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grinding became more frequent and harder as time passed by, one grind after another. The drugs circulated their bloodstream, making its way in and out of their hearts like the need for this physical connection.

He began to kiss her neck as his hand trailed down back behind her, he pulled aside the thin layering of her thong and stuck a finger inside of her.

Immediately pleasure well up and she began to moan softly as his finger entered and left her body.

A deep breath was taken as empty kisses were placed on her skin, his fingers still generating magic.

The drugs, adrenaline and pleasure combine together to create a void of greatness and nothingness.

Is he just high? She thought. Of course he was, she was too. It’s not the only thing driving him to touch her and she knew that.

Before she knew it, her thong had been taken off and so were his boxers. He hovered over her body, wanting her to turn over so they could perform missionary.

She turned over and looked up at him from below with a begging expression. He made her wishes come true and he placed his member inside of her, going in and out slowly.

She started to moan, but he bent down and put his hand over her mouth to cover any kind of sensual noise.

He looked deep into her eyes as her begging became greater.

He replied, only going faster and harder, the way she likes it.

She put her hands around his body and began to place scratches along his back.

It’s been so unbelievably long since she had felt so… good.

 

Positions and orgasms later, they laid next to each other, their lips connected.

They kept connected, only when he took his mouth and bit her bottom lip. She felt her lip split open but she didn’t care.

They continued to be conjoined.

 

After a couple of make out sessions, he laid behind her and they were in the same position they were in two hours ago.

This time, only they remained naked, and they finally paid attention to the show.

They laughed at every single little thing and she was having a blast..

Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was the sex, maybe it was the cuddling.

Maybe it was all of it.

She just knew that this was the point where she might have hit rock bottom once again.

No progress was made from where she was a year prior, as that was her goal.

She wanted this year to be her year where she wanted it to be great for her.

Yet it turned out to be the opposite and all she has been doing is dealing with this defeat.

And she’s doing that by doing actions like this.

 

And hopefully, only hopefully, will she be able to crawl out of the abyss of this sadness and defeat.

One of these days she’ll hopefully have a man to sit down with and their three kids around them to watch an evening show while having some delicious dinner.

One of these days hopefully she’ll be able to see the importance in life and why we live it.

Hopefully she’ll be better.

Actions like this are normal, but it isn’t for a 15 year old girl.

Wouldn’t you agree?

 

Tuesday, October 16, 2018 and on.

 

Afterwards wasn’t such a fascinating or special experience.

A couple of worries were thrown in the mix with feelings of guiltiness and worthlessness. STD’s, pregnancy, coping...

No one was told about this event, besides her beloved Ryan.

He was fairly disappointed in her, but she expected nothing less. She only told him for the sake of comfort but all she got was a lecture. As stated, she expected nothing less.

It disgusted him greatly that his name was also Ryan. It angered him to know this is how she’s been dealing with her problems, but she didn’t really care.

She was convinced he didn’t understand the simple fact that it made her feel good and better. But what he wanted her to know that it was only temporary.

She knew that already though, she knew with each time, these feelings of greatness and love was only temporary. It never lasted.

The minute she got home that night, she crawled through her bedroom window and stood in the middle of her room. She took off her clothes and placed the dirtied ones at the bottom of her basket so it doesn’t raise suspicion for her mother. She placed her boots back in her shoe rack where they were originally.

She took her pillows used as humps under the blankets to make it seem like she was sleeping and put them on the sidelines of her bed.

Once everything seemed like she never left, she made her way to the bathroom and slowly shut the door behind her. She switched on the light and made her way to stand in front of the mirror.

It took a second for her to even look up.

She finally did and all she felt was a lump in her throat and complete, utter disgust.

She stared at herself and replayed the night in her head.

She took her hands and placed them around her body to reenact the feeling of his fingertips dancing upon her skin.  

Her right hand caressed her neck and she felt pain. She opened her eyes and looked in the mirror to find some kind of bruise.

She was certain it was a hickey.

Great.

She sighed and rubbed over it, staring in the mirror.

Damage was done, a mark was made.

Speaking of damage, her eyes trailed off to her lip. She remembered him biting her, and it splitting open.

There was a scab from the open spot and she ran her finger over it.

It was swollen but didn’t hurt, thankfully.

She just looks like she got beat up.

Rubbing over damaged places, she was trying to think of a story to explain to her mother.

It was no use, she’ll just tell her it split open.

She wasn’t lying at least.

Her neck however, she had no idea what she’d say about that. She’ll wing it.

She didn’t really care at this particular moment.

All she wanted was to close her eyes, and preferably to never wake up again.

She shut off the light and turned the door knob. She opened the door quietly and tip toed back to her room.

For a second, she stood in the hallway and admired her parents door.

“Fuck…”She whispers.

She turns away shameful and enters her own room.

Her dull body crawls it’s way towards her bed and finds a spot.

She closes her eyes and immediately dozes off to a deep sleep.

 

In the morning of October 16, 2018, she opens her eyes and immediately regret hits every part of her body.

She has a headache, her bones ache, her muscles hurt, and most important, her heart broke.

That night was certainly a mistake. It triggered a bunch of old habits and feelings.

She pretends to be oblivious and moves on with her day.

Homeschooling, she gets her homework done. Chores were completed.

But the only thing really on her mind was the fact that she did that, and that she’s definitely not okay.

No one really cares, is how she feels anyway.

They’ll listen to her and try to suggest advice, but how are you supposed to deal with a situation like this?

They can’t do anything to fix the problems that have drove her to resort to terrible actions like this. It’s not their fault but…

It makes her feel alone.

 

In the future, there will be more Ryan’s.

Nights full of regret and shameful stares in the mirror.

The guilt, the disappointment, and such dissatisfaction.

This is how the girl carries on with nights like these.

Nothing special, more typical if anything.

 

The questions lingers, what are her problems exactly?

It’s a simple yet such complex question.

Do you really want to know?

That’s the real question.



Imprint

Publication Date: 10-18-2018

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
Me Ryan

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