somewhere on my way - Anna N. Schnieden (epub e ink reader .TXT) 📗

4 houses in the area like the one I rented. We could not see each other because of trees and small plants. Actually, the houses belonged to our government,

 

 

built for the officers of environment conservation, but their small income was not enough… so some of the officers who had been given the house came up with plan B…rent them out!

 

I worked 3 days a week, I had a lot of time and my income was enough for living on, so I did some discovery for my abnormal curiosity, and it was necessary to start with how human's believe in and worship a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God, a peculiar system of faith. I knew that sounded pretty much…crazy! “But what the hell?” I thought it was a good idea to get to know… the…ordinary human beings! As I did not have mommy and daddy…teatome?…therefore I learnt from everyone who seemed more enlightened. I did not want to grow up dull-witted, and all the discovery ideas had something to do with an understanding of what was the bloody point…of being a human.

 

After 2 weeks of my arrival, I started looking for an English language school, I was warned that I had to be careful about my choices because I might have spoken to something that was not human communication! Got it. At the time, there were not many language schools, but there were a lot of unauthenticated schools. However, after 12 schools, I found number 13, which understood my Mr. Lunatic! It belonged to one of Australia’s universities!

 

Three months later, I could function in English better than I ever could, especially reading, it was something to do with Pink Floyd, or Led Zeppelin, or maybe Ozzy. Moonlight thought I liked Ozzy because I am as crazy as him! The same with books, I liked Stephen King because the words he was using had caused the irony.

Stephen King was an English teacher; his aptitude of amalgamating was quite sardonic exquisiteness. Some native English people who like his books told me that his works were…AKA “Stephen King’s English.”

 

I had been told that the speedy way to understand languages was having a native- language boyfriend or hanging out with native speakers or using Internet communication. Oh, having a farang boyfriend did not seem to be my option at the time; not many Thai people had the ability to understand me, how the hell could

 

 

someone who was native possibly understand! Besides, I always believed “Love will find the way,” so never mind the survey!

 

Hanging out with the natives seemed to be easier, as we had a lot of farang tourists between October through February. After that, no one wanted to die through submersion in an inhalation of his or her own sweat. I told Moonlight I should have gone to town and trapped one of the tourists, put him or her in my empty room downstairs, but I did not know which one spoke English. “You're a very fucking freak. Do you know?” Moonlight's suggestion? After the first 2 modus operandi no longer seemed reliable, I decided Internet communication was my last hope.

 

At the time, computers were limited options, with no cameras and no speakers.

We could send pictures and our personal profiles on some websites, such as MSN, Yahoo, and ICQ messengers, so people who were sitting behind their monitors on another side of the world could get to know us. I was thinking, “Thanks, Lucifer. Something is a lot easier than kidnapping the tourists.” However, this was how the Internet communication went,

 

“Hi, how’re you?” A native English.

 

 

“Oh…I’m fine. Thank you and you?” Me.

 

 

“Cool. What is your name?” The native English.

 

 

“My name is Aye. Are you cold??” Me.

 

 

“Jason here. Nice to meet you.” Jason.

 

 

“Nice to meet you too Jason. Where are you from?” Me.

 

 

“U.S.A. Do you like Americans?” Jason.

 

 

That was grueling to answer, how did I know? Hadn’t met once!

 

 

“Don’t really know. Do you?” Me.

 

 

“????. Do you want to see my cock?” Jason.

 

 

“COCK? What is it?” Me. (New English speaker, hello!)

 

 

A few minutes later, a low-standard penis was on my chat screen…

 

 

“That is not a cock, Jason. That is a sparrow!!!! *_*” Me.

 

 

 

I remember once after my English was… ready to be tested! Moonlight and I were on a beach and there were 2 young boy tourists lying on the sand near us. A young girl who was giving hmmm…beach massage, asked the tourist boys if they would like to have a massage. The conversation between the girl and the tourist boys was….

 

“What is your name?” Boy 1.

 

 

“Me.” The girl, with massage service.

 

 

“Yes…you, what is your name?” Boy 2.

 

 

“Me.” The girl, with massage service.

 

 

Before the 2 boys were going to say anything else,

 

 

“Her name is…. Me…hmmm hello.” Me. Moonlight was…chuckle!

 

 

“Oh…I see.” The boys

 

 

“It’s very hot today, don’t you think?” The boy 1, talking to me and…

 

 

“Do you want a Blow Job??” The girl, with massage service.

 

 

“Here….?” The boy 1, with an expression of an act of becoming….comedy.

 

 

“Ahmm…sir! She means Fanning, not Sucking!” Me. Moonlight was breaking an echo of the breach…and no one missed it.

 

Please forgive our…second-language-people!!!

 

 

I had to come up with some solutions because a second language was not something to do alone, so I made friends with my English teachers. I thought, well, they were native English and English teachers; my possibility of English failure would be…tiny? I started planning my conspiracy of “Friendship.”

 

First, I read something I knew in English and remembered all those vocabularies. Second, I invited my teachers for the original Thai traditional dinner, where they had to sit on my balcony floor with their own asses. And then, I tried to talk about something I just read, so I could carry on the conversation...it was a perfect plan! Later on, I did not need to invite them; they just made themselves at home, using my spare room for parties, drinking, and drugs! Mission accomplished!

 

Meet my neighbours: the house next to mine was another rental, Mr. Hemp. He was an English man from Manchester, England, and he had a hemp business in England. He told me that he hired his friend to run his shop when he was in Thailand and he was a weed lover. Next to Mr. Hemp was rented by a family who made hemp clothing for Mr. Hemp…mammy, daddy and 2 teenage boys…Oh, and Spider…a dog. The last house was an officer of the forest who loved singing under moonlight…clamorously.

 

My relationship with my neighbour was….let’s just say it went well. Every Friday, we all got together, including the 2 boys, for tea, dessert, and marijuana. Moonlight said to me, “You know, baby. Every time when we’re together, hell follows!”

 

I got along with all…my teachers and everyone in my English school, especially the manager of the school! He was an Australian man who loved my place…so much,

 

 

and as long as the parties went, our relationship was. illuminated! Mr. Clean was his

name; one afternoon, he asked me if I wanted to help out a group of people from NGOs.

 

 

NGOs are non-governmental organizations, or nongovernment organizations, commonly referred to as NGOs, they are usually non-profit and

sometimes international organizations independent of governments and international governmental organizations, although often funded by governments. NGOs are active in humanitarian, educational, healthcare, public policy, social, human rights, environmental, and other areas to effect changes according to their objectives.

 

Well, we did not do well with the government, so why not try nongovernment! So, Moonlight and I were some of the people who volunteered to work with the NGOs…more like babysit. We got 4 babies. Joshy: a drop-dead gorgeous surgical doctor from Europe. Doctor Cry: a cute physician from Australia. Mr. Lovely: a nurse from Europe. And Mr. Keep: a builder from Australia. Our job was making sure that they were not starving or dying or missing. Moonlight said I was the right one to introduce us…Hmm. Ok.

 

“Hello everyone, we’re your…babysitter, Aye. And this is Moonlight.” Me.

 

 

“Babysit? Why do we need a babysitter?” Joshy.

 

 

“Well. Mr. pretty face. Do you know where to go?” Me.

 

 

“Ah…” Joshy, with his eyes and mouth spread out in 360 degrees…cycling.

 

 

“Ah….What? Well, pretty head, our job is to make sure you won’t starve or die or go missing or whatever is harmful. So, do you know where your apartment is? No. Where to find food? No. Hospitals? No. Babysit it is…hopeless….I thought you’re supposed to be brainy. Is something wrong with your cerebellum? Doc?” Me.

 

“Ok…Ok, Aye, cut the crap. Sorry, Doc. She’s weird, but super nice. Get used to it.” Mr. Clean.

 

 

“You do know doctor terminologies huh. Is your boyfriend a doctor?” Joshy.

 

 

“Seriously, why do you think women's intelligence has to be under a cock?…Dollop! If you don't mind, please move your asses to that van, at the front gate.” Me.

 

Everyone looked…confused and that was my intention, I liked making them...woozy. I was pretty sure, those NGOs babies probably thought, “Malicious Bitch!” But, just about to reach the van, Joshy said,

 

“Hey, you know what? I like you already. I think we are going to be good friends.” Joshy.

 

“Doc! That is just too sorrow…” Me.

 

 

Two weeks later, the NGOs started working; their project was to help people on the border between Thailand and Myanmar. We call them mountain people…I am not sure why they do not have a country to call on. The Burmese do not want them and every time when the mountain people tried to grow some crops, the Burmese practiced their weapons on them. So, our government let them stay in the mountains where it belongs to us, but the government would not let them have Thai identification because they are not Thai-born.

 

It was not a good time at the border; we seemed to have a lot of problems. We also make camps for Cambodians because of the Cambodian-Vietnamese War from 1979 to 1991. Between 1992 and 1993, Cambodia was governed by a United Nations mission. The UN withdrew after holding elections in which around 90 percent of the registered voters cast ballots. The 1997 coup placed power solely in the hands of Prime Minister Hun Sen and the Cambodian People’s Party, who remain in power as of 2017. From then until now, many people from Cambodia moved to the camps and they still need help.

 

Sometime Moonlight and I went with the NGOs….yes to the mountains, I knew how to build shit and she knew how to speak in 5 freaking languages. So I made friends

 

 

with the NGOs and yes, they loved my place… I think it was something to do with the python!

 

My most regular visitor was Joshy; he was from Europe where a city is full of histories, arts, music, tits, and asses. He had just finished his surgical practice and wanted to use his chopping skill for good. He told me he did not know about Southeast Asia or many places. Moreover, after he met me he was gone crazy for 12 years…of his life, helping people all over places! He told me that after he talked to me one evening, he decided that he was going to eat shit and sleep with bugs. I thought, “Oh Lucifer, what have I done.”

 

“You know Doc, hang out with me and you’re going to be nutsssss!” Me.

 

 

“I know. I like it.” Joshy.

 

 

“Doc! Did you have a psych eval before you became a… doctor?” Me.

 

 

“Ha ha ha ha. Right, how did you end up on this mountain, where is your family?” Joshy.

 

“Really, Joshy. Are you sure? You want to do this…crap... Can we just talk lives in general? Or, something I don’t know?” Me.

 

Moonlight was there, but she did only laughing!

 

 

“Hey, you’re right. Sorry. So, no boyfriends?” Joshy.

 

 

“Ah…huh! Joshy…Joshy, if you’re here for my hole, it would end up badly. Just so you know, my fiancée moved in with Jesus 2 years ago. You might have to do the same if you’re here for my…kitty?” Me.

 

“Ha ha. Sorry to hear that. Moonlight, why don’t you say something?” Joshy.

 

 

“Oh. She’s practicing her English. And I don’t think your dick fits in my hole. Sorry, Doc.” Moonlight.

 

“Hey Joshy, don’t be