Daeva: Black Diamond Chrysalis - Danielle Bolger (essential reading txt) 📗

Abigail

The weekend passed for me pleasantly calm and mediocre just as Monday was setting out to be.

Though I did enjoy the peace, this surprised me after the declaration Bethanie had given. I had been sure there was an imminent war ensuing and that we would be battling our way to the daeva-luxes' side. However that hadn't come to pass thus far. Nor had anything spectacular at all, people just went on with their lives unaffected by all the strangeness I was learning.

School functioned like normal too, only it was better because there was where I was allowed to see my boyfriend.

During lunch on Monday Eric and I ran off from the group and walked around the school grounds, talking as we held hands. This received a lot of looks from other students and a few wolf-whistles. I blushed heavily upon hearing the latter as did Eric, but neither one of us let go of our hands, it just felt too nice to be interlocked like we were.

"It's embarrassing." Eric giggled. "But still it's worth it, being near you is the greatest thing of all. But you might not feel the same way, I understand if you want to let go since all those whistles are for you really, about how beautiful you are."

"Oh, Eric..." I gushed as I placed my free hand to my cheek. "Don't say such things, it's only making me go red! But even with all that, I don't wanna let go!"

"And I will never let you go, Abigail, not even if you asked me to. You mean the world to me, I really do like you very much!"

"I like you very much too, Eric!" I parroted breathily, but then frowned as memory triggered.

"What's wrong, Abigail?"

"I... I am just feeling a little confused by things, that's all."

"Not about us!?" He asked with alarm.

"No!" I smiled, "That's the one thing I'm sure about!" I gave his hand a squeeze to illustrate my point before letting my smile drop. "It's just that I've been wondering about something. Do you think that evil really exists? Like are there monsters out there that want nothing but power and are willing to hurt innocent people in the process?"

"You've been watching too many scary movies with your mother!" Eric smirked but followed up when my expression did not lessen. "Hey, what you said just there, that's all nonsense! Sure there are bad things in this world and people who do bad things to bring them about, but I don't believe there is such a thing as a bad person or a bad animal for that matter. We all do things that we are think are right at the time, but sometimes what's right for one person is bad or even considered evil for others, but that person never intentionally set out to be evil - it just doesn't exist."

"But how can you say that when there's all those horrible crimes being committed out there? Abuse, rape, murder. In some parts of the world, I know that they even give children weapons to fire on others, kids younger than us! I know a lot of people think I'm naive, but I'm not, I know the bad that goes on in this world and then, I guess, there's bad in other worlds too..."

"Shh..." Eric hushed to stop my rambling. "Hey, I hear what you're saying and I don't disagree, there's a lot of bad things happening, but it's not evil that causes these things."

"It's... not evil?"

Eric shook his head. "No, there is no such thing. What causes all these bad actions is not evil but hate, anger, despair and fear. They all play a role in destroying a person's soul."

"I don't understand, Eric," I admitted, "even with those emotions why would people choose to harm others?"

"It's not really that complicated when you think about it. Things happen to people, terrible horrible things that they have no control over and that leads to people feeling vulnerable, violated and weak. When it occurs they're usually too young to react and vent, or these feelings are too great that any reaction would never be enough, so it bubbles inside them and strengthens. Left inside these emotions change the way they think and feel about others until finally it releases towards an outlet that they can over power. Trouble is, by that point the release only vents the emotions at the surface but what causes the hate is still within them, buried deep down."

"So you're saying that people aren't evil, they can just act like it sometimes because it helps them deal with... their pasts?"

"Yeah, exactly. No one is truly evil, people are just by-products of the circumstances that raised them. But in saying that, if a person hasn't been able to move on from the bad things that has happened to them in life then it will eventually leak out and attack others weaker than them. It's just their way of dealing with the pain."

"But..." I murmured. "If they're hurting others to get over their own hurt doesn't that hurt them again? Surely these people have some empathy and feel other people's pain, right?!"

"I reckon they do, but a lot of these kind of people choose to shut it out. Which probably makes it even worse in a way, because then the pain inside them increases and so they seek to release again by the only means they know how...."

"By hurting others they let go of their own pain, but it is only temporary, soon it comes back stronger than ever but because they don't understand where the new additional pain comes from they think it's still all from their past and so they wish to release again and..." I gasped. "The cycle continues!"

"That's right and so long as they think they can get away with doling out their own hurt onto others they'll keep doing it until some drastic intervention happens."

"So you really think that there is no evil, it's just circumstance to how a person acts?"

"Not just circumstance," he smiled wryly, "but genes too, nature and nurture always have an equal hand. But still, I don't believe that nature could ever be evil, just as someone never intended to do cruel things. I'm sorry," he added with a lighter voice. "This really isn't the nicest of boyfriend-girlfriend conversations, is it? I'll shut up now."

"No, it's fine!" I bit my bottom lip. "I never really believed in evil myself so it's nice to hear someone back me up. I feel relieved actually, like the world almost turned onto a different axis but you were there to hold it up!" I grinned.

His deep brown eyes beamed. "If it means holding up the world to keep you standing, then I'd do it any day of the week!"

I giggled as I turned away bashfully but quickly sobered. "Eric, what makes you so passionate about this topic?"

"Because, I guess I couldn't understand why people did bad things so I made an attempt to find that out."

"But why? Why did you have that need? It's not like you were ever victimised."

Eric still held my hand as we walked but turned his gaze far aside. "Just because I wasn't a victim of this anger, doesn't mean that I wasn't affected by it. I wasn't directly, but other people are and that made me angry also."

Though the hand he held in mine remained the same I noticed his other clench tightly.

"Who, Eric? Who do you know that has been made a victim?"

Eric raised his eyebrows in a way to say, well, here we go. "John and Chloe in our grade for a couple. They've been teased since we started high-school, but there's also other kids in other grades, other schools and other playgrounds. But it doesn't have to be just kids, it could be anyone made an outcast from their peers: adults in their offices, members of family and then the social groups from the larger society. Everyone does it, bullies, everywhere, but understandable so you just... can't... react. Or else, you would be just as bad."

Silence hung as we walked and for many moments I processed this information. It seemed profound, wise, experienced and still far too much for a fifteen year old boy.

Again I asked the question, "Eric, what has led you to feel this way?"

That was when I felt his grip around mine tighten. "You know how Jordan is special? Well, we didn't all know that at first, my parents and I. I knew that he was different to me, shy but he was younger so I thought that was normal. But his condition didn't become apparent until he started play group. I remember when my mum and I went to pick him up from there and saw the other kids tease him. Mum didn't actually see it, it was just me because I ran straight to the playground to pick my little brother up where I expected to find him but when I did I wasn't happy as I saw him being picked on by the other kids. Jordan was falling behind but it didn't seem to be such a big deal. He was already so smart and so a stumble here and there was expected, only... This turned out to be a much larger stumble than anyone expected. Maybe we knew the signs, I think I did even though I was barely into my double figures, but I knew something was up with my little brother. Still, I pretended that there wasn't because I didn't want to believe. I pretended so much that months went by before my parents cottoned on where precious time to Jordan's treatment was lost. But I thought I was protecting him just as whenever someone made a snide comment about Jordan I remembered either defending him or coming up with my own comment back."

"Bad people..." I analysed. "They're bullies, just some with more power than others, right?"

Eric nodded as he continued his story. "I was still in primary school when Jordan was placed into a special school so that he could be separated from our world, so that he wouldn't be teased." Eric shook his head as if frustrated. "He's not that disabled! Yeah he's not as smart as us, apparently he's only at the intellect of a five year old even though he's ten, but he's not stupid! He's not so dumb that he doesn't realise when he's being teased or when he's being talked over the top of like a toddler! Ever since the disease took him people think he's inferior, just because he can't communicate and work through problems like he used to! When they're kind they act like he doesn't exist, but sometimes they're angry and they see Jordan as that weak outlet to pour their hatred into!"

"Oh gosh, Eric!" I exclaimed as my other hand grasped his, my whole body turning around and ceasing our walk. "I didn't know, Jordan has always been such a happy boy and I love him to pieces!"

Eric raised a hand, brushed a free brunette lock from my face to behind my ear.  "That's it, Abigail. That's why I like you so much! You don't see those horrible things and most importantly, you don't see anyone as prey. You see them as friends and that's why I'll never let you go."

I smiled wanly before it fell. "So