The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (reading an ebook TXT) 📗
- Author: Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- Performer: 0140449248
Book online «The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (reading an ebook TXT) 📗». Author Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“Stay a moment…. Show me those notes again.”
Ivan took out the notes and showed them to him. Smerdyakov
looked at them for ten seconds.
“Well, you can go,” he said, with a wave of his hand. “Ivan
Fyodorovitch!” he called after him again.
“What do you want?” Ivan turned without stopping.
“Goodbye!”
“Till to-morrow!” Ivan cried again, and he walked out of the
cottage.
The snowstorm was still raging. He walked the first few steps
boldly, but suddenly began staggering. “It’s something physical,” he
thought with a grin. Something like joy was springing up in his heart.
He was conscious of unbounded resolution; he would make an end of
the wavering that had so tortured him of late. His determination was
taken, “and now it will not be changed,” he thought with relief. At
that moment he stumbled against something and almost fell down.
Stopping short, he made out at his feet the peasant he had knocked
down, still lying senseless and motionless. The snow had almost
covered his face. Ivan seized him and lifted him in his arms. Seeing a
light in the little house to the right he went up, knocked at the
shutters, and asked the man to whom the house belonged to help him
carry the peasant to the police station, promising him three
roubles. The man got ready and came out. I won’t describe in detail
how Ivan succeeded in his object, bringing the peasant to the
police-station and arranging for a doctor to see him at once,
providing with a liberal hand for the expenses. I will only say that
this business took a whole hour, but Ivan was well content with it.
His mind wandered and worked incessantly.
“If I had not taken my decision so firmly for to-morrow,” he
reflected with satisfaction, “I should not have stayed a whole hour to
look after the peasant, but should have passed by, without caring
about his being frozen. I am quite capable of watching myself, by
the way,” he thought at the same instant, with still greater
satisfaction, “although they have decided that I am going out of my
mind!”
Just as he reached his own house he stopped short, asking
himself suddenly hadn’t he better go at once to the prosecutor and
tell him everything. He decided the question by turning back to the
house. “Everything together to-morrow!” he whispered to himself,
and, strange to say, almost all his gladness and selfsatisfaction
passed in one instant.
As he entered his own room he felt something like a touch of ice
on his heart, like a recollection or, more exactly, a reminder, of
something agonising and revolting that was in that room now, at that
moment, and had been there before. He sank wearily on his sofa. The
old woman brought him a samovar; he made tea, but did not touch it. He
sat on the sofa and felt giddy. He felt that he was ill and
helpless. He was beginning to drop asleep, but got up uneasily and
walked across the room to shake off his drowsiness. At moments he
fancied he was delirious, but it was not illness that he thought of
most. Sitting down again, he began looking round, as though
searching for something. This happened several times. At last his eyes
were fastened intently on one point. Ivan smiled, but an angry flush
suffused his face. He sat a long time in his place, his head propped
on both arms, though he looked sideways at the same point, at the sofa
that stood against the opposite wall. There was evidently something,
some object, that irritated him there, worried him and tormented him.
The Devil. Ivan’s Nightmare
I AM NOT a doctor, but yet I feel that the moment has come when
I must inevitably give the reader some account of the nature of Ivan’s
illness. Anticipating events I can say at least one thing: he was at
that moment on the very eve of an attack of brain fever. Though his
health had long been affected, it had offered a stubborn resistance to
the fever which in the end gained complete mastery over it. Though I
know nothing of medicine, I venture to hazard the suggestion that he
really had perhaps, by a terrible effort of will, succeeded in
delaying the attack for a time, hoping, of course, to check it
completely. He knew that he was unwell, but he loathed the thought
of being ill at that fatal time, at the approaching crisis in his
life, when he needed to have all his wits about him, to say what he
had to say boldly and resolutely and “to justify himself to himself.”
He had, however, consulted the new doctor, who had been brought
from Moscow by a fantastic notion of Katerina Ivanovna’s to which I
have referred already. After listening to him and examining him the
doctor came to the conclusion that he was actually suffering from some
disorder of the brain, and was not at all surprised by an admission
which Ivan had reluctantly made him. “Hallucinations are quite
likely in your condition,” the doctor opined, ‘though it would be
better to verify them… you must take steps at once, without a
moment’s delay, or things will go badly with you.” But Ivan did not
follow this judicious advice and did not take to his bed to be nursed.
“I am walking about, so I am strong enough, if I drop, it’ll be
different then, anyone may nurse me who likes,” he decided, dismissing
the subject.
And so he was sitting almost conscious himself of his delirium
and, as I have said already, looking persistently at some object on
the sofa against the opposite wall. Someone appeared to be sitting
there, though goodness knows how he had come in, for he had not been
in the room when Ivan came into it, on his return from Smerdyakov.
This was a person or, more accurately speaking, a Russian gentleman of
a particular kind, no longer young, qui faisait la cinquantaine,* as
the French say, with rather long, still thick, dark hair, slightly
streaked with grey and a small pointed beard. He was wearing a
brownish reefer jacket, rather shabby, evidently made by a good tailor
though, and of a fashion at least three years old, that had been
discarded by smart and well-to-do people for the last two years. His
linen and his long scarf-like neck-tie were all such as are worn by
people who aim at being stylish, but on closer inspection his linen
was not overclean and his wide scarf was very threadbare. The
visitor’s check trousers were of excellent cut, but were too light
in colour and too tight for the present fashion. His soft fluffy white
hat was out of keeping with the season.
* Fiftyish.
In brief there was every appearance of gentility on straitened
means. It looked as though the gentleman belonged to that class of
idle landowners who used to flourish in the times of serfdom. He had
unmistakably been, at some time, in good and fashionable society,
had once had good connections, had possibly preserved them indeed,
but, after a gay youth, becoming gradually impoverished on the
abolition of serfdom, he had sunk into the position of a poor relation
of the best class, wandering from one good old friend to another and
received by them for his companionable and accommodating disposition
and as being, after all, a gentleman who could be asked to sit down
with anyone, though, of course, not in a place of honour. Such
gentlemen of accommodating temper and dependent position, who can tell
a story, take a hand at cards, and who have a distinct aversion for
any duties that may be forced upon them, are usually solitary
creatures, either bachelors or widowers. Sometimes they have children,
but if so, the children are always being brought up at a distance,
at some aunt’s, to whom these gentlemen never allude in good
society, seeming ashamed of the relationship. They gradually lose
sight of their children altogether, though at intervals they receive a
birthday or Christmas letter from them and sometimes even answer it.
The countenance of the unexpected visitor was not so much
good-natured, as accommodating and ready to assume any amiable
expression as occasion might arise. He had no watch, but he had a
tortoise-shell lorgnette on a black ribbon. On the middle finger of
his right hand was a massive gold ring with a cheap opal stone in it.
Ivan was angrily silent and would not begin the conversation.
The visitor waited and sat exactly like a poor relation who had come
down from his room to keep his host company at tea, and was discreetly
silent, seeing that his host was frowning and preoccupied. But he
was ready for any affable conversation as soon as his host should
begin it. All at once his face expressed a sudden solicitude.
“I say,” he began to Ivan, “excuse me, I only mention it to remind
you. You went to Smerdyakov’s to find out about Katerina Ivanovna, but
you came away without finding out anything about her, you probably
forgot-”
“Ah, yes.” broke from Ivan and his face grew gloomy with
uneasiness. “Yes, I’d forgotten… but it doesn’t matter now, never
mind, till to-morrow,” he muttered to himself, “and you,” he added,
addressing his visitor, “I should have remembered that myself in a
minute, for that was just what was tormenting me! Why do you
interfere, as if I should believe that you prompted me, and that I
didn’t remember it of myself?”
“Don’t believe it then,” said the gentleman, smiling amicably,
“what’s the good of believing against your will? Besides, proofs are
no help to believing, especially material proofs. Thomas believed, not
because he saw Christ risen, but because he wanted to believe,
before he saw. Look at the spiritualists, for instance…. I am very
fond of them… only fancy, they imagine that they are serving the
cause of religion, because the devils show them their horns from the
other world. That, they say, is a material proof, so to speak, of
the existence of another world. The other world and material proofs,
what next! And if you come to that, does proving there’s a devil prove
that there’s a God? I want to join an idealist society, I’ll lead
the opposition in it, I’ll say I am a realist, but not a
materialist, he he!”
“Listen,” Ivan suddenly got up from the table. “I seem to be
delirious… I am delirious, in fact, talk any nonsense you like, I
don’t care! You won’t drive me to fury, as you did last time. But I
feel somehow ashamed… I want to walk about the room…. I
sometimes don’t see you and don’t even hear your voice as I did last
time, but I always guess what you are prating, for it’s I, I myself
speaking, not you. Only I don’t know whether I was dreaming last
time or whether I really saw you. I’ll wet a towel and put it on my
head and perhaps you’ll vanish into air.”
Ivan went into the corner, took a towel, and did as he said, and
with a wet towel on his head began walking up and down the room.
“I am so glad you treat me so familiarly,” the visitor began.
“Fool,” laughed Ivan, “do you suppose I should stand on ceremony
with you? I am in good spirits now, though I’ve a pain in my
forehead… and in the top of my head… only please don’t talk
philosophy, as you did last time. If you can’t take yourself off, talk
of something amusing. Talk gossip, you are a poor relation, you
ought to talk
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