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whole school didn't need to see me cry like the pathetic two year old I was.
He was just like my mother. He didn't care about me, only wanted to have his nose in everyoneā€™s business.

Chapter Three: Prince Charming, Superheroes, Guardian Angels, Fairy Godmotherā€™s, and Me




Brandonā€™s P.O.V.

My guy friends ran over to me the moment Tanya had decided to knee me in my downstairs are. Boy it hurt like a mother fucker!
No girl as ever done that to me before! Iā€™ve never even been hit there during a sport or anything! Never! So when sheā€¦god! It freakin hurts! It stings, thereā€™s this non-stop ringing in my left ear, and guess what my friends are doing to help meā€¦.NOTHING! Their just laughing their freakin asses off and are rolling on the floor imitating me.
I moaned in pain as I held my junk just hoping the pain would stopā€¦or at least decreaseā€¦then I thought of Tanyaā€¦but not Tanya in generalā€¦her book.

I could still see the perfect drawing in my head. It was amazing and beautiful, yet depressing and sad at the same time.
It had been a drawing of this girlā€¦it was a portrait, a self portrait! Tanya was sitting in a corner, her black hair dangling in her face. She was wearing a huge black sweatshirt and underwear and was clutching her knees to her chest in the most vulnerable and sad position I had ever seen. Most of the background was nothing but scribbles of black that were closing in on her, as if she were suffocatingā€¦but there was one strand of light that shined through the darkness and lit up only the slightest part of her face. Only part of one eye was visible in the picture, past her hair and the darkness, and one single black tear was falling over her cheekā€¦and Iā€™ll never forget what it said at the bottom of the page in perfect cursive letters:

Iā€™m ugly inside and out! Iā€™m hopeless! Iā€™m alone! Iā€™m no longer a princess! Thereā€™s no such thing as Prince Charming! Thereā€™s no longer any Superheroes or Guardian Angels! I have no Fairy God Mother! Iā€™m just a sad, lonely, pathetic, clumsy, pest! Iā€™m in head deep, lost! Too deep and too lost to be helped by any Prince Charming! Any Superhero! Any Guardian Angel! Or any Fairy God Mother! Iā€™m not even worth it!



And under this passage of writing was a knife dripping blood that zigzagged through the words! The heartbreaking words of poor Tanya!
What was wrong with her? Why did she feel this way?
How does she not know how beautiful she is? How can she say sheā€™s ugly, inside AND out? How can she not have hope? How far deep and lost can this poor girl? How can she believe that sheā€™s not worth being saved? That sheā€™s not worth anyoneā€™s attention, or love? Sheā€™s smart, beautiful, talentedā€¦why doesnā€™t she see that?
I ignored the pain, and I ignored my obnoxious friendsā€™ laughter and watched Tanyaā€™s back as she ran out of the cafeteria her long black hair flowing behind her. I hadnā€™t meant to hurt her. I didnā€™t realize that what I did make her upset. I didnā€™t even realize she was hurting in general. I had always just thought she was one of those shy and quiet girls.
Wellā€¦now I knew why she never wore short sleeves. Know I knew why when ever Iā€™d see her at the pool over the summer, sheā€™d never actually swim. Sheā€™s just lie under a tree with her nose in that sketch pad of hers, despite how many times Nicki would try to convince her to hop in. Now I knew everything, and I was going to fix it.
I might not be Prince Charming! Iā€™m might not be a Superhero or a Guardian Angel! And I sure as hell ainā€™t no Fairy God Mother! But I will save her! I will help her! She can count on me!

Chapter Four: Denial




Tanya's P.O.V.

Ring! Ring! Ring!
ā€œHey.ā€
I looked from the black hole of text books and crumpled paper that I call a locker and to Brandon, my brows furrowed and my lips in a frown, ā€œWhat do you want from me, Brandon! Seriously! Why canā€™t you just leave me alone?ā€
All day ever since lunch Brandon wonā€™t leave me alone. Heā€™s pretty much following me around like a lost puppy. So yeah, Iā€™ll admit thereā€™s a part of me that likes the attention. Who doesnā€™t want one of the hottest guys in school following them aroundā€¦but him? Heā€™s giving me attention for the wrong reasons. All he wants is to know about how horrible my life is so he can go to his friends and brag.
ā€œLook, you need help, Tanya. You need to see a physiatrist or somethingā€”ā€œ
I slammed my locker when my hand twitched to avoid slapping him in the face, ā€œYou donā€™t know me! You donā€™t know my life!ā€
ā€œWell obviously itā€™s not that good if youā€™re cutting yourself!ā€
I went agape as I slapped him on the shoulder, ā€œWill you shut up! I donā€™t want the whole school to know about it! If anyone finds outā€”if you tell anyone, everybodyā€™s going to think Iā€™m depressed.ā€ I whispered aggressively as I looked up and down the halls at the hundreds of students at their lockers and chatting on and on about the latest gossip. My name was the last thing I wanted on everyoneā€™s minds let alone lips.
ā€œBut you are depressed.ā€
ā€œNo Iā€™m not,ā€ I growled back through gritted teeth.
Brandon laughed in disbelief, ā€œOh, so you just hurt yourself for fun? Is that it? You get pleasure from hurting yourself?ā€
My cheeks grew warm as I felt the tears come. I tried to hold them back, but it was too late. I had let my guard slip for one second and now I couldnā€™t bring my wall back up. It was almost like they just faded away! I quickly looked to my side and into my locker, just to advert my stare. I might not like Brandon, but I still donā€™t want him to see me cry. If he noticesā€”which Iā€™m sure he already hasā€”heā€™ll tell his friendā€™s that he made ā€œMiss. Emo, cry!ā€
I took in a jagged breath as tears poured over my cheeks and down my neck. I began to sob, but quickly bit the inside of my cheek to muffle the noise! If anyone saw this, my life would be screwed, even more than it already was.
ā€œWhy do you do it, Tanya?ā€
After a moment of holding back my sobs and hiccups I whispered, ā€œIt numbs me.ā€
ā€œI canā€™t hear you, Tanya.ā€ Brandon said with a slight chuckle as he took a step closer to me so that no one could hear us talking. I took in another deep breath and turned to look at him. His brown eyes which I usually described as mud brown now seemed fluorescent with worry and concern. They were a caramel chocolate brown that for reasons that I donā€™t quite understand made me want to trust him.
I had already explained all this to Nicki, but she couldnā€™t do anything to help me. Sheā€™s never been in my position and so all she could do was say ā€œItā€™s okay. Everythingā€™s gonna be okay.ā€ Her support still wasnā€™t enough. Maybeā€¦maybe all I needed was one more person to talk too. Maybe he wasnā€™t as bad as I thought he was. Maybe he did care. Maybe he would listen.
ā€œIt numbs me,ā€ I repeated as a tear rolled down my face and into the crease of my lips. I could taste the nasty saltiness of it and I held back the erg to wipe all the wetness on my cheeks away.
ā€œIt-it numbs you? From what?ā€ he asked as he leaned against the locker next to me.
ā€œIt numbs my emotional hurtā€¦and forces me to focus on the physical hurt.ā€
Brandon squinted at me in confusion, ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€
ā€œWhen Iā€¦cutā€¦it makes me forget about why I was upsetā€¦and insteadā€¦makes me feel the physical pain of the cut. It takes away the emotional painā€¦.it numbs me,ā€ I whispered with a shrug.
There was a long silence, and I just wanted to run away. Brandon was just staring at me with those chocolateā€”not mudā€”brown eyes, as I cried. He was just watching me, as more and more and more tears flowed, ā€œThatā€™s not good.ā€
I laughed through the pain and tears, ā€œNo shit, Sherlock.ā€
A small half-smile appeared on Brandonā€™s face. He raised his hand to my face and I innately flinched thinking he might hit me.
I watched his big callused hand hesitate, before finally brushing the tears off my right cheek. I didnā€™t move, didnā€™t speak. I just stood still, motionless, frozen.
ā€œI can help you.ā€
ā€œMy best friend couldnā€™t help meā€¦and I donā€™t even like you, soā€¦ā€
Another small half-smile spread across Brandonā€™s face, ā€œYou canā€™t just hold it in and confide in one personā€”ā€œ
ā€œSheā€™s my best friend! You? You ignored me my whole life, and now all of a sudden you want to help me? I barley know you!
ā€œI didnā€™t realize that you were upset! Iā€™m trying to help you! You canā€™t just ignore me!ā€
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Went the bell signaling the end of locker time and the beginning of last period.
ā€œYou want a bet!ā€ I whispered as I pulled away from his hand and walked away to study hall.


Chapter Five: A Misunderstood Misunderstanding




Tanya's P.O.V.

ā€œHey, mom?ā€

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