Angels and Death - Samantha Thomas (the chimp paradox .txt) 📗

" OH!, YOUR AWAKE!...."


"Hmm" I moan, as awoke. At first, -when I opened my eyes- all seemed the same. But my eyes were a little blurry, still full of sleep from the sandman. Or the morphine, which ever. Then, when I remembered were I was, I promptly remembered who was here with me. " Oh!, your awake!" he said. I squeaked out a gasp. I snuck a scared peak over to the left, and sure enough, their he sat wide awake. Staring straight at me. " Hello." he spoke again. (beep..beep..beep..) There's goes the damn monitor again. His voice rang with soft demeanor, manly yet, sensitive, almost like music. It was beautiful. His dark eyes screamed volumes, they spoke of trust, of honesty, and still you could see they held secrets. They were the color of melted chocolate, milky chocolate.



His lips were a soft pink. light and fluffy rose petal pink. And I had to stop myself then, my eyes were taking over. Pull your self together woman! Snap out of it! "Umm,.. hello. I-I’m not really?..." sure what to say to you, I finished inside my cowardice brain.
" I’m sure you, have no idea who I am. Please don’t be afraid, Will you except my explanation?" he said. His face wore a look of weary determination, he seemed nice enough. Those eyes pleading to me, boring into me searching for understanding. Well, when u put it that way.... no. Just kidding. " Yes" I managed. He exhaled, with relief if only a little. I realized I had too.

It was like he was up chucking the words "Well you see, I was on my way to work, and I had just gotten a large hot coffee, which I might add is very VERY hot and, because I work third shift, I’m mean I’ve tried and I just cant find any other way of staying awake well any ways I was coming down the street and I saw the light changing to yellow, and I thought if I move a little quicker I could make it and then my phone started ringing, and I went to reach over with my left hand and plowed it into my right hand that was holding the very flame like coffee, and the next thing I know I’m covered in lava, and....." "HOLY SHIT BREATHE MAN!" I choke out with a screech.

"Ok Ok, I get it! Accidental, car accident. Got it." I said. He looked very ashamed. He put his head down and fiddled with his hands wringing them in and out. Around and around. Then he jumped up like a jack in the box and said " Maybe I should go, I’m not welcome, I see that. I’m very, very sorry, truly, I am." and started to head for the door. "Wait!" I called after him. He stopped but didn’t turn around. So I continued, " I’m alive,.. and.." I faltered then. What the hell was I supposed to say? Why should it matter? But I knew why it did, he stayed but not only that, I felt… close to him, that this was all for a reason. It was all very enigmatic and unusual but still… When he hit me he could have left then, (he was fine. fit as a fiddle.) and welcome warrant’s and possible felony charges with a hit and run., but he could have.

Or he could have just left when they declared him in perfect health. A miracle he didn’t have to do this. But... he did. When I faltered on the "And..." he turned slightly towards me and there was this.. look in his eyes... I tried to place it... but I came up with nada. " Please.... I’m mean....you don’t have to...go" I finally finished in small voice. "Are you sure? you don’t have to do this, feel like you owe me. You owe me nothing." he stated. I noticed how he spoke, and he sounded funny to me, not in an accented way, just in an old timely way.

I said " Yes " once more and he gave a slight nod, and seated himself back into the chair. He sat in that chair for quite some time, as we talked about different sorts of things. For example; I found out his name is Caspian, I thought it was a little weird, so I told him I’m going to call him Cas. Cas was new around here and I thought maybe that explained his oddness. I found him very interesting, and welcome strangely. We talked for hours and hours, until finally I fell asleep. This continued on for weeks, as I awaited my full and speedy recovery, -although not so much the speedy, unfortunately- but not unfortunate in the fact that I found a new friend in an unlikely situation. I now considered him a treasured companion. He was shy sometimes, and unsure. then bold, and forward other times. Like I said odd.

one night we were up late watching re-runs of that 70's show. eating a variety of snack's I smuggled from each meal, and some he got from the cafeteria. When he opened up a Swiss roll, pooped into his pie-hole and moaned. " Oh man!,.. this.. this is good! " he said over each savored chew. Who hasn’t had a Swiss roll? " Yeah you think? you should try this bad boy right here! This here, fella’ will knock you on your ass! " I replied playfully. I held in my hand an Oreo brownie with crumbled Oreo filling atop softened chocolate fudge, oh god! he lay next to me on my bed, just like most nights since they removed my cage.

My legs laid free now, atop the bed. normally. I had stuffed a good size chunk in my mouth. he looked my way and laughed. I smiled back big waiting to hear the punch line. His hand reached up and touched the corner of my mouth. With his fingers cupping the left side of my face, his thumb rubbed across my top lip, down, down around to my bottom lip. So gentle so soft his hands. His look softened at me and he said "It seems, you have some resistant fudge. Guess it wanted to enjoy your pretty lips awhile longer," "Shut up. " I murmured softly and it was back to that 70's show.

Our unusual friendship, lasted day in and day out. When I left for physical therapy, he'd stay around, or grab a bite to eat, but never left not while I was awake anyways. Hmmm, but each and everyday he had on fresh clothes, but the same old shoes with the blood stains on them. I think I will ask about that, what kinda weirdo.. "Ahem," he cleared his throat nervously, then continued. "Umm, I’m not sure how to go about this?..." his whole atmosphere changed. No longer was it bright, and sunny, but now held clouds it seemed. I already noticed his nervous demeanor, but now there was fear in his eyes as well. That set me on edge. Now I became the bag of nerve’s he seemed to be. He paced back and forth in front of my bed. Back and forth... back and forth... head down, hands tight. " What’s going on?, You can tell me Cas... you know that right?" I said, unsure of what his reply might be.

" I... I’m... I have to go." he said. I snorted trying to make light of this uncomfortable situation. "Well sure, I would too, so I could ditch those shoes. Knew you weren’t that much of a weirdo." I said with a laugh.
"No, Sam.." he was still pacing away. "No the shoe's? Or..? I’m confused,.." I said, even though it seemed to be more than that. I felt a nagging sense of fear creeping, slowly. He stopped pacing, stood right in front of my hospital bed and stared right into my eyes, and said in a small voice "No, Sam. It's not the shoe's. I have to leave and I wont be coming back, not ever. Do you understand? You‘ll never see me again."

Then Cas's face hardened. His soft look's now severe. I was right to be weary, to be unsure. the fear no longer crept, it seeped into my skin, and slithered into my bones. I felt it suffocating my marrow. "why?" I half cried, that’s all I could do. He just kept staring. those molten eyes boring into mine. "Why? Why cant you stay? Is it cause you spend every day here with me? Cause I swear I’m sorry, you don’t have too! You can go any time you'd like. I’ll try not to be so greedy anymore I didn’t know that I was, it's just... I didn’t expect to be you're friend, hell I didn’t even expect to know you! But I do and I’m really, really glad. Cas you make me happy. Please what did I do?..."

I didn’t understand my strong emotions. They felt alien to my core. I was shaking, breathing erratically, what was this? Cas is a friend. sure a very new friend, but a friend, never the less. It didn’t make sense to feel so strongly for a friend.... But it felt so much more than that too, like I was losing myself, like some big part of me was leaving, being ripped away… and then I knew, to me Cas was not just a friend. I was, undoubtedly in love with Cas, but it was so so much more complex than that, and he was leaving me.

Then that look came back on his face. The one from the first time we spoke, the one I could not place. Well I could place it now. Regret, sorrow filled regret.
Cas regretted me. That hurt more than I ever thought possible. More then my accident, more then him leaving. My breath shallowed, and my lips puckered and quivered. No, no! I will not cry, not in front of him, I’m not gonna give him the satisfaction. "I am sorry, I am, but this never should have been. I have been beyond foolish." Cas spoke like a robot, sounding off the typed in words.

I cant believe this. My eyes began burning, and my vision became watery, but I tried holding my ground. I did. It makes sense, I guess. He hoped I had just let him leave, walk out that door. But I didn’t it was like I had talked him into staying. Damn it! He seemed, honest, sincere. How the hell could I have been so wrong? I thought we were friends, that we were so close, that we had something? I told him things.. "I TOLD YOU THINGS!... that I never would have said to another living soul! I TRUSTED YOU!" I yelled. I never trusted anyone, not besides my grandmother and my best friend Tiffany. I was crying now. My traitorous tears leaking down my face in their disgusting glory.

There he stood still staring at me, still as stone cold as ice. Cas took in a small breath, his left hand twitched upward. His brow slightly peaked, and his mouth moved like he was just about to speak, "Goo-" and then he thought better of it. He turned and walked out of my room. ‘Goodbye,’ I’m assuming, is what he would’ve said.


Angels and death 2010 © Samantha Thomas.

CHAPTER 4.