Better Dead - Sir James Matthew Barrie (i wanna iguana read aloud .TXT) 📗
- Author: Sir James Matthew Barrie
Book online «Better Dead - Sir James Matthew Barrie (i wanna iguana read aloud .TXT) 📗». Author Sir James Matthew Barrie
young men their chance, and they will marry younger than ever, if only to see their children grown up before they die.
"A word in conclusion. Looking around me, I cannot but see that most, if not all, of my hearers have passed what should plainly be the allotted span of life to man. You would have to go.
"But, gentlemen, you would do so feeling that you were setting a noble example. Younger, and--may I say?--more energetic men would fill your places and carry on your work. You would hardly be missed."
Andrew rolled up his thesis blandly, and strode into the next room to await the committee's decision. It cannot be said that he felt the slightest uneasiness.
The president followed, shutting the door behind him.
"You have just two minutes," he said.
Andrew could not understand it.
His hat was crushed on to his head, his coat flung at him; he was pushed out at a window, squeezed through a grating and tumbled into a passage.
"What is the matter?" he asked, as the president dragged him down a back street.
The president pointed to the window they had just left.
Half a dozen infuriated men were climbing from it in pursuit. Their faces, drunk with rage, awoke Andrew to a sense of his danger.
"They were drawing lots for you when I left the room," said the president.
"But what have I done?" gasped Andrew.
"They didn't like your thesis. At least, they make that their excuse."
"Excuse?"
"Yes; it was really your neck that did it."
By this time they were in a cab, rattling into Gray's Inn Road.
"They are a poor lot," said Andrew fiercely, "if they couldn't keep their heads over my neck."
"They are only human," retorted the president. "For Heaven's sake, pull up the collar of your coat."
His fingers were itching, but Andrew did not notice it.
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"To King's Cross. The midnight express leaves in twenty minutes. It is your last chance."
Andrew was in a daze. When the president had taken his ticket for Glasgow he was still groping.
The railway officials probably thought him on his honeymoon.
They sauntered along the platform beyond the lights.
Andrew, who was very hot, unloosened his greatcoat.
In a moment a great change came over his companion. All the humanity went from his face, his whole figure shook, and it was only by a tremendous effort that he chained his hands to his side.
"Your neck," he cried; "cover it up."
Andrew did not understand. He looked about him for the committee.
"There are none of them here," he said feebly.
The president had tried to warn him.
Now he gave way.
The devil that was in him leapt at Andrew's throat.
The young Scotchman was knocked into a goods waggon, with the president twisted round him.
At that moment there was heard the whistle of the Scotch express.
"Your blood be on your own head," cried the president, yielding completely to temptation.
His fingers met round the young man's neck.
"My God!" he murmured, in a delirious ecstasy, "what a neck, what a neck!"
Just then his foot slipped.
He fell. Andrew jumped up and kicked him as hard as he could three times.
Then he leapt to the platform, and, flinging himself into the moving train, fell exhausted on the seat.
Andrew never thought so much of the president again. You cannot respect a man and kick him.
CHAPTER X
The first thing Andrew did on reaching Wheens was to write to his London landlady to send on his box with clothes by goods train; also his tobacco pouch, which he had left on the mantelpiece, and two pencils which she would find in the tea-caddy.
Then he went around to the manse.
The minister had great news for him.
The master of the Wheens Grammar School had died. Andrew had only to send in his testimonials, and the post was his.
The salary was 200 pounds per annum, with an assistant and the privilege of calling himself rector.
This settled, Andrew asked for Clarrie. He was humbler now than he had been, and in our disappointments we turn to woman for solace.
Clarrie had been working socks for him, and would have had them finished by this time had she known how to turn the heel.
It is his sweetheart a man should be particular about. Once he settles down it does not much matter whom he marries.
All this and much more the good old minister pointed out to Andrew. Then he left Clarrie and her lover together.
The winsome girl held one of the socks on her knee--who will chide her?--and a tear glistened in her eye.
Andrew was a good deal affected.
"Clarrie," he said softly, "will you be my wife?"
She clung to him in reply. He kissed her fondly.
"Clarrie, beloved," he said nervously, after a long pause, "how much are seven and thirteen?"
"Twenty-three," said Clarrie, putting up her mouth to his.
Andrew laughed a sad vacant laugh.
He felt that he would never understand a woman. But his fingers wandered through her tobacco-coloured hair.
He had a strange notion.
"Put your arms round my neck," he whispered.
Thus the old, old story was told once more.
A month afterwards the president of the Society for Doing Without received by post a box of bride-cake, adorned with the silver gilt which is also largely used for coffins.
* * * * * *
More than two years have passed since Andrew's marriage, and already the minister has two sweet grandchildren, in whom he renews his youth.
Except during school-hours their parents' married life is one long honeymoon.
Clarrie has put Lord Randolph Churchill's shoe into a glass case on the piano, and, as is only natural, Andrew is now a staunch Conservative.
Domesticated and repentant, he has renounced the devil and all her works.
Sometimes, when thinking of the past, the babble of his lovely babies jars upon him, and, still half-dreaming, he brings their heads close together.
At such a time all the anxious mother has to say is:
"Andrew!"
Then with a start he lays them gently in a heap on the floor, and, striding the room, soon regains his composure.
For Andrew has told Clarrie all the indiscretions of his life in London, and she has forgiven everything.
Ah, what will not a wife forgive!
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"A word in conclusion. Looking around me, I cannot but see that most, if not all, of my hearers have passed what should plainly be the allotted span of life to man. You would have to go.
"But, gentlemen, you would do so feeling that you were setting a noble example. Younger, and--may I say?--more energetic men would fill your places and carry on your work. You would hardly be missed."
Andrew rolled up his thesis blandly, and strode into the next room to await the committee's decision. It cannot be said that he felt the slightest uneasiness.
The president followed, shutting the door behind him.
"You have just two minutes," he said.
Andrew could not understand it.
His hat was crushed on to his head, his coat flung at him; he was pushed out at a window, squeezed through a grating and tumbled into a passage.
"What is the matter?" he asked, as the president dragged him down a back street.
The president pointed to the window they had just left.
Half a dozen infuriated men were climbing from it in pursuit. Their faces, drunk with rage, awoke Andrew to a sense of his danger.
"They were drawing lots for you when I left the room," said the president.
"But what have I done?" gasped Andrew.
"They didn't like your thesis. At least, they make that their excuse."
"Excuse?"
"Yes; it was really your neck that did it."
By this time they were in a cab, rattling into Gray's Inn Road.
"They are a poor lot," said Andrew fiercely, "if they couldn't keep their heads over my neck."
"They are only human," retorted the president. "For Heaven's sake, pull up the collar of your coat."
His fingers were itching, but Andrew did not notice it.
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"To King's Cross. The midnight express leaves in twenty minutes. It is your last chance."
Andrew was in a daze. When the president had taken his ticket for Glasgow he was still groping.
The railway officials probably thought him on his honeymoon.
They sauntered along the platform beyond the lights.
Andrew, who was very hot, unloosened his greatcoat.
In a moment a great change came over his companion. All the humanity went from his face, his whole figure shook, and it was only by a tremendous effort that he chained his hands to his side.
"Your neck," he cried; "cover it up."
Andrew did not understand. He looked about him for the committee.
"There are none of them here," he said feebly.
The president had tried to warn him.
Now he gave way.
The devil that was in him leapt at Andrew's throat.
The young Scotchman was knocked into a goods waggon, with the president twisted round him.
At that moment there was heard the whistle of the Scotch express.
"Your blood be on your own head," cried the president, yielding completely to temptation.
His fingers met round the young man's neck.
"My God!" he murmured, in a delirious ecstasy, "what a neck, what a neck!"
Just then his foot slipped.
He fell. Andrew jumped up and kicked him as hard as he could three times.
Then he leapt to the platform, and, flinging himself into the moving train, fell exhausted on the seat.
Andrew never thought so much of the president again. You cannot respect a man and kick him.
CHAPTER X
The first thing Andrew did on reaching Wheens was to write to his London landlady to send on his box with clothes by goods train; also his tobacco pouch, which he had left on the mantelpiece, and two pencils which she would find in the tea-caddy.
Then he went around to the manse.
The minister had great news for him.
The master of the Wheens Grammar School had died. Andrew had only to send in his testimonials, and the post was his.
The salary was 200 pounds per annum, with an assistant and the privilege of calling himself rector.
This settled, Andrew asked for Clarrie. He was humbler now than he had been, and in our disappointments we turn to woman for solace.
Clarrie had been working socks for him, and would have had them finished by this time had she known how to turn the heel.
It is his sweetheart a man should be particular about. Once he settles down it does not much matter whom he marries.
All this and much more the good old minister pointed out to Andrew. Then he left Clarrie and her lover together.
The winsome girl held one of the socks on her knee--who will chide her?--and a tear glistened in her eye.
Andrew was a good deal affected.
"Clarrie," he said softly, "will you be my wife?"
She clung to him in reply. He kissed her fondly.
"Clarrie, beloved," he said nervously, after a long pause, "how much are seven and thirteen?"
"Twenty-three," said Clarrie, putting up her mouth to his.
Andrew laughed a sad vacant laugh.
He felt that he would never understand a woman. But his fingers wandered through her tobacco-coloured hair.
He had a strange notion.
"Put your arms round my neck," he whispered.
Thus the old, old story was told once more.
A month afterwards the president of the Society for Doing Without received by post a box of bride-cake, adorned with the silver gilt which is also largely used for coffins.
* * * * * *
More than two years have passed since Andrew's marriage, and already the minister has two sweet grandchildren, in whom he renews his youth.
Except during school-hours their parents' married life is one long honeymoon.
Clarrie has put Lord Randolph Churchill's shoe into a glass case on the piano, and, as is only natural, Andrew is now a staunch Conservative.
Domesticated and repentant, he has renounced the devil and all her works.
Sometimes, when thinking of the past, the babble of his lovely babies jars upon him, and, still half-dreaming, he brings their heads close together.
At such a time all the anxious mother has to say is:
"Andrew!"
Then with a start he lays them gently in a heap on the floor, and, striding the room, soon regains his composure.
For Andrew has told Clarrie all the indiscretions of his life in London, and she has forgiven everything.
Ah, what will not a wife forgive!
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Publication Date: 08-05-2010
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