Is Impossible Or Throw

Away My Life!"

 

 

 

"My Dear Mrs. Haldane," Said Mrs. Arnot, Gently But Firmly, "Your Just

And Natural Grief Is Such That You Cannot Now Judge Correctly And Wisely

Concerning This Matter. The Emergency Is So Unexpected and So Grave That

Neither You Nor Your Son Should Form Opinions Or Make Resolves Until

There Has Been Time For Calmer Thought. Let Me Take You Home With Me

Now, And As Soon As Egbert Is Released he Can Join You There."

 

 

 

"No, Mrs. Arnot," Said Haldane Decidedly; "I Shall Never Enter Your

Parlor Again Until I Can Enter It As A Gentleman--As One Whom Your

Other Guests, Should I Meet Them, Would Recognize As A Gentleman. Your

Kindness Is As Great As It Is Unexpected, But I Shall Take No Mean

Advantage Of It."

 

 

 

"Well, Then," Said Mrs. Arnot With A Sigh, "Nothing Can Be Gained by

Prolonging This Painful Interview. We Are Detaining Mr. Melville, And

Delaying Egbert'S Release. Come, Mrs. Haldane; I Can Take You To The

Private Entrance Of A Quiet Hotel, Where You Can Be Entirely Secluded

Until You Are Ready To Return Home. Egbert Can Come There As Soon As The

Needful Legal Forms Are Complied with."

 

 

 

"No," Said The Young Man With His Former Decision, "Mother And I Must

Take Leave Of Each Other Here. Mother Wants No Jail-Birds Calling On Her

At The Hotel. When I Have Regained my Social Footing--When She Is Ready

To Take My Arm And Walk Up Main Street Of This City--Then She Shall See

Me As Often As She Wishes. It Was My Own Cursed folly That Brought Me To

The Gutter, And If Mother Will Pay The Price Of My Freedom, I Will Alone

And Unaided make My Way Back Among The Highest And Proudest."

 

 

 

"I Sincerely Hope You May Win Such A Position," Said Mrs. Arnot Gravely,

"And It Is Not Impossible For You To Do So, Though I Wish You Would Make

The Attempt In a Different Spirit; But Please Remember That These

Considerations Do Not Satisfy And Comfort A Mother'S Heart. You Should

Think Of All Her Past Kindness; You Should Realize How Deeply You Have

Now Wounded her, And Strive With Tenderness And Patience To Mitigate The

Blow."

 

 

 

"Mother, I Am Sorry, More Sorry Than You Can Ever Know," He Said,

Advancing To Her Side And Taking Her Hand, "And I Have Been Bitterly

Punished; But I Did Not Mean To Do What I Did; I Was Drunk--"

 

 

 

"Drunk!" Gasped the Mother, "Merciful Heaven!"

 

 

 

"Yes, Drunk--May The Next Drop Of Wine I Take Choke Me!--And I Did Not

Know What I Was Doing. But Do Not Despair Of Me. I Feel That I Have It

In Me To Make A Man Yet. Go Now With Mrs. Arnot, And Aid In her Kind

Efforts To Procure My Release. When You Have Succeeded, Return Home, And

Think Of Me As Well As You Can Until I Make You Think Better," And He

Raised and Kissed her With Something Like Tenderness, And Then Placed

Within Mrs. Arnot'S Arm The Hand Of The Poor Weak Woman, Who Had Become

So Faint And Exhausted from Her Conflicting Emotions That She Submitted

To Be Led away After A Feeble Remonstrance.

 

 

 

Mrs. Arnot Sent Mr. Melville To The Prisoner, And Also The Food She Had

Brought. She Then Took Mrs. Haldane To A Hotel, Where, In the Seclusion

Of Her Room, She Could Have Every Attention And Comfort. With Many

Reassuring Words She Promised to Call Later In the Day, And If Possible

Bring With Her The Unhappy Cause Of The Poor Gentlewoman'S Distress.

 

Chapter XVI (The Impulses Of Wounded pride)

That Which At First Was Little More Than An Impulse, Caused by Wounded

Pride, Speedily Developed into A Settled purpose, And Haldane Would

Leave His Prison Cell Fully Bent On Achieving Great Things. In

Accordance With A Tendency In impulsive Natures, He Reacted from

Something Like Despair Into Quite A Sanguine And Heroic Mood. He Would

"Face And Fight The World, Ay, And Conquer It, Too." He Would Go Out

Into The Streets Which Had Witnessed his Disgrace, And, Penniless,

Empty-Handed, Dowered only With Shame, He Would Prove His Manhood By

Winning a Position That Would Compel Respect And More Than Respect.

 

 

 

Mrs. Arnot, Who Returned immediately To The Prison, Was Puzzled to Know

How To Deal With Him. She Approved of His Resolution To Remain In

Hillaton, And Of His Purpose To Regain Respect And Position On The Very

Spot, As It Were, Where, By His Crime And Folly, He Had Lost Both. She

Was Satisfied that Such A Course Promised far Better For The Future Than

A Return To His Mother'S Luxurious Home. With All Its Beauty And Comfort

It Would Become To Him Almost Inevitably A Slough, Both Of "Despond" And

Of Dissipation--Dissipation Of The Worst And Most Hopeless Kind,

Wherein The Victim'S Ruling Motive Is To Get Rid Of Self. The Fact That

The Young Man Was Capable Of Turning Upon And Facing a Scornful And

Hostile World Was A Good And Hopeful Sign. If He Had Been Willing To

Slink Away With His Mother, Bent Only On Escape From Punishment And On

The Continuance Of Animal Enjoyment, Mrs. Arnot Would Have Felt That His

Nature Was Not Sufficiently Leavened with Manhood To Give Hope Of

Reform.

 

 

 

But While His Action Did Suggest Hope, It Also Contained elements Of

Discouragement. She Did Not Find Fault With What He Proposed to Do, But

With The Spirit In which He Was Entering On His Most Difficult Task. His

Knowledge Of The World Was So Crude And Partial That He Did Not At All

Realize The Herculean Labor That He Now Became Eager To Attempt; And He

Was Bent On Accomplishing Everything In a Way That Would Minister To His

Own Pride, And Proposed to Be Under Obligations To No One.

 

 

 

Mrs. Arnot, With Her Deep And Long Experience, Knew How Vitally

Important It Is That Human Endeavor Should Be Supplemented by Divine

Aid, And She Sighed deeply As She Saw That The Young Man Not Only

Ignored this Need, But Did Not Even Seem Conscious Of It. Religion Was

To Him A Matter Of Form And Profession, To Which He Was Utterly

Indifferent. The Truth That God Helps The Distressed as A Father Helps

And Comforts His Child, Was A Thought That Then Made No Impression On

Him Whatever. God And All Relating To Him Were Abstractions, And He Felt

That The Emergency Was Too Pressing, Too Imperative, For Considerations

That Had No Practical And Immediate Bearing Upon His Present Success.

 

 

 

Indeed, Such Was His Pride And Self-Confidence, That He Refused to

Receive From Mrs. Arnot, And Even From His Mother, Anything More Than

The Privilege Of Going Out Empty-Handed into The City Which Was To

Become The Arena Of His Future Exploits.

 

 

 

He Told Mrs. Arnot The Whole Story, And She Had Hoped that She Could

Place His Folly And Crime Before Him In its True Moral Aspects, And By

Dealing Faithfully, Yet Kindly, With Him, Awaken His Conscience. But She

Had The Tact To Discover Very Soon That Such Effort Was Now Worse Than

Useless. It Was Not His Conscience, But His Pride, That Had Been Chiefly

Wounded. He Felt His Disgrace, His Humiliation, In the Eyes Of Men

Almost Too Keenly, And He Was Consumed with Desire To Regain Society'S

Favor. But He Did Not Feel His Sin. To God'S Opinion Of Him He Scarcely

Gave A Thought. He Regarded his Wrong Act In the Light Of A Sudden And

Grave Misfortune Rather Than As The Manifestation Of A Foul And Inherent

Disease Of His Soul. He Had Lost His Good Name As A Man Loses His

Property, And Believed that He, In his Own Strength, And Without Any

Moral Change, Could Regain It.

 

 

 

When Parting at The Prison, Mrs. Arnot Gave Him Her Hand, And Said:

 

 

 

"I Trust That Your Hopes May Be Realized, And Your Efforts Meet With

Success; But I Cannot Help Warning You That I Fear You Do Not Realize

What You Are Attempting. The World Is Not Only Very Cold, But Also

Suspicious And Wary In its Disposition Toward Those Who Have Forfeited

Its Confidence. I Cannot Learn That You Have Any Definite Plans Or

Prospects. I Have Never Been Able To Accomplish Much Without God'S Help.

You Not Only Seem To Forget Your Need of Him, But You Are Not Even

Willing To Receive Aid From Me Or Your Own Mother. I Honor And Respect

You For Making The Attempt Upon Which You Are Bent, But I Fear That

Pride Rather Than Wisdom Is Your Counsellor In carrying Out Your

Resolution; And Both God'S Word And Human Experience Prove That Pride

Goes But A Little Way Before A Fall."

 

 

 

"I Have Reached a Depth," Replied haldane, Bitterly, "From Whence I

Cannot Fall; And It Will Be Hereafter Some Consolation To Remember That

I Was Not Lifted out Of The Mire, But That I Got Out. If I Cannot Climb

Up Again It Were Better I Perished in the Gutter Of My Shame."

 

 

 

"I Am Sorry, Egbert, That You Cut Yourself Off From The Most Hopeful And

Helpful Relations Which You Can Ever Sustain. A Father Helps His

Children Through Their Troubles, And So God Is Desirous Of Helping Us.

There Are Some Things Which We Cannot Do Alone--It Is Not Meant That We

Should. God Is Ever Willing To Help Those Who Are Down, And Christians

Are Not Worthy Of The Name Unless They Are Also Willing. It Is Our Duty

To