A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY - Edward Payson Roe (best color ebook reader TXT) 📗

Or In the Friends I Love. My Joys Thrill Every Nerve And

Fibre Of My Being. I Cling To Them, I Cannot Give Them Up. A Few Days

Ago Life Was As Full Of Rich Promise To Me As Our Tropical Spring. It Is

Still, Though I Will Never Cease To Feel The Pain Of This Great Sorrow,

And Yet This Horrible Pit Of Death, Corruption, And Nothingness Yawns At

My Very Feet. Mr. Haldane," She Said In a Still Lower And More

Shuddering Tone, "I Have A Terrible Presentiment That I Shall Perish

With This Loathsome Disease. I May Seem To You, Who Are So Quiet And

Brave, Very Weak And Cowardly; But I Shrink From Death With A Dread

Which You Cannot Understand And Which No Language Can Express. It Is

Repugnant To Every Instinct Of My Being, And I Can Think Of It Only With

Unutterable Loathing. If I Were Old And Feeble, If I Had Tasted all The

Joys Of Life, I Might Submit, But Not Now, Not Now. I Feel With Father

That It Is Fiendish Cruelty To Give One Such An Intense Love Of Life And

Then Wrench It Away; And, Passionately As I Love Life, There Is One Far

More Dear. There Is That In your Nature Which Has So Won My Confidence

That I Can Reveal To You My Whole Heart. Mr. Haldane, I Love One Who Is

Like You, Manly And Noble, And Dearly As I Prize Life, I Think I Could

Give It Away In slow Torture For His Sake, If Required. How Often My

Heart Has Thrilled to See His Eyes Kindle With His Foolish Admiration,

The Infatuation Of Love Which Makes Its Object Beautiful At Least To The

Lover. And Now To Think That He Does Not Know What I Suffer And Fear, To

Think That I May Never See Him Again, To Think That When He Returns I

May Be A Hideous Mass Of Corruption That He Cannot Even Approach. Out

Upon The Phrases 'Beneficent Nature,' And 'Natural Law.' Laws Which

Permit Such Things Are Must Unnatural, And To Endow One With Such A Love

Of Life, Such Boundless Capabilities Of Enjoying Life, And Then At The

Supreme Moment When The Loss Will Be Most Bitterly Felt To Snatch It

Away, Looks To Me More Like The Work Of Devilish Ingenuity Than Of A

'Beneficent Nature.' I Feel With Father, It Is Fiendish Cruelty."

 

 

 

Haldane Bowed his Head Among Bertha'S Curls To Hide The Tears That Would

Come At This Desperate Cry Of Distress; But Amy'S Eyes Were Hard And

Dry, And Had The Agonized look Which Might Have Been Their Expression

Had She Been Enduring Physical Torture.

 

 

 

"Miss Amy," He Said Brokenly After A Moment, "You Forget That Your

Father Said, 'If This Life Is All, It Is Fiendishly Cruel To Tear Us

From That Which We Have Learned to Love So Dearly,' And I Agree With

Him. But This Life Is Not All; The Belief That Human Life Ends At Death

Is Revolting To Reason, Conscience, And Every Sense Of Justice. If This

Were True The Basest Villain Could Escape All The Consequences Of His

Evil In a Moment, And You Who Are So Innocent, So Exquisite In your

Spiritual Organization, So Brave And Noble That You Can Face This Awful

Fear In your Devotion To Those You Love--You By Ceasing To Breathe

Merely Would Sink To Precisely The Same Level And Be No Different From

The Lifeless Clay Of The Villain. Such Monstrous Injustice Is

Impossible; It Outrages Every Instinct Of Justice, Every Particle Of

Reason That I Have.

 

 

 

"Miss Amy, Don'T You See That You Are Like The Disciples In the Boat Out

In The Midst Of The Sea? The Night Is Dark Above You, The Storm Is Wild

Around You, The Waves Are Dashing Over You, The Little Boat Is Frail,

And There Are Such Cold, Dark Depths Beneath It. But We Can'T Help These

Things. We Can'T Explain The Awful Mystery Of Evil And Suffering; Sooner

Or Later Every Human Life Becomes Enveloped in darkness, Storm, And

Danger. That Wave-Tossed boat In the Midst Of The Sea Is An Emblem Of

The Commonest Human Experience. On The Wide Sea Of Life, Numberless

Little Barks Are At This Moment At The Point Of Foundering. Few Are So

Richly Freighted as Yours, But The Same Unknown Depths Are Beneath Each.

But, Miss Amy, I Pray You Remember The Whole Of This Suggestive Bible

Story. Those Imperilled disciples Were Watched by A Loving, Powerful

Friend. He Came To Their Aid, Making The Very Waves That Threatened to

Engulf The Pathway Of His Rescuing Love. He Saved those Old-Time

Friends. They Are Living To-Day, They Will Live Forever. I Can'T Explain

The Dark And Terrible Things Of Which This World Is Full, I Cannot

Explain The Awful Mystery Of Evil In any Of Its Forms. I Know The

Pestilence Is All Around Us; I Know It Seems To Threaten Your Precious,

Beautiful Life. I Recognize The Fact, As I Also Remember The Fact Of The

Darkness And Storm Around The Little Boat. But I Also Know With Absolute

Certainty That There Is One Who Can Come To Your Rescue, Whose Province

It Is To Give Life, Deathless Life, Life More Rich And Full Of Thrilling

Happiness Than You Have Ever Dreamed of, Even With Your Vivid

Imagination."

 

 

 

"How, How Can You Know This? What _Proof_ Can You Give Me?" She

Asked; And No Poor Creature, Whose Life Was Indeed at Stake, Ever Bent

Forward More Eagerly To Catch The Sentence Of Life Or Death, Than Did

Amy Poland The Coming answer.

 

 

 

"I Know It," He Replied more Calmly, "On The Strongest Possible Grounds

Of Evidence--My Own Experience, The Experience Of Mrs. Arnot, Who Is

Sincerity Itself, And The Experience Of Multitudes Of Others. Believers

In Jesus Christ Have Been Verifying His Promises In every Age, And In

Every Possible Emergency And Condition Of Life, And If Their Testimony

Is Refused, Human Consciousness Is No Longer A Basis Of Knowledge. No

One Ever Had A Better Friend Than Mrs. Arnot Has Been To Me; She Has

Been The Means Of Saving Me From Disgrace, Shame, And Everything That

Was Base, And I Love Her With A Gratitude That Is Beyond Words, And Yet

I Am Not So Conscious Of Her Practical Help And Friendship As That Of

The Divine Man Who Has Been My Patient Unwavering Friend In my Long,

Hard Struggle."

 

 

 

Under His Words, The Hard, Dry Despair Of Amy Had Given Way To Gentler

Feelings, Which Found Expression In low, Piteous Sobbing.

 

 

 

"Oh, When Will He Come To Me?" She Asked, "For I Cannot Doubt After Such

Words."

 

 

 

"When You Most Need him, Miss Amy. It Is Your Privilege To Ask His

Comforting and Sustaining Presence Now; But He Will Come When He Sees

That You Most Need him."

 

 

 

"If Ever Poor Creatures Needed such A Friend As You Have Described, We

Need him Now," Faltered mrs. Poland, Turning Her Face Toward Them And

Then They Knew That She Had Heard All.

 

 

 

Amy Sprang To Her Embrace, Exclaiming, "Mother, Is It Possible That We

Can Find Such A Friend In our Extremity?"

 

 

 

"Amy, I Am Bewildered, I Am Overwhelmed."

 

 

 

Haldane Carried little Bertha To Her Crib And Covered her With An

Afghan. Then Coming To The Lady'S Side He Took Her Hand And Said Gently,

And Yet With That Quiet Firmness Which Does Much To Produce Conviction:

"Mrs. Poland, Before Leaving Your Husband To His Quiet Sleep We Read

Words Which Jesus Christ Once Spoke To A Despairing, Grief-Stricken

Woman. Take Them Now As If Spoken To You. 'Jesus Said Unto Her, I Am The

Resurrection And The Life: He That Believeth In me, Though He Were Dead,

Yet Shall He Live; And Whosoever Liveth And Believeth In me Shall Never

Die.' As Your Husband Said To You, You Will All Surely Meet Again."

 

 

 

Then He Lifted her Hand To His Lips In a Caress That Was Full Of

Sympathy And Respect, And Silently Left The Room.

Chapter LII (A Man Versus A Connoisseur)

Amy'S Sad Presentiment Was Almost Verified. She Was Very Ill, And For

Hours Of Painful Uncertainty Haldane Watched over Her And Administered

The Remedies Which Dr. Orton Left; And Indeed the Doctor Himself Was

Never Absent Very Long, For His Heart Was Bound Up In the Girl. At Last,

After A Wavering Poise, The Scale Turned in favor Of Life, And She Began

To Slowly Revive.

 

 

 

Poor Mrs. Poland Was So Weak That She Could Not Raise Her Head Or Hand,

But, With Her Wistful, Pathetic Eyes, Followed every Motion, For She

Insisted on Having amy In the Same Room With Herself. Aunt Saba, The Old

Negress, To Whom Mr. Poland Had Given Her Freedom, Continued a Faithful

Assistant. Bound To Her Mistress By The Stronger Chain Of Gratitude And

Affection, She Served with Fidelity In every Way Possible To Her; And

She And Her Husband Were So Old And Humble That Death Seemingly Had

Forgotten Them.

 

 

 

Before Amy Was Stricken Down With The Fever The Look Of Unutterable

Dread And Anxiety That Was So Painful To Witness Passed away, And Gave

Place To An Expression Of Quiet Serenity.

 

 

 

"I Need no Further Argument," She Had Said To Haldane; "Christ Has Come

Across The Waves Of My Trouble. I Am As Sure Of It As I Am Sure That You

Came To My Aid. I Do Not Know Whether Mother Or Bertha Or I Will

Survive, But I Believe That God'S Love Is As Great As His Power, And

That In some Way And At Some Time All Will Come Out For The Best. I Have

Written To My Friend Abroad And To Auntie Arnot All About It, And Now I

Am Simply Waiting. O, Mr. Haldane, I Am So Happy To Tell You," She Had

Added, "That I Think Mother Is Accepting The Same Faith, Slowly And In

Accordance With Her Nature, But Surely Nevertheless. I Am Like Father,

Quick And Intense In my Feelings. I Feel That Which Is False Or That

Which Is True, Rather Than Reason It Out As Mother Does."

 

 

 

Aunt Saba And Her Husband Managed to Take Care Of Bertha And Keep Her

Mind Occupied; But Before Amy'S Convalescence Had Proceeded very Far The

Little Girl Was Suddenly Prostrated by A Most Violent Attack Of The

Disease, And She Withered before The Hot Fever Like A Fragile Flower In

A Simoom. Haldane Went Hastily For Dr. Orton, But He Gave Scarcely A

Hope From The First.

 

 

 

During The Night Following The Day On Which She Had Been Stricken Down A

Strange Event Occurred. [Footnote: It Is Stated on High Medical Authority

That "All Patients Suffer More During Thunder-Showers," And An Instance

Is Given Of A Physician Who Was Suffering From This Fever, And Who Was

Killed as Instantly, By Vivid Flash And Loud Report, As If He Had Been

Struck By The Lightning.] The Sultry Heat Had Been Followed by A

Tropical Thunder-Storm, Which Had Gathered in the Darkness, And Often

Gave To The Midnight A Momentary And Brighter Glare Than That Of The

Previous Noon. The Child Would Start As The Flashes Grew More Intense,

For They Seemed to Distress Her Very Much.

 

 

 

As Haldane Was Lifting Her To Give Her A Drink He Said:

 

 

 

"Perhaps Bertie Will See Papa Very Soon."

 

 

 

Hearing The Word "Papa," The Child Forgot Her Pain For A Moment And

Smiled. At That Instant There Was A Blinding Flash Of Lightning, And The

Appalling Thunder-Peal Followed without Any Interval.

 

 

 

Both Mrs. Poland And Amy Gave A Faint And Involuntary Cry Of Alarm, But

Haldane'S Eyes Were Fixed on The Little Smiling Face That He Held So

Near To His Own. The Smile Did Not Fade. The Old, Perplexed expression

Of Pain Did Not Come Back, And After A Moment He Said Quietly And Very

Gently:

 

 

 

"Bertie Is With Her Father;" And He Lifted her Up And Carried her To Her

Mother, And Then To Amy, That They Might See The Beautiful And Smiling

Expression Of The Child'S Face.

 

 

 

But Their Eyes Were So Blinded by Tears That They Could Scarcely See The

Face