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her bath she sighs in pleasure.
Herā€™s must be warm. I turned to look at her. ā€œI was thinking that maybe that Iā€™ll tell Kail at the festival. I mean about me being a girlā€¦I want him to know and I decided that if he hates me, nothing would change for me. And I was thinking of telling him everything. What do you think?ā€ I asked wringing my hands in the water and looking down. Then I looked at her.
She wore a smile, a small smile that said I-understand-what-you-mean. All she did was nodded.
So I took it as a yes and do it. I nodded to myself. Soon the baths were over and I did my wrap and dress in a night robe. I said good night to Momo on parting ways and I went to Kailā€™s room. I lay down and stared at the roof, wondering what Kail was doing.
Soon or later I rolled on to my side and closed my eyes. A few minute later I heard the rolling of the room door and the creak! Of the floor as it gave way to the weight of a man. I heard the rustle of clothes falling to the floor and then I felt the futon shift as he lay down behind me. He smoothed a hand down my hair and kissed my neck.
I turned in to his chest and sighed. I felt his arms tighten around me. I looked up at him and smiled.
ā€œHello,ā€ I said sleepily.
He was smiling down at me like a little kid who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar and smoothed the hair away that had fallen in my face.
ā€œHello,ā€ he said.
ā€œWhat have you been doing?ā€ I asked.
ā€œI was working on the plans for the festival in a few days. During the festival I am to bring the Emperor to an open building where he can watch it. It is one of his favorite festivals of the year. I was thinking that you could come and watch the festival with me. Do you want to?ā€ he asked.
I nodded.
We talked some more and then I fell asleep. But I heard him promise that he would spend more time with me once the festival was over.
The next few days passed fast and then came the day of the festival. I dressed Momo and she was so happy to be going with Sen. I dressed in my menā€™s kimono and tied my hair back with a cord of leather.
Momo left with early and I stayed back with Kail. His was working on a paper, when he was done I asked if he wanted help in dressing for the festival and he said no. I could tell he was embarrassed, but by what I was not sure.
Maybe he thought it would be the same as that time I gave him a bathā€¦
Thinking about it my face flush with color. When he was done dressing I walked over to him and gave him a hug. Today is the day I tell him about me.
ā€œCome the festival starts.ā€ I followed behind him holding onto a fold of his kimono. We rode to the Imperial Palace and my eyes widened when I as the Emperorā€™s company.
There had to be at least a hundred people. Kail rode beside the emperorā€™s carriage and I beside him.
Kail leaned over to me to whisper in my ear. ā€œBeware of people who sneak around today. There have been attempts on the emperorā€™s life lately so itā€™s my bet they would try today.ā€
I nodded.
It was close to starting time for the festival and the sun was already setting. We arrived at the place for the emperor and he was taken inside. As I dismounted I saw a man look at the emperor and ran around the corner of the building. I gave my horse to Kail told him I would be back and went after the man. I followed him to the back of the building and to an underground passage under the building. I waited to make sure I would be seen to go in the passage he did. I followed in the cold stone passage and came to a curve that led into a big stone chamber. I peeked through a crake in the small wooden door. The room was small and lit by three paper lanterns.
I heard voices of men.
ā€œToday will be the last day the emperor will live.ā€
ā€œYes, when the two of our men knock out the emperor and his adviser Kail weā€™ll light the building aflame and they will burn to death.ā€
ā€œLong Su Chang the men have told me that they locked the room the emperor is in.ā€
I listened to them and heard theyā€™re plans. It seemed that they needed him dead to start a new government.
And they were willing to do it at any cost.
I heard running coming into the chamber and a breathless voice say, ā€œThey are all out!
Start the fire!ā€
They were going to kill everyone else in this building! I have to save Kail!
I ran out of the passage way back to the back of the building. I found a way in through the back servantā€™s door. I warned everyone I saw and soon I smelled the smoke of the fire. Flames were set to the south side of the building.
Damn it! Where are they?!
I ran room to room and soon the fire was only a few feet away and smoke burned my eyes and my lungs. I went from room to room yelling his name in vain for he would not answer. Then I found the room. I broke the door down with a kick to the frame and saw that the emperor and Kail lying sprawled out on the floor.
I breathed in relief, but then the grinding and creaking of the wooden roof sounded in distress. I pulled one of them over each shoulder with a huff and started to find my way out. But the only way out was thought the way I came. The fire was everywhere I looked. It ate the wall and climbed over the floors, taunting me with its red eyes. As if to say it had me.
I started on my way carrying Kail and the other man on my back. I felt the fire lick my skin, in a caress of blistering pain. But I didnā€™t stop. I used my body to protect Kail and the emperor as much as possible from the fire. It licked at my skin and kissed my face, as if it were my lover.
It was getting harder to breath. Walls of fire wrapped around me, but never did I falter. I pressed on, for Kail and for the life we could have.
Then a beam crasher to the floor sending ashes and embers into my eyes. I cried out in pain, a broken sob of agony begging for mercy, but kept walking I did. My vision was fading, giving way to black and gray smudges and flashes of colors, but I heard the yells of people close in front of me, so I must have been close.
I looked through the flames of the final firewall before we crossed through it and I felt the bite of icy air on my skin. I went as far as I could before I collapsed and the last thing I saw was the black night sky and its shining stars.
I did itā€¦Kailā€¦


*~*~*~*~*


I slowly became aware of what was happening but my eyes were so heavy that I couldnā€™t open them. I heard people talking in a buzz but the one voice I focused on was the one closet to me.
ā€œHe seems be burned on most of his body. We need to remove his clothes and treat his wounds. The others can wait he has the worse!ā€ he voice was like steel but kind too.
I felt them tugging on my clothes. I wanted to stop them to yell no but I couldnā€™t. When he had removed my clothes I heard him say ā€œItā€™s a female!ā€ and after that I fell asleep again.
Like when I had first come here I drifted in and out of sleep. But I couldnā€™t remember what I saw or what I heard. All I knew was that I felt as if my skin had been peeled from my body and burned back in place. It felt worse than when the monks had beaten me. And I knew my vision was dark and clouded.
Then suddenly on night I had a dream of what happened again. The fire eating me burns me to ashes. It ripped me away from Kail and let me burned. And long after the fire had stopped I was left alone in pain, in the dark.
I had the dream time and time again till one time I woke from my sleep screaming and struggling. I heard voices say:
ā€œHe is possessed!ā€
ā€œHe needs help!ā€
ā€œBe careful so you donā€™t hurt him!ā€
ā€œBe quite youā€™ll wake the master, you-ā€
Then I heard the slamming of the room door and running feet. I looked around seeing nothing but dark shadows.
ā€œGet away fromā€¦him!ā€ I heard someone yell. It sounded familiar.
I felt myself let go of and then gently pulled against a chest I knew well. It was Kail. I stop moving and looked for his face but all I could see was a dark outline of his face. I searched his face not seeing anything. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and my body pulse in streaks of pain.
He ordered them to leave the room, and they left. One protested ā€œBut master Kail your wounds!ā€ but he ordered him to leave.
ā€œEverything is okay now. Donā€™t worry, youā€™re okay. Iā€™m sorry for scaring you. Shhhh. Donā€™t cry.ā€ he whispered in my ear.
ā€œKailā€¦ā€ I said, but it came out as noting but a broken whisper.
ā€œYes Iā€™m here,ā€ he whispered.
ā€œIt hurtsā€¦. it hurtsā€¦my bodyā€¦it hurtsā€¦ā€ I sobbed.
He gently rocked me back and forth. ā€œI know,ā€ he whispered, ā€œI know.ā€
ā€œAndā€¦I canā€™t seeā€¦your faceā€¦everything isā€¦darkā€¦I canā€™tā€¦seeā€¦ā€
ā€œEverything will be okay. Youā€™ll be all better soon.ā€
ā€œI canā€™tā€¦. see youā€¦are youā€¦okay? I did all I couldā€¦ā€ I whisper to him.
ā€œIā€™m fineā€¦you did well. Thank you for saving me,ā€ he whispered into my hair. ā€œListen Kailā€¦I donā€™t know if Iā€™ll liveā€¦longā€¦so pleaseā€¦listenā€¦I need to tell you
something,ā€ I whispered to him.
ā€œDonā€™t talk like that. Youā€™ll live a long life. You are fine.ā€
ā€œPlease Kailā€¦pleaseā€¦Iā€™m so sorry for lying to youā€¦I have to tell you about my pastā€¦about meā€¦ā€
ā€œNo. Weā€™ll talk when youā€™re better.ā€ I
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