King Henry IV, Part 1 - William Shakespeare (sad books to read .TXT) 📗

art essentially mad without seeming so.

PRINCE. And thou a natural coward, without instinct.

FAL. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.

PRINCE. Go, hide thee behind the arras:—the rest walk, up above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.

 

FAL. Both which I have had; but their date is out, and therefore I’ll hide me.

PRINCE. Call in the sheriff.—

[Exeunt all but the Prince and Pointz.]

[Enter Sheriff and Carrier.]

Now, master sheriff, what’s your will with me?

SHER. First, pardon me, my lord. A hue-and-cry Hath followed certain men unto this house.

PRINCE. What men?

SHER. One of them is well known, my gracious lord,— A gross fat man.

CAR. As fat as butter.

PRINCE. The man, I do assure you, is not here; For I myself at this time have employ’d him. And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee, That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, Send him to answer thee, or any man, For any thing he shall be charged withal: And so, let me entreat you leave the house.

SHER. I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

PRINCE. It may be so: if he have robb’d these men, He shall be answerable; and so, farewell.

SHER. Good night, my noble lord.

PRINCE. I think it is good morrow, is it not?

SHER. Indeed, my lord, I think’t be two o’clock.

[Exit Sheriff and Carrier.]

PRINCE. This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go, call him forth.

POINTZ. Falstaff!—fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.

PRINCE. Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.

[Pointz searches.]

What hast thou found?

POINTZ. Nothing but papers, my lord.

PRINCE. Let’s see what they be: read them.

POINTZ. [reads] Item, A capon, … … … 2s. 2d. Item, Sauce, … … … … . . 4d. Item, Sack two gallons ,… 5s. 8d. Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. Item, Bread, … … … … . .ob.

PRINCE. O monstrous! but one half-pennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we’ll read it at more advantage: there let him sleep till day. I’ll to the Court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and I know his death will be a march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so, good morrow, Pointz.

POINTZ. Good morrow, good my lord.

[Exeunt.]

 

ACT III.

Scene I. Bangor. A Room in the Archdeacon’s House.

[Enter Hotspur, Worcester, Mortimer, and Glendower.]

MORT. These promises are fair, the parties sure, And our induction full of prosperous hope.

HOT. Lord Mortimer,—and cousin Glendower,—Will you sit down?— And uncle Worcester,—A plague upon it! I have forgot the map.

GLEND. No, here it is. Sit, cousin Percy; sit, good cousin Hotspur; For by that name as oft as Lancaster Doth speak of you, his cheek looks pale, and with A rising sigh he wisheth you in Heaven.

HOT. And you in Hell, as oft as he hears Owen Glendower spoke of.

GLEND. I cannot blame him: at my nativity The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes, Of burning cressets; ay, and at my birth The frame and huge foundation of the Earth Shaked like a coward.

HOT. Why, so it would have done at the same season, if your mother’s cat had but kitten’d, though yourself had never been born.

GLEND. I say the Earth did shake when I was born.

HOT. And I say the Earth was not of my mind, if you suppose as fearing you it shook.

GLEND. The Heavens were all on fire, the Earth did tremble.

HOT. O, then th’ Earth shook to see the Heavens on fire, And not in fear of your nativity. Diseased Nature oftentimes breaks forth In strange eruptions; oft the teeming Earth Is with a kind of colic pinch’d and vex’d By the imprisoning of unruly wind Within her womb; which, for enlargement striving, Shakes the old beldam Earth, and topples down Steeples and moss-grown towers. At your birth, Our grandam Earth, having this distemperature, In passion shook.

GLEND. Cousin, of many men I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave To tell you once again, that at my birth The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes; The goats ran from the mountains, and the herds Were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields. These signs have mark’d me extraordinary; And all the courses of my life do show I am not in the roll of common men. Where is he living,—clipp’d in with the sea That chides the banks of England, Scotland, Wales,— Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me? And bring him out that is but woman’s son Can trace me in the tedious ways of art, And hold me pace in deep experiments.

HOT. I think there is no man speaks better Welsh.—I’ll to dinner.

MORT. Peace, cousin Percy; you will make him mad.

GLEND. I can call spirits from the vasty deep.

 

HOT. Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?

GLEND. Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the Devil.

HOT. And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the Devil By telling truth: tell truth, and shame the Devil. If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither, And I’ll be sworn I’ve power to shame him hence. O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the Devil!

MORT. Come, come, no more of this unprofitable chat.

GLEND. Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head Against my power; thrice from the banks of Wye And sandy-bottom’d Severn have I sent Him bootless home and weather-beaten back.

HOT. Home without boots, and in foul weather too! How ‘scaped he agues, in the Devil’s name!

GLEND. Come, here’s the map: shall we divide our right According to our threefold order ta’en?

MORT. Th’ archdeacon hath divided it Into three limits very equally. England, from Trent and Severn hitherto, By south and east is to my part assign’d: All westward, Wales beyond the Severn shore, And all the fertile land within that bound, To Owen Glendower:—and, dear coz, to you The remnant northward, lying off from Trent. And our indentures tripartite are drawn; Which being sealed interchangeably,— A business that this night may execute,— To-morrow, cousin Percy, you, and I, And my good Lord of Worcester, will set forth To meet your father and the Scottish power, As is appointed us, at Shrewsbury. My father Glendower is not ready yet, Nor shall we need his help these fourteen days:— [To Glend.] Within that space you may have drawn together Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen.

GLEND. A shorter time shall send me to you, lords: And in my conduct shall your ladies come; From whom you now must steal, and take no leave, For there will be a world of water shed Upon the parting of your wives and you.

HOT. Methinks my moiety, north from Burton here, In quantity equals not one of yours. See how this river comes me cranking in, And cuts me from the best of all my land A huge half-moon, a monstrous cantle out. I’ll have the current in this place damn’d up; And here the smug and sliver Trent shall run In a new channel, fair and evenly: It shall not wind with such a deep indent, To rob me of so rich a bottom here.

GLEND. Not wind? it shall, it must; you see it doth.

MORT. Yea, but Mark how he bears his course, and runs me up With like advantage on the other side; Gelding th’ opposed continent as much As on the other side it takes from you.

WOR. Yea, but a little charge will trench him here, And on this north side win this cape of land; And then he runneth straight and evenly.

HOT. I’ll have it so: a little charge will do it.

GLEND. I will not have it alter’d.

HOT. Will not you?

GLEND. No, nor you shall not.

HOT. Who shall say me nay?

GLEND. Why, that will I.

HOT. Let me not understand you, then; speak it in Welsh.

GLEND. I can speak English, lord, as well as you; For I was train’d up in the English Court; Where, being but young, I framed to the harp Many an English ditty lovely well, And gave the tongue a helpful ornament, A virtue that was never seen in you.

HOT. Marry, and I am glad of it with all my heart: I had rather be a kitten, and cry mew, Than one of these same metre ballet-mongers; I had rather hear a brazen canstick turn’d, Or a dry wheel grate on the axletree; And that would set my teeth nothing on edge, Nothing so much as mincing poetry: ‘Tis like the forced gait of a shuffling nag.

GLEND. Come, you shall have Trent turn’d.

HOT. I do not care: I’ll give thrice so much land To any well-deserving friend; But in the way of bargain, mark ye me, I’ll cavil on the ninth part of a hair. Are the indentures drawn? shall we be gone? GLEND.

The Moon shines fair; you may away by night: I’ll in and haste the writer, and withal Break with your wives of your departure hence: I am afraid my daughter will run mad, So much she doteth on her Mortimer.

[Exit.]

MORT. Fie, cousin Percy! how you cross my father!

HOT. I cannot choose: sometimes he angers me With telling me of the moldwarp and the ant, Of the dreamer Merlin and his prophecies, And of a dragon and a finless fish, A clip-wing’d griffin and a moulten raven, A couching lion and a ramping cat, And such a deal of skimble-skamble stuff As puts me from my faith. I tell you what, He held me last night at the least nine hours In reckoning up the several devils’ names That were his lacqueys: I cried hum, and well, But mark’d him not a word. O, he’s as tedious As a tired horse, a railing wife; Worse than a smoky house: I had rather live With cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, Than feed on cates and have him talk to me In any summer-house in Christendom.

MORT. In faith, he is a worthy gentleman; Exceedingly well-read, and profited In strange concealments; valiant as a lion, And wondrous affable, and as bountiful As mines of India. Shall I tell you, cousin? He holds your temper in a high respect, And curbs himself even of his natural scope When you do cross his humour; faith, he does: I warrant you, that man is not alive Might so have tempted him as you have done, Without the taste of danger and reproof: But do not use it oft, let me entreat you.

 

WOR. In faith, my lord, you are too wilful-blunt; And since your coming hither have done enough To put him quite beside his patience. You must needs learn, lord, to amend this fault: Though sometimes it show greatness, courage, blood— And that’s the dearest grace it renders you,— Yet oftentimes it doth present harsh rage, Defect of manners, want of government, Pride, haughtiness, opinion, and disdain; The least of which haunting a nobleman Loseth men’s hearts, and leaves behind a stain Upon the beauty of all parts besides, Beguiling them of commendation.

HOT. Well, I am school’d: good manners be your