How to Become Rich - William Windsor (i want to read a book .TXT) 📗

Before we discuss the main issue of our subject to-night, it may be interesting and instructive to ask:  Why do people marry, anyhow? Did you ever think about that? There are a number of reasons, and we will discuss some of them.

A great many people marry because it is fashionable. They never stop to reason about it; they simply observe that nearly everybody else marries, and consequently they jump to the conclusion that it is the proper thing to do. Like most devotees of fashion in other things, they find it a very unprofitable investment.

A great many men marry, because they want a servant. That’s unprofitable also. Young man, you can hire your washing and ironing done by a Chinaman, and live in a first-class boarding house with much less expense. It don’t pay.

Some women marry because they want a home, and they find—a penitentiary. I visited a state prison a few days ago, and I found inside the walls a lot of convicts that were having a much better time than some married people of my acquaintance.

A large number of men and women marry for money. That don’t pay either in the long run. Young man, don’t marry a hundred thousand dollars with a girl attached, because some of these days you’ll find that the money has taken wings and flown away, and you’ll have a girl on your hands, and you won’t know what to do with her. Right here, I want to say to my friends who are disposed to look upon money as the  most valuable of all things, that if you marry according to my instructions you will marry the conditions which produce money. To marry for money, or to marry a person who possesses a fortune for no other reason, is a monstrous wrong, sure to be punished.

Some refined people marry for beauty. The motive is correct as far as it goes, but in practice we find few people competent to judge of beauty, or to use it correctly. The result is, that most people make the mistake of marrying a fragment of beauty only, or they marry beauty which is not of the kind or quality available in their cases. A man falls in love with a pretty hand, a shapely figure, a handsome mouth, or a pair of beautiful eyes, and he finds upon the more intimate acquaintance of marriage that the tout ensemble is far from being what he desired in a wife.

A young lady becomes enamoured of a magnificent specimen of physical manhood, but she finds to her sorrow that, notwithstanding his beauty, his whole character, in fact, is totally inharmonious with her own.

Some young ladies marry in a hurry, because they imagine that good husbands are going to be scarce in the future, and they live to wonder what a supply the market affords in later years. Young ladies, take my advice and be deliberate. There are going to be hundreds of good men after you are all grandmothers.

The real reason why people marry, is because it  is natural to do so. It is in accordance with a law of nature. To understand this fully we must study natural history for a few moments. As we observe the various orders of plants and animals, we find that in the lower forms of life, in vegetable or animal, the male and female principles are embodied in one individual; and that individual, being entirely capable of reproducing the species to which he belongs, stands as a perfect representative of that kind or species. We observe, however, that in the higher orders of plants and animals, the male and female principles are separated—are embodied in two separate individuals, and it requires the union of two of these individuals of different sex to reproduce the species, and it takes the two individuals, the male and female, to furnish us with a complete representation of that species.

Man is created in two parts, male and female, man and woman, and it requires the union of these two to reproduce the race, and to furnish us with the perfect specimen of the unit of humanity. The man or woman, considered separately, do not furnish us this complete ideal of humanity, but on the contrary each is incomplete without the other.

The conclusion which I wish you to draw from this argument is: that the old bachelor is only half of a man, which is a correct way of expressing his status in society. Why, my dear sir, you might as well expect to pull across the Atlantic Ocean in a  water-logged skiff, with only one oar, and make a successful voyage of it, as to pull across the ocean of life without the help of a good woman. And I have my suspicions of the morals, as well as my contempt for the taste of a man, who can wander through this country and see as many bright eyes, ruby lips, rosy cheeks, and shapely figures, as one may encounter any day in the week, and who does not marry.

Marriage then may be regarded as the natural condition of every mature man and woman. And, because it is natural to marry, there is all the more reason why it should be carefully studied, and why the human race should learn to form marriages in accordance with Natural Law.

When we study Matrimony in the light of Science, we find that it is surrounded and governed by Natural Laws, as inevitable in their consequences as the law of gravitation, and that the marriage relation is happy or unhappy as these laws have been obeyed or broken.

To constitute a perfect marriage, three great objects must be attained. The absence of any one of these from the marriage will cause its ignominious failure. There must be

First.—Such physiological conditions as will insure the improvement of offspring and the perpetuation of the race, for the accomplishment of which object, marriage is primarily established.

Second.—Amiable Companionship and Congenial  Association. The married pair must live together, and their mutual interests, as well as the interests of society, demand that the association be pleasant.

Third.—Mutual helpfulness in financial affairs and the maintainance of the establishment.

It is absolutely necessary that all three of these elements should combine to form the perfect marriage. Many good people imagine that if they can only live together in an amiable way, and have no serious quarrels, that they have reached the beau ideal of happiness. There are others who look only to the financial welfare of the union, and if the conditions seem favorable to the production of wealth, they approve of the marriage; but the fact remains that both of these conditions may be present and the marriage still be most unhappy.

When I was lecturing in the State of Indiana, some years ago, I had occasion to discuss this subject with the Mayor of a certain city, who informed me, with great glee, that he had “sold out” a Phrenologist, as he expressed it, on the occasion of his marriage. Said he, “My wife and I were examined the day before we married, by an eminent Phrenologist, who pronounced us totally unfitted for each other, and strongly urged us not to marry. Now, sir, I have lived with that good woman for forty years, and we’ve never had a quarrel, and we’ve made a good living into the bargain.”

  I did not want to hurt the old man’s feelings, and I felt that if he could get any comfort out of that marriage, I would be the last one to take it from him, so I kept silent; but when I looked over his family, and I counted five children that were partially idiotic, I thought that the Phrenologist had decidedly the best of the argument.

And suppose you do live with a good woman for forty years and never have a quarrel, is that anything to your credit? Certainly not. The man who couldn’t live with a good woman for forty years, and not insult her, ought to be ridden out of town on a rail. And the woman who can’t live with a good man, the same length of time, without getting her name on the police court records for smashing a frying-pan over his head, is not fit to move in good society.

It is desirable that the association of man and woman in marriage should be amiable, but that is not all that is to be desired. Neither is the physiological improvement of offspring the sole thing to be considered. The married pair may surround themselves with beautiful children, but if the conditions of the marriage have made them poor, if the parents are unable to educate their children, or to give them the necessities and advantages which are prompted by a laudable ambition, life will be shorn of most of its charms. And, on the other hand, if life is spent in one long scramble for riches, and there is in the union  nothing but the elements of sordid wealth, the actual standard of that marriage, as to the true richness of life, will be poor indeed.

These three grand consummations of Amiable Association, Financial Success, and Physiological Improvement are most devoutly to be wished, but how shall they be attained?

Before I proceed to give you my own theory, I want to tear down one or two others. I am nothing if not combative, and believe that the best way to establish truth is to begin by tearing down error. I wish to attack, in the first place, a theory much taught and too generally practiced, that one should seek, in matrimony, a companion as near like himself as possible. It is astonishing to see what a hold this theory has upon the public mind, considering the fact that it never has had any good results to support it. A distinguished Physiologist, in a recent work which has been extensively circulated, uses these words in speaking of a proper selection in matrimony:—

“What should be sought for is a congenial companion. A congenial companion is one who, under any given set of circumstances, will think, feel and act exactly as we would, not for the sake of agreeing with us, but of his own free will, etc.”

We consent that a congenial companion should be sought for, but we differ very much from the learned gentleman, just quoted, as to what constitutes a  congenial companion. To comply with the conditions he expresses, presupposes that the persons, who are to be congenial companions, must be alike in character, temperament, disposition; for if they differ in any of these, Phrenology proves that they will, under the same combination of circumstances, think, feel and act differently also. We will examine this theory in the light of results and see how it will work.

We will suppose the case of a man of the Bilious Temperament, dark complexion, hair and eyes; Moderate Caution; small Vitativeness, Hope and Self-esteem; large Destructiveness and Acquisitiveness. Such a combination gives a strong tendency to suicide in cases of financial loss. We marry him to a wife exactly like himself, and one day he comes home and informs her that an unlucky speculation has carried away their fortune, and he has resolved upon suicide. His wife, being a person “who, under any combination of circumstances, thinks, feels and acts” exactly as he does, raises no objection. “All right, my love. You take arsenic, and I’ll take strychnine,” and they go to perdition together. There is not enough vitality in such a marriage to last them over one disaster.

Study this theory to its legitimate conclusion in all cases, and you will find that its results are disastrous. Moreover, it is contrary to nature. It is not because a man is like a woman