The 'Mind the Paint' Girl - Arthur Wing Pinero (free children's online books TXT) 📗
- Author: Arthur Wing Pinero
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Von Rettenmayer.
Leaving the group at the back and putting an arm round De Castro’s shoulder. My dear friend Zam!
De Castro.
How are you, Baron? Going to Mrs. Upjohn. Afthernoon, Ma! Nodding to Jimmie and Roper. Afthernoon, everybody! Shaking hands with Jeyes, who has risen and now joins the group. How are you, Nicko?
Lily.
Giving her hand to Von Rettenmayer. Excuse me for cutting you short when you came in. Thanks for your splendid present. I did send you a wire, didn’t I?
Von Rettenmayer.
Kissing her hand and bowing over it. I shall breserve it, with a few oder souvenirs, till the end of my life.
Lily.
Withdrawing her hand and blowing the compliment away. Phew! Lal, lal, lal, la!
Von Rettenmayer.
In an altered tone, after a cautious look round. Goddess.
Lily.
Eh?
Von Rettenmayer.
Anxiously. My drifling liddle offering—I endreat you not to mention it to Enid.
Lily.
Laughing heartily. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Another of you!
Von Rettenmayer.
The gharming Miss Mongreiff.
Lily.
Seriously. Baron, I wish you boys wouldn’t make me presents and then ask me to keep them a secret from the other girls.
Von Rettenmayer.
And I—I wish it were not nezezzary. But, goddess, you are alzo a young lady of the world—you know what women are.
Lily.
H’m! I know what you men are.
Maud, a buxom young woman with a good-tempered face, dressed as a lady’s-maid, enters quickly, tying her apron, and runs to Lily. Jeyes comes to the further side of the writing-table and Von Rettenmayer now joins him there. Jimmie Birch also comes forward, accompanied by De Castro.
Maud.
To Lily. Here, give me your things. Lily tosses her hat, scarf, and gloves to Maud. I was in my room, having a lie down. Is my hair untidy?
Lily.
I’ve never seen it anything else.
Maud.
Merrily. Ha, ha, ha! To Jimmie and De Castro. Afternoon, Miss Jimmie. Afternoon, Mr. de Castro. To Lily. Now, don’t let them all tire you to death, there’s a pet.
Lily.
Oh, clear out. As Maud is departing. Hi! Rising and kicking off her shoes and sending them in Maud’s direction. Fetch me a pair of slippers.
Maud.
Picking up the shoes and chuckling. He, he, he!
When Maud reaches the door, which she has left open, Gladys appears with the tea-tray and with Farncombe at her heels.
Gladys.
To Maud, in a low voice, witheringly. Oh, you’re doing something, are you?
Maud.
In the same tone, passing Gladys. Yes, setting you an example, my girl. Encountering Farncombe. Beg pardon.
Maud withdraws, closing the door, and Farncombe stands looking at Lily, who is talking to Jimmie. Gladys carries the tray to the tea-table.
Lily.
Become aware of Farncombe’s presence and nodding to him. How d’ye do?
Farncombe.
Moving a step or two towards her. I—I’ve been here before this afternoon. I ventured to bring you some flowers.
Lily.
Going to him and shaking hands with him formally. Nobody told me. Awfully kind of you. Where have they put them?
Farncombe.
Lifting his basket of flowers from off the piano and showing it to her. Here.
Lily.
Pretty. Pulling out a carnation. Stick it up there again. He replaces the basket. You’re Lord Farncombe, aren’t you?
Farncombe.
Yes.
Lily.
With a glance at the others. Know anybody here?
Farncombe.
Looking round the room. Nearly everybody, I fancy. He advances to Von Rettenmayer, who comes to meet him. Lily sits upon the settee by the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress. Gladys goes out. Karl——!
Von Rettenmayer.
My dear Eddie!
Farncombe.
Bowing to de Castro, who is now seated beside Jimmie on the settee in front of the writing-table. How are you, Mr. de Castro? To Jeyes, who is standing by the chair at the writing-table gnawing his moustache and watching Lily and Farncombe sourly. How are you, Captain Jeyes? Turning to Bland. How are you, Mr. Bland? To Lily. I’ve been talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.
Lily.
Looking across to Jimmie. Miss Birch—Lord Farncombe.
Jimmie.
Nodding to Farncombe. How d’ye do?
Farncombe.
Going to Jimmie and shaking hands with her. I—I needn’t say that I am one of Miss Birch’s warmest—most profound——
Jimmie.
Smiling at him. That’s all right; don’t you bother about that.
Maud returns, carrying a pair of silken slippers. Von Rettenmayer, who has come to Lily, makes a dart at the slippers and takes them from Maud.
Von Rettenmayer.
Aha! Permid me.
Maud.
Now, Baron——! Slapping his arm. Ha, ha, ha——!
He pushes Maud out of the room, she resisting laughingly, and closes the door.
Von Rettenmayer.
Holding the slippers aloft. Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego! Eddie! The men put themselves behind him, in single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the exception of Jeyes, who deliberately sits at the writing-table, and Farncombe, who is embarrassed. Jimmie claps her hands and Mrs. Upjohn, who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a fit of coughing. Ta, ta, ra, ra, ta, ta! Boum, boum!
Lily.
Baron, you great baby!
Von Rettenmayer.
Quig! Marge!
Roper.
Calling to Farncombe. Come along, Farncombe!
Jimmie.
Giving Farncombe a shove. Go on!
Farncombe takes his place behind Roper and, headed by Von Rettenmayer, the men march round the room.
Von Rettenmayer.
Waving the slippers in the air and singing.
Weib, was ist in aller Welt
Dir an Schönheit gleichgestellt!
Reizumflossen, wunderhold,
Perl’ der Schöpfung, Herzensgold!
Tag’s Gedanken, Traum der Nacht,
Schweben um Dich, Süsse, sacht.
Von Rettenmayer halts before Lily and kneels to her. She extends her left foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her slipper. She rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way for de Castro, handing him the other slipper, and de Castro performs the same ceremony with Lily’s right foot. She upsets de Castro’s balance by a little kick.
Von Rettenmayer.
Seating himself beside Jimmie, singing.
Venus, seinen Nacken beut
Dir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!
De Castro gathers himself up and sits in the chair at the end of the settee in front of the, writing-table. Bland and Roper, having knelt and kissed Lily’s foot, also sit, the former in the chair in the middle of the room, the latter in the chair on the extreme left. Finally, Farncombe finds himself before Lily. He looks at her hesitatingly and she returns his look with awakened interest and withdraws her foot.
Lily.
Shaking her head. No, no; don’t you be silly, like the others.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Loudly. Tea!
Bland, Von Rettenmayer and de Castro jump up and go to the tea-table where Farncombe joins them. Gladys enters, carrying a stand on which are a plate of bread-and-butter, a dish of cake, etc. Roper takes the stand from her and the girl retires. Farncombe brings Lily a cup of tea. De Castro and Bland follow him, the one with a milk-jug, the other with a sugar-basin. Von Rettenmayer carries a cup of tea to Jimmie, and then de Castro and Bland, having waited upon Lily, go to Jimmie with the milk and sugar. Roper hands the bread-and-butter and cake to Lily, then to Jimmie, and in the end Roper, Bland, de Castro and Von Rettenmayer assemble at the tea-table and receive their cups of tea from Mrs. Upjohn.
Roper.
Relieving Gladys of the stand. Give it to me. I want a little exercise.
Lily.
Taking her cup of tea from Farncombe. Thanks.
De Castro.
Helping Lily to milk. Milk-ho!
Bland.
Sugar?
Lily.
Br-r-r-rh! I’m putting on weight as it is.
Roper.
Offering the bread-and-butter, etc.—facetiously. Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score!
Lily.
Nothing to eat, Uncle; I dine at six.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Calling to Jeyes from the tea-table. Captain, ain’t you goin’ to ’ave any tea?
Jeyes.
Moodily examining the presents on the writing-table. No, thank you, Mrs. Upjohn.
Bland.
To Jimmie, after she has been helped to milk. Sugar?
Jimmie.
Two lumps.
Roper.
Pushing Bland and de Castro aside, imitating a female voice. Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score!
Jimmie.
Cutting a slice of cake. Lal, the world ’ud be a much happier place to live in if Lloyd George taxed your jokes.
Von Rettenmayer, Bland, and de Castro.
Returning to the tea-table. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Lily.
To Farncombe, who remains standing near her. Seen our show at the Pandora?
Farncombe.
Gazing at her. Twenty-three times.
Lily.
Not really?
Farncombe.
This week and last, every night.
Lily.
Running her eye over him. You in the Guards, by any chance?
Farncombe.
Nodding. Yes.
Lily.
Smiling. Ah, you’ll never do a braver deed than seeing our show twenty-three times.
Jimmie.
As Roper leaves her to go to the table, her mouth full of cake. Boys! Choking. Heugh, heugh, heugh! Wait a minute; I’ve swallowed some of the Baron’s German. Gulping. B-oys, seriously—no rot— raising her tea-cup jolly good health to Lily! There is a cry of approbation from Bland, Von Rettenmayer, de Castro and Roper. Farncombe fetches himself a cup of tea from the tea-table. She’s a white woman, Lily is—the staunchest, truest pal, where she takes a liking——
Bland, Von Rettenmayer, de Castro, and Roper.
Hear, hear!
Mrs. Upjohn.
Pressing forward through the men and going to Lily. And the best daughter breathing. Embracing Lily and then turning to the others. D’ye notice the new dress I’m wearin’ this afternoon?
Lily.
Don’t, mother; don’t.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Fifteen guineas it’s cost her. Sitting in the chair on the extreme left, proudly. Madame Godolphin made it, and a ’at to go with it ong sweet.
Lily.
To Mrs. Upjohn. Hu-s-s-sh!
Jimmie.
Well—— sipping her tea as if drinking a toast in a cup of tea!
Bland, de Castro, and Roper.
Sipping their tea. In a cup o’ tea!
Von Rettenmayer.
Drinking. In a gob o’ dea!
Jimmie.
To Von Rettenmayer, mockingly. Gob o’ dea!
Lily.
Waving her hand. Thank you, Jimmie. Thank you, dear boys, from the bottom of my heart.
Jimmie.
To the men. By Jove, she saved me once from going home to a cheap lodging and taking a dose of rat-killer!
Von Rettenmayer.
Behind Roper and de Castro, peeping over their shoulders. A pidy—a gread pidy.
Jimmie.
To Von Rettenmayer. I’ll attend to you presently, Baron.
Lily.
To Jimmie. I remember. A wretched little shrimp you looked that day.
Jimmie.
To everybody. It was my first morning at the Pandora. They’d had me up from Harrogate in a hurry, to take Gwennie Harker’s place. I’d been playing her part in the Number Two Co. in the country; and she’d left ’em in a hole, to get married to a stupid lord—— To Farncombe, finding him standing near her. Sorry. I was to have only one rehearsal; clenching her fist and, oh, didn’t they treat me abominably! Miss Ensor was late and we were all hanging about on the stage, waiting for her. I’ve never felt so cold in my life, or so lonely. Not a word of welcome, not a nod, from a single soul; simply a blank stare occasionally from a haughty beauty with a curled lip! And at
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