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He looked straight back into my eyes as I hid my arms behind my back keeping them out of sight. I wasn’t ashamed with what I did; I just didn’t want to see the pity.
I searched his eyes looking for any sign of disrespect or hatred towards me but there was none. I saw sorrow in his eyes, for a second a hint of regret flashed across them but it left as soon as it came as he noticed I was searching in his eyes. It wasn’t regret of sitting here with me but regret of him wanting to change the past so I wasn’t in this country to begin with. But he never had anything to do with me being here I had never seen this man in my life. He tore his grey eyes away from my blue ones like he hated seeing the pain in them.
“Kileshia, I’m sorry for dragging you away in such short notice but know that I am doing this for my reasons.” He unfolded his arms and ran his right hand through his hair, scratching the back of his neck and playing with his hair. He didn’t sound American even though he lived in New York like I will be doing shortly. I then remembered Emma saying he was friends with Tim he must have lived in England first, but he didn’t sound English either his accent was strange, one that I’d never heard before. His last letters of each word twirled at the end making them flow more easily like a short melody. His accent wasn’t the only confusing thing about him he acted like he didn’t belong here like he was from a different world. He frowned when we cued up to get a coffee as he saw the woman behind the counter using the coffee machine and the cash register. He also sighed and tapped his foot a lot like everything was terribly slow. I guess New York was incredibly quick.
I wouldn’t ask him although it was bugging me; I was going to keep at a mute until Friday, in two days’ time to make sure he was serious about adopting me. I didn’t care about him adopting me once I realised Emma wanted me to go. I grew up with change as I was always past around like a present in the game of ‘pass the parcel’ at a kid’s birthday party, I had a different foster family each two to three months sometimes little as two weeks.
“Look Kileshia, it would be a lot easier if you spoke to me so I could get to know you and you could do the same to me, we are going to be living together.” He sighed after a while of me still not talking he looked desperate.
“I know this is scary for you…”
“It’s not.” I cut him off with a simple sentence in a harsh voice putting much venom into it as possible. I don’t know what came over me when I spoke I just had an urge to, like someone was making me speak it was weird.
I saw a flicker of hope in his expression as I spoke but it soon faded when he realized the harshness in my voice.
“I guess that you hate me at the minute,” He sighed. “But that could be worked on I suppose as we are going to be seeing each other every day.”
“It’s going to take more than a couple of days,” I spat out again. I tried to resist the urge to speak but it had a hold on me and the words came out automatically.
“I realize that, Kileshia please trust me that I’m not going to leave you in a foster home, I will be with you every step of the way through your life.” He said, his words seeming to have another meaning to them. He picked up the cream cup of coffee and took a sip; he scrunched his nose up in disgust.
“God, hum-people can’t make coffee here,” He faulted at his words like he was going to say something else and I titled my head to the side in confusion.
“What were you going to say?” I asked staring at him in the eyes. He fidgeted under my gaze.
“Nothing,” He spoke bravely. “Tomorrow you don’t have to go to school as you need to pack your clothes up I will be there to help you if you like so will Emma and her husband Tim.” He changed the conversation with ease.
“I need to say good bye to the boys,” I wisped looking at my wrists again.
“I have arranged for the boys to meet you in your flat tomorrow as we are leaving early morning Friday.”
“What time are they coming?” I asked.
“Just after school,” He answered.
“Ok, do they know?” I wisped.
“Know what?”
“That you’re adopting me?” I wisped again the word ‘adopting’ coming out as a struggle.
“No… I thought it would be best if you told them… but I can tell them or Emma can if you can’t.”
“No, I will.” I growled as nice as possible. I couldn’t imagine them telling the boys it had to be me.
“Emma tells me that you’re in a band with them?” He asked with a smile on his face, and I nodded in response not knowing what to say.
“What music do you play?”
“Anything as long as it’s not classical and has some emotion in it and it wasn’t just created for the money.” I answered truthfully we mainly played indie or alternative, I smiled at the thought of my band.
“What instrument do you play?”
“Drums, do you play anything?” I wanted to ask questions so he didn’t know much more about me.
“No, it works out you need talent for that sort of thing my parents always tried to get me to play the piano but apparently I’m no good at concentrating, within weeks my piano teacher gave up and left.” He smiled at the memory.
I tried to hold in my laughter but I couldn’t and within minutes he was laughing also.
“What are you parents like?” I asked in wonder, I felt a slight pain of jealousy that he grew up with his parents when I didn’t.
“They’re crazy.” He laughed thinking about them, “My Mother has a new hobby each week and my Father goes along with every think she says without hesitation,”
“Sounds like Emma and Tim.” I smiled.
“How long have you known them?” He asked.
“About a year,” I replied “What about you? Tim never mentioned you in conversation and Emma hasn’t heard of you either.”
“A couple of weeks, me and Tim met on business.”
“And you just became automatic friends?” Something about this felt wrong and I was going to find out what it was.
“Yes…is it really that hard to believe that I can’t make friends?” He wondered raising his bushy eyebrows in the process.
“Something about you seems wrong and I’m going to find out what it is.” I stated confidently.
“I wish you wouldn’t try.” He covered his mouth up like he cussed. He just proved that he was keeping something secret. I stared at him telling him that he just got caught, “I will tell you in time just not here and not now.” He mumbled while bowing his head in promise.
“Good,” I simply said and I was replied with a smile from him.
“Is everything going OK?” Asked Emma as she sat back down in the chair next to John, she was staring at me searching my eyes. Goodness! Why do people look for emotions in my eyes? It’s so annoying.
I nodded a ‘yes’ while John managed to answer in words. “It’s going great.”
Emma beamed at me and John. “That’s brilliant.” She shrieked getting all excited.
“Wow, I didn’t know you wanted to get rid of me that fast.” I thought out loud and regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth and reached to Emma’s nosy ears.
She looked hurt, worse than hurt. She looked agonized. I felt terribly bad as I saw her facial expression I knew how bad mental pain could be and I made her feel like it, I’m so stupid!
“I’m sorry I didn’t…” I was lost for words.
“I’m not trying to get rid of you Esh, honestly I’m not I just want you to be happy that’s all.” She sighed while leaning back in her chair. She was pleading with her eyes telling me not to make it any harder than it already is.
“I know and I’m sorry I honestly don’t know why I said it, I’m stupid.” I stated while gesturing with my hands naturally as I explained.
“No, you’re not stupid,” Emma chuckled but the pain was still evident in her voice, she was covering it up well though.
“Yes I am. I always say stuff I’m not meant to and you know how much trouble it gets me into.” I sighed, thinking back at school with the amount of detentions I had received over the years. I even had a criminal record for goodness sack.
“You’re honest Esh, and you always say things that are on your mind which is one of the best things about you, no one can take that away from you.” She reached over the small table reaching for my outstretched hand that was laid out onto the wood. Peeking over at John I saw how awkward he looked like he shouldn’t be watching our exchange.
“Since when did this conversation become so cliché and touchy?” I giggled as I watched the tears well up into Emma’s bright blue, popping eyes.
“I don’t know.” She sniffed back towards me as a reply. I laughed at her. “Oh yeah, I forget you had a heart of stone.” Emma sniffed once again as she rolled her eyes towards me laughing at her.
“I don’t have a ‘heart of stone’ or whatever you call it.” Putting air quotes around the heart bit. “I’m just used to leaving things behind and starting a new.” I smiled reassuringly at her.
“I’m hurting you…” She mumbled into her cup of empty coffee.
“No you’re not hurting me, leaving all of you guys isn’t going to hurt Friday as I leave, as hard and as mean that may sound it’s true, I’m so used to a new start it’s the norm for me… What sucks is that you are giving me away so happily and so easily.” I ran my right hand through my hair pushing it back as the pink colour shaded my face as I shuck my head from my outburst of feelings and truth.
“It’s not easy; I’m doing this for you…”
“My own good yes I know, as you keep saying.”
“Then why don’t you believe me?”
“It’s because I’m happy here, Emma. Seeing you and the boys’ everyday has given me some confidence back and it reassures me that there are good people out in the world. I also don’t have to worry.” I nearly slipped there. I was going to say ‘I don’t have to worry about being seen at night as I live on my own.’ Thank God I stopped myself I couldn’t tell her, she wouldn’t believe me for one.
“Worry about what Esh?” Esh was the nickname everyone called me as Kileshia was a bit of a handful. It started as Emma’s triplets couldn’t pronounce ‘Kileshia’ so I told them to call me ‘Esh’ instead. What I didn’t know at the time was that it would stick with me for the rest of the time I stayed here and probably beyond that as John was hearing it so many times today.
“You know… how am
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