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gentleman, he’s much distract.

 

Re-enter CLOWN, with a letter, and FABIAN

 

A most extracting frenzy of mine own

From my remembrance clearly banish’d his.

How does he, sirrah?

CLOWN. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave’s end as well as a man in his case may do. Has here writ a letter to you; I should have given ‘t you to-day morning, but as a madman’s epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are deliver’d.

OLIVIA. Open’t, and read it.

CLOWN. Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman. [Reads madly ] ‘By the Lord, madam-‘

OLIVIA. How now! Art thou mad?

CLOWN. No, madam, I do but read madness. An your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow vox.

OLIVIA. Prithee read i’ thy right wits.

CLOWN. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus; therefore perpend, my Princess, and give ear.

OLIVIA. [To FABIAN] Read it you, sirrah.

FABIAN. [Reads] ‘By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it. Though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on, with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury.

THE MADLY-US’D MALVOLIO’

 

OLIVIA. Did he write this?

CLOWN. Ay, Madam.

DUKE. This savours not much of distraction.

OLIVIA. See him deliver’d, Fabian; bring him hither.

Exit FABIAN

My lord, so please you, these things further thought on, To think me as well a sister as a wife, One day shall crown th’ alliance on’t, so please you, Here at my house, and at my proper cost.

DUKE. Madam, I am most apt t’ embrace your offer.

[To VIOLA] Your master quits you; and, for your service done him,

So much against the mettle of your sex, So far beneath your soft and tender breeding, And since you call’d me master for so long, Here is my hand; you shall from this time be You master’s mistress.

OLIVIA. A sister! You are she.

 

Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO

 

DUKE. Is this the madman?

OLIVIA. Ay, my lord, this same.

How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO. Madam, you have done me wrong, Notorious wrong.

OLIVIA. Have I, Malvolio? No.

MALVOLIO. Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter.

You must not now deny it is your hand; Write from it if you can, in hand or phrase; Or say ‘tis not your seal, not your invention; You can say none of this. Well, grant it then, And tell me, in the modesty of honour, Why you have given me such clear lights of favour, Bade me come smiling and cross-garter’d to you, To put on yellow stockings, and to frown Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people; And, acting this in an obedient hope, Why have you suffer’d me to be imprison’d, Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, And made the most notorious geck and gul That e’er invention play’d on? Tell me why.

OLIVIA. Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing, Though, I confess, much like the character; But out of question ‘tis Maria’s hand.

And now I do bethink me, it was she

First told me thou wast mad; then cam’st in smiling, And in such forms which here were presuppos’d Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content; This practice hath most shrewdly pass’d upon thee, But, when we know the grounds and authors of it, Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge Of thine own cause.

FABIAN. Good madam, hear me speak,

And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come Taint the condition of this present hour, Which I have wond’red at. In hope it shall not, Most freely I confess myself and Toby Set this device against Malvolio here, Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts We had conceiv’d against him. Maria writ The letter, at Sir Toby’s great importance, In recompense whereof he hath married her.

How with a sportful malice it was follow’d May rather pluck on laughter than revenge, If that the injuries be justly weigh’d That have on both sides pass’d.

OLIVIA. Alas, poor fool, how have they baffl’d thee!

CLOWN. Why, ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir, in this interlude-one Sir Topas, sir; but that’s all one. ‘By the Lord, fool, I am not mad!’ But do you remember- ‘Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? An you smile not, he’s gagg’d’? And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

MALVOLIO. I’ll be reveng’d on the whole pack of you.

Exit

OLIVIA. He hath been most notoriously abus’d.

DUKE. Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace; He hath not told us of the captain yet.

When that is known, and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made

Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister, We will not part from hence. Cesario, come; For so you shall be while you are a man; But when in other habits you are seen, Orsino’s mistress, and his fancy’s queen.

Exeunt all but the CLOWN

 

CLOWN sings

 

When that I was and a little tiny boy, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, A foolish thing was but a toy, For the rain it raineth every day.

 

But when I came to man’s estate, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, ‘Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, For the rain it raineth every day.

 

But when I came, alas! to wive, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, By swaggering could I never thrive, For the rain it raineth every day.

 

But when I came unto my beds,

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, With toss-pots still had drunken heads, For the rain it raineth every day.

 

A great while ago the world begun, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, But that’s all one, our play is done, And we’ll strive to please you every day.

Exit

 

THE END

 

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1595

 

THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA

 

by William Shakespeare

 

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

 

DUKE OF MILAN, father to Silvia

VALENTINE, one of the two gentlemen

PROTEUS, ” ” ” ” “

ANTONIO, father to Proteus

THURIO, a foolish rival to Valentine

EGLAMOUR, agent for Silvia in her escape SPEED, a clownish servant to Valentine

LAUNCE, the like to Proteus

PANTHINO, servant to Antonio

HOST, where Julia lodges in Milan

OUTLAWS, with Valentine

 

JULIA, a lady of Verona, beloved of Proteus SILVIA, the Duke’s daughter, beloved of Valentine LUCETTA, waiting-woman to Julia

 

SERVANTS

MUSICIANS

 

<<THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION OF THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM

SHAKESPEARE IS COPYRIGHT 1990-1993 BY WORLD LIBRARY, INC., AND IS

PROVIDED BY PROJECT GUTENBERG ETEXT OF ILLINOIS BENEDICTINE COLLEGE

WITH PERMISSION. ELECTRONIC AND MACHINE READABLE COPIES MAY BE

DISTRIBUTED SO LONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) ARE FOR YOUR OR OTHERS

PERSONAL USE ONLY, AND (2) ARE NOT DISTRIBUTED OR USED

COMMERCIALLY. PROHIBITED COMMERCIAL DISTRIBUTION INCLUDES BY ANY

SERVICE THAT CHARGES FOR DOWNLOAD TIME OR FOR MEMBERSHIP.>>

 

SCENE:

Verona; Milan; the frontiers of Mantua

 

ACT I. SCENE I.

Verona. An open place

 

Enter VALENTINE and PROTEUS

 

VALENTINE. Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus: Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.

Were’t not affection chains thy tender days To the sweet glances of thy honour’d love, I rather would entreat thy company

To see the wonders of the world abroad, Than, living dully sluggardiz’d at home, Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.

But since thou lov’st, love still, and thrive therein, Even as I would, when I to love begin.

PROTEUS. Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu!

Think on thy Proteus, when thou haply seest Some rare noteworthy object in thy travel.

Wish me partaker in thy happiness

When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger, If ever danger do environ thee,

Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers, For I will be thy headsman, Valentine.

VALENTINE. And on a love-book pray for my success?

PROTEUS. Upon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.

VALENTINE. That’s on some shallow story of deep love: How young Leander cross’d the Hellespont.

PROTEUS. That’s a deep story of a deeper love; For he was more than over shoes in love.

VALENTINE. ‘Tis true; for you are over boots in love, And yet you never swum the Hellespont.

PROTEUS. Over the boots! Nay, give me not the boots.

VALENTINE. No, I will not, for it boots thee not.

PROTEUS. What?

VALENTINE. To be in love-where scorn is bought with groans, Coy looks with heart-sore sighs, one fading moment’s mirth With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights; If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain; If lost, why then a grievous labour won; However, but a folly bought with wit, Or else a wit by folly vanquished.

PROTEUS. So, by your circumstance, you call me fool.

VALENTINE. So, by your circumstance, I fear you’ll prove.

PROTEUS. ‘Tis love you cavil at; I am not Love.

VALENTINE. Love is your master, for he masters you; And he that is so yoked by a fool,

Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.

PROTEUS. Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud The eating canker dwells, so eating love Inhabits in the finest wits of all.

VALENTINE. And writers say, as the most forward bud Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,

Even so by love the young and tender wit Is turn’d to folly, blasting in the bud, Losing his verdure even in the prime, And all the fair effects of future hopes.

But wherefore waste I time to counsel the That art a votary to fond desire?

Once more adieu. My father at the road Expects my coming, there to see me shipp’d.

PROTEUS. And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.

VALENTINE. Sweet Proteus, no; now let us take our leave.

To Milan let me hear from thee by letters Of thy success in love, and what news else Betideth here in absence of thy friend; And I likewise will visit thee with mine.

PROTEUS. All happiness bechance to thee in Milan!

VALENTINE. As much to you at home; and so farewell!

Exit VALENTINE

PROTEUS. He after honour hunts, I after love; He leaves his friends to dignify them more: I leave myself, my friends, and all for love.

Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphis’d me, Made me neglect my studies, lose my time, War with good counsel, set the world at nought; Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.

 

Enter SPEED

 

SPEED. Sir Proteus, save you! Saw you my master?

PROTEUS. But now he parted hence to embark for Milan.

SPEED. Twenty to one then he is shipp’d already, And I have play’d the sheep in losing him.

PROTEUS. Indeed a sheep doth very often stray, An if the shepherd be awhile away.

SPEED. You conclude that my master is a shepherd then, and I a sheep?

PROTEUS. I do.

SPEED. Why then, my horns are his