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always followed with formal charges. And correct me if I’m wrong, but if I arrest you, it’s a clear parole violation.” His smile held no humor. “Now, I ask you again, do you want me to push this through, and everyone goes down together? Or shall we all just let it pass?”

He had me in a corner, but gave me a way out. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut. I bit my tongue. What choice did I have?

“That’s what I thought,” he said with a smile. “I hope you realize I’ve done you a favor here when I didn’t have to.” His smile held no humor. “I want you to repay me that favor.”

I felt a sinking sensation, guessing what he wanted.

Sheriff Burke pushed the folder aside. “I’m willing to let your two transgressions go: the assault charge and failing to show up for a parole check. I’ll make you a deal. I want you out of my town. Forever. Just go and never come back; otherwise, I will dog your every move. You so much as fart too loud in a crowded room and I’ll have you up on charges and back to the penitentiary so fast your head will spin.”

Something in me stirred.

The sheriff continued, “You bring too many bad memories for too many people. Too many hard feelings. You tried to murder my boy, and I will never forgive you for that. Wherever you go, trouble is going to follow, and I don’t want any trouble in my town.”

“Middleton is big enough for everyone,” I said, standing up. “Just tell Barry to get off my back, and there won’t be any trouble.”

Sheriff Burke shot to his feet. “Is that a threat, Miss Anderson? Are you making threats?”

I could feel the heat rising in my hands and fingers. I ground my teeth. “No. No threat.”

“Good. Now get your skinny ass out of here before I charge you for loitering.”

I walked away, but at the door, I paused. “I’m not leaving town, Sheriff.”

“One way or another, yes you are.”

* * *

It had gone pretty much as I expected. Even though I felt that rage grow when I was in the sheriff’s office, I was proud of myself that I had maintained control. At least I wouldn’t have to wash soot off my fingers.

Uncle Edward stumbled to his feet trying to catch up.

“What happened in there?” he asked.

I spoke in a monotone voice. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”

“Don’t try to pull the wool over this little lamb’s eyes,” he countered. Halfway down the walk, he grabbed my arm. “What was said?”

I stopped short and took a deep breath. “It’s handled. We were very clear with each other where we stand. He wants me gone, and I’m not leaving.”

Uncle Edward’s face clouded over. “Ain’t his place to say who stays and who goes. Maybe I should have a little talk with him.”

“Look, Uncle Edward. It wouldn’t do any good. There’s too much bad blood between us. But as long as I keep my nose clean, he can’t do anything. Straight and narrow, that’s me. Like I said, it’s handled.”

He watched me for a second before nodding. Then he led me back to his pickup.

As I got in the truck, I spotted a black Camaro idling at the end of the street out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head to get a better look, the driver gunned the engine and peeled out. It was Barry, and even from that distance, I could sense the malice and hatred.

Maybe it wasn’t as handled as I had hoped.

Ten years. You would think that was enough time to get things in perspective and move on. Apparently, Barry couldn’t put the past behind him, and had let the memory fester like a burn. Would it never heal?

It had been an accident, and I—more than anyone else—had to live with the pain of my memories on a daily basis. How could it not have been an accident? I never even knew, at that point, what power I had within me. How could I have suspected? How could I have controlled it? This affliction had been, and continued to be, a force unto itself.

Maybe it was a mistake to think I could ever have come home. The pain and anger was obviously still fresh after a decade. I had been here less than a week and I had already come close to losing control twice. Was I delusional in thinking I could maintain that control in the face of certain confrontation with Barry and his father? I wasn’t sure if there was any way to diffuse this situation.

I had a decision to make, and I needed to make it soon.

 

Chapter Eleven

The next evening, I was standing behind the counter of the Lazy Z, leafing through a news magazine and feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I should just pack it all up and move along.

When the phone rang, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

“Lazy Z Motel. How may I help you?”

“Hey, chicky. What’re you up to?”

It was Beth. I needed a friendly voice right now. My mood lightened immediately.

“Just hanging,” I said in a casual voice.

“Heard you had a bit of a rough night the other night—why didn’t you say anything?”

“Small towns!” I shook my head even though Beth couldn’t see me.

She said, “You know it! Barry’s a dick. But you can tell me all about it after work. What time are you off your shift?”

“Um.” I glanced at the clock. It was a quarter past ten. “Eleven.”

“Great! Get your fancy pants on and we’ll come by and pick you up in an hour.”

“Who’s we?” I asked. “And for what?”

We is John and me. We got his mom to take John Jr. for the night. The what is The Trough. You’ve been pent up for ten years, girlfriend. Time to tie one on for old time’s sake.”

A sudden knot pulled at my stomach. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not?” asked Beth. “What else you gonna do on a Saturday night? Curl up with a good book and a hot bath? Ain’t gonna happen as long as I’m your best friend!”

“Well, the sheriff is kind of gunning for me. I don’t want to give him any excuse.”

“What,” Beth said, “it’s not like going to a bar is a parole violation … or is it?”

“Well, one of my conditions is no alcohol.”

She scoffed. “Then we’ll order you a Shirley Temple. There’s nothing to stop you from going to a bar and saying hello, is there? There’s no law against dancing yet!”

“I guess that isn’t one of my conditions. But, still—”

Beth’s voice softened with concern. “You’re not breaking any rules. It’s Saturday night. What’s the problem?”

I sighed. “Well, besides you, I haven’t really felt welcome back in town. I thought I’d just lay low for a while, let everyone get used to me again.”

“That’s a load of crap, Darcy,” she said. When I didn’t reply, she added, “Hey, I already called everyone we know. Half our graduating class will be there. It’ll be like a reunion.”

Ugh! My gut twisted.

“Uh, Beth—”

She cut me off. “Hey, I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ll give you until half past to grow a pair and get ready and then we’re going to come calling. It’s going to be a blast!”

But she had already hung up before I could launch another protest. I felt sick. I wasn’t ready for this. There had been too much turmoil in the past few days, too much change. After ten years of routine and structure, I had changed from that adventurous rebel to a shy and withdrawn wallflower.

But that was one of the reasons I’d come home again, instead of building a new life in a different town: deep down, I wanted to find that girl of my youth. I wanted to turn back the dial, reset my life, put the car in reverse and make a course correction.

I wanted to start over, and hiding out in my uncle’s motel wasn’t getting me anywhere except more depressed and uncertain.

Going out tonight scared me half to death, but if I had a support system in Beth and John, I thought I would be all right.

If I wanted to stack the deck and improve my odds of getting through my first official night back into normal society, though, I needed to add one more element.

* * *

I got as far as Neil’s motel room door and raised my hand to knock, but then I hesitated. Chewing on my lip, I took a step back. Maybe I should just forget it.

That night when Barry showed up it had been chaotic, violent and confusing on many levels. I was sure I had left a lasting impression, but not the kind I would have liked.

Neil probably thought I was a nut case. Having a public fight with my ex-husband wouldn’t help his opinion of me. I was sure he was just being valiant and polite when he offered to buy me a cup of coffee some time. I’m not sure that I would be so keen on seeing someone with so much obvious baggage.

I turned on my heel, deciding it was best to slink off into the night, when the room door opened. Framed in the doorway, Neil stood in only a pair of boxers and nothing else. I had a hard time taking my eyes off his sculpted chest.

His hair was disheveled from sleeping, and he rubbed one eye with the back of his hand.

“Darcy?”

Blushing, I forced a smile. “Hi!”

A puzzled look passed over his face before he returned the smile. “Uh, hi.”

“Did I wake you? I thought you said you never slept.” Inside, I was kicking myself for being so lame.

“I’m a light sleeper. It helps when you work nights. No, I love to sleep.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll let you get back—”

“Was there something you wanted?” he asked, forestalling my retreat.

“Well, I just got a call from one of my friends and she’s making me go out tonight, and I just thought…”

His half-smile turned into a grin. “I’d love to!”

“Really?” I asked.

“Sure! What time?”

“Beth’s going to pick me up in about an hour.”

Neil smiled. “Enough time for me to grab a shower. Hey, thanks for the invite!”

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me.” I could actually feel the heat rise on my cheeks. I felt like I was at my first junior high dance. “You’re actually doing me a favor.”

Neil cocked his head in question and I waved him off.

“Never mind,” I said with a smile. “It’s nothing. I’ll see you in an hour.”

Grinning like an idiot, I practically flounced back to the office.

* * *

After showering and applying my makeup, I barely had time to finish drying my hair before someone knocked on my door. Still dressed in my bathrobe, I raced breathlessly to answer it. I hoped it wasn’t Neil yet; and at the same time, I hoped it was him.

It was Beth. Behind her in the parking lot, John sat in their minivan and waved at me with a lunatic grin.

Beth’s smile transformed into a frown. “Why aren’t you dressed?”

“Uh…” I looked down at myself and threw my hands up in helplessness. “All my clothes are ten years out of fashion.”

“Not a problem.” She ushered me into the room. “Let’s see what we have to work with.”

I closed the door behind us, leaving John outside waiting

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