Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky (mini ebook reader .TXT) š
- Author: Fyodor Dostoevsky
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āThatās just what I was afraid of!ā Porfiry cried warmly and, as it seemed, involuntarily. āThatās just what I feared, that you wouldnāt care about the mitigation of sentence.ā
Raskolnikov looked sadly and expressively at him.
āAh, donāt disdain life!ā Porfiry went on. āYou have a great deal of it still before you. How can you say you donāt want a mitigation of sentence? You are an impatient fellow!ā
āA great deal of what lies before me?ā
āOf life. What sort of prophet are you, do you know much about it? Seek and ye shall find. This may be Godās means for bringing you to Him. And itās not for ever, the bondageā¦.ā
āThe time will be shortened,ā laughed Raskolnikov.
āWhy, is it the bourgeois disgrace you are afraid of? It may be that you are afraid of it without knowing it, 810 of 967
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because you are young! But anyway you shouldnāt be afraid of giving yourself up and confessing.ā
āAch, hang it!ā Raskolnikov whispered with loathing and contempt, as though he did not want to speak aloud.
He got up again as though he meant to go away, but sat down again in evident despair.
āHang it, if you like! Youāve lost faith and you think that I am grossly flattering you; but how long has your life been? How much do you understand? You made up a theory and then were ashamed that it broke down and turned out to be not at all original! It turned out something base, thatās true, but you are not hopelessly base. By no means so base! At least you didnāt deceive yourself for long, you went straight to the furthest point at one bound. How do I regard you? I regard you as one of those men who would stand and smile at their torturer while he cuts their entrails out, if only they have found faith or God. Find it and you will live. You have long needed a change of air. Suffering, too, is a good thing.
Suffer! Maybe Nikolay is right in wanting to suffer. I know you donāt believe in itābut donāt be over-wise; fling yourself straight into life, without deliberation; donāt be afraidāthe flood will bear you to the bank and set you safe on your feet again. What bank? How can I tell? I only 811 of 967
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believe that you have long life before you. I know that you take all my words now for a set speech prepared beforehand, but maybe you will remember them after.
They may be of use some time. Thatās why I speak. Itās as well that you only killed the old woman. If youād invented another theory you might perhaps have done something a thousand times more hideous. You ought to thank God, perhaps. How do you know? Perhaps God is saving you for something. But keep a good heart and have less fear! Are you afraid of the great expiation before you?
No, it would be shameful to be afraid of it. Since you have taken such a step, you must harden your heart. There is justice in it. You must fulfil the demands of justice. I know that you donāt believe it, but indeed, life will bring you through. You will live it down in time. What you need now is fresh air, fresh air, fresh air!ā
Raskolnikov positively started.
āBut who are you? what prophet are you? From the height of what majestic calm do you proclaim these words of wisdom?ā
āWho am I? I am a man with nothing to hope for, thatās all. A man perhaps of feeling and sympathy, maybe of some knowledge too, but my day is over. But you are a different matter, there is life waiting for you. Though, 812 of 967
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who knows? maybe your life, too, will pass off in smoke and come to nothing. Come, what does it matter, that you will pass into another class of men? Itās not comfort you regret, with your heart! What of it that perhaps no one will see you for so long? Itās not time, but yourself that will decide that. Be the sun and all will see you. The sun has before all to be the sun. Why are you smiling again?
At my being such a Schiller? I bet youāre imagining that I am trying to get round you by flattery. Well, perhaps I am, he-he-he! Perhaps youād better not believe my word, perhaps youād better never believe it altogetherāIām made that way, I confess it. But let me add, you can judge for yourself, I think, how far I am a base sort of man and how far I am honest.ā
āWhen do you mean to arrest me?ā
āWell, I can let you walk about another day or two.
Think it over, my dear fellow, and pray to God. Itās more in your interest, believe me.ā
āAnd what if I run away?ā asked Raskolnikov with a strange smile.
āNo, you wonāt run away. A peasant would run away, a fashionable dissenter would run away, the flunkey of another manās thought, for youāve only to show him the end of your little finger and heāll be ready to believe in 813 of 967
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anything for the rest of his life. But youāve ceased to believe in your theory already, what will you run away with? And what would you do in hiding? It would be hateful and difficult for you, and what you need more than anything in life is a definite position, an atmosphere to suit you. And what sort of atmosphere would you have?
If you ran away, youād come back to yourself. You canāt get on without us. And if I put you in prisonāsay youāve been there a month, or two, or threeāremember my word, youāll confess of yourself and perhaps to your own surprise. You wonāt know an hour beforehand that you are coming with a confession. I am convinced that you will decide, āto take your suffering.ā You donāt believe my words now, but youāll come to it of yourself. For suffering, Rodion Romanovitch, is a great thing. Never mind my having grown fat, I know all the same. Donāt laugh at it, thereās an idea in suffering, Nokolay is right.
No, you wonāt run away, Rodion Romanovitch.ā
Raskolnikov got up and took his cap. Porfiry
Petrovitch also rose.
āAre you going for a walk? The evening will be fine, if only we donāt have a storm. Though it would be a good thing to freshen the air.ā
He, too, took his cap.
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āPorfiry Petrovitch, please donāt take up the notion that I have confessed to you to-day,ā Raskolnikov pronounced with sullen insistence. āYouāre a strange man and I have listened to you from simple curiosity. But I have admitted nothing, remember that!ā
āOh, I know that, Iāll remember. Look at him, heās trembling! Donāt be uneasy, my dear fellow, have it your own way. Walk about a bit, you wonāt be able to walk too far. If anything happens, I have one request to make of you,ā he added, dropping his voice. āItās an awkward one, but important. If anything were to happen (though indeed I donāt believe in it and think you quite incapable of it), yet in case you were taken during these forty or fifty hours with the notion of putting an end to the business in some other way, in some fantastic fashionālaying hands on yourselfā(itās an absurd proposition, but you must forgive me for it) do leave a brief but precise note, only two lines, and mention the stone. It will be more generous. Come, till we meet! Good thoughts and sound decisions to you!ā
Porfiry went out, stooping and avoiding looking at Raskolnikov. The latter went to the window and waited with irritable impatience till he calculated that Porfiry had reached the street and moved away. Then he too went hurriedly out of the room.
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Chapter III
He hurried to SvidrigaĆÆlovās. What he had to hope from that man he did not know. But that man had some hidden power over him. Having once recognised this, he could not rest, and now the time had come.
On the way, one question particularly worried him: had SvidrigaĆÆlov been to Porfiryās?
As far as he could judge, he would swear to it, that he had not. He pondered again and again, went over Porfiryās visit; no, he hadnāt been, of course he hadnāt.
But if he had not been yet, would he go? Meanwhile, for the present he fancied he couldnāt. Why? He could not have explained, but if he could, he would not have wasted much thought over it at the moment. It all worried him and at the same time he could not attend to it. Strange to say, none would have believed it perhaps, but he only felt a faint vague anxiety about his immediate future. Another, much more important anxiety tormented himāit
concerned himself, but in a different, more vital way.
Moreover, he was conscious of immense moral fatigue, though his mind was working better that morning than it had done of late.
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And was it worth while, after all that had happened, to contend with these new trivial difficulties? Was it worth while, for instance, to manÅuvre that SvidrigaĆÆlov should not go to Porfiryās? Was it worth while to investigate, to ascertain the facts, to waste time over anyone like SvidrigaĆÆlov?
Oh, how sick he was of it all!
And yet he was hastening to SvidrigaĆÆlov; could he be expecting something new from him, information, or means of escape? Men will catch at straws! Was it destiny or some instinct bringing them together? Perhaps it was only fatigue, despair; perhaps it was not SvidrigaĆÆlov but some other whom he needed, and SvidrigaĆÆlov had simply presented himself by chance. Sonia? But what should he go to Sonia for now? To beg her tears again? He was afraid of Sonia, too. Sonia stood before him as an irrevocable sentence. He must go his own way or hers. At that moment especially he did not feel equal to seeing her.
No, would it not be better to try SvidrigaĆÆlov? And he could not help inwardly owning that he had long felt that he must see him for some reason.
But what could they have in common? Their very evil-doing could not be of the same kind. The man, moreover, was very unpleasant, evidently depraved, undoubtedly 817 of 967
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cunning and deceitful, possibly malignant. Such stories were told about him. It is true he was befriending Katerina Ivanovnaās children, but who could tell with what motive and what it meant? The man always had some design, some project.
There was another thought which had been continually hovering of late about Raskolnikovās mind, and causing him great uneasiness. It was so painful that he made distinct efforts to get rid of it. He sometimes thought that SvidrigaĆÆlov was dogging his footsteps. SvidrigaĆÆlov had found out his secret and had had designs on Dounia. What if he had them still? Wasnāt it practically certain that he had? And what if, having learnt his secret and so having gained power over him, he were to use it as a weapon against Dounia?
This idea sometimes even tormented his dreams, but it had never presented itself so vividly to him as on his way to SvidrigaĆÆlov. The very thought moved him to gloomy rage. To begin with, this would transform everything, even his own position; he would have at once to confess his secret to Dounia. Would he have to give himself up perhaps to prevent Dounia from taking some rash step?
The letter? This morning Dounia had received a letter.
From whom could she get letters in Petersburg? Luzhin, 818 of 967
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perhaps? Itās true Razumihin was there to protect her, but Razumihin knew nothing of
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