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I would gladly be her slave just to have another well-earned taste of the delicacy. We had the whole day for ourselves… for anything that pleases us.

I may forget all I have learned over the course of my life, but not what she did for me this day... not what she did.

September 20th


The reason lives uncertain, but my heart knows this day is very “special”. Note to self: investigate “matters” concerning this day.

September 28th


GOD, HER LIPS ARE HEAVENLY! But her sweet hugs were only flinches away from breaking my bones.
I thrive addicted to her.

November 11th


Christmas is nearing fast. Prices of meat and spices are certain to become revolting. With our land smothered in snow, animal flesh shall again be in demand. And also booze.

Pauline, stay warm.

December 2nd


Pau and I agreed to spend the 25th at their humble abode. With knowledge of the chance to meet her parents, also comes the feeling of tremendous tension. Despite that, I am eager to meet them.

I am engulfed by anxiousness but forced to wait. As the poet Jeduel says... “Let us see what happens next.” So to relieve myself of this eagerness, I’m relentlessly puffing out white smoke from my mouth. I look like a dying dragon huffing to its final breath.

Bloody hell. This evening is shivering cold. This rum might end me well before I feel its warmth.


December 18th


Though it saddens me to no end, I confess, I again have sinned.

It rooted from a tavern early this afternoon. I was alone. Then, my ears enjoyed fair dose of laughter. In need of a good chuckle, the sound led me to eavesdrop at another table—at them. But they laughed at no joke. The source of their merriment, disturbingly, was a plot to stain Pauline’s chastity.

I cannot let that pass by.

Hence, I formally came at them to protest. They found my approach “unpleasant”. With one skinny pacifist against four buffed men, it was a one-sided protest. Outnumbered I was. They threw me out like a sack of hay. Then fists and heels lodged at me as I groveled and begged for mercy. One of them took out a knife covered with rust. Fear had stricken my soul.

They stood in triumph as I defenselessly curled in agony on the soil. I only had one prayer in mind: May there be no light to cast their shadows.

But, alas, what a grave misfortune befell those vile men. The winds blew shoving away the clouds that hindered the gallant sun. Their shadows crawled towards me. From the soles of their shoes, elongating black stains on the ground offered themselves to a shadow burner—to me.
I succumbed to what needed be done.
I relinquished my vow.
My body wailed in torment.
With trembling hands, I reached for their shadows.

I have learned that when a person’s shadow is set ablaze, they are deprived of movement. Two of my victims could only scream so hard like little girls as they saw the flesh beneath their skin. Seeing two of their comrades vanish before their eyes, the other two ran to I-know-not-where. I was much too battered to pursue them. I barely had the strength to crawl home.

Though I ended up like a crumpled sheet of paper, still, I was happy. Just a while ago, Pauline tended to my heavily battered body. Speaking of “tend”, her hands were unfathomably tender—how cute. That woman’s touch had always made me so ecstatic. She was a dream come true. That was the first time I saw someone, other than my family, worry so much for my sake.

This may be a selfish wish but... I want her to stay by my side for as long as I live.
Much as I wish to deny it... I think I love her.

December 22nd


I feel better now. However, still unable to stand.

After the countless brawls made by our lips, the sorcery of her kiss has again healed my wounds and bruises. Her clothes rustled against my own as her body pressed me down to where I rested. I trapped her with my arms and slowly grasped her nape… and the rest are best seen with closed eyes. As an unmarried pair that had freshly transcended the stage of childhood, we were certainly aware of our “limits”.

Those reoccurring scenes replenished my youth.


December 23, 1794


Never before have I been this frightened my entire life. Two of the four men who beat me half to death sought vengeance for their perished allies. Memories… remained?

If burning the shadow erases the existence... then should all memories pertaining to the “owner” be purged as well? This notion of mine is becoming inconsistent. I want to know the TRUTH.

WHY AND HOW IN BLOODY HELL’S NAME CAN I BURN SHADOWS?

If misfortune embraces me tonight, it shall only serve as proof that society, the embodiment of darkness, irrationally declares judgment upon UNPROVEN and VAGUE matters. Trash.

Pauline, I neglected to write your last name in these pages so as not to have you involved. Worry not... you have a fairly common name.

Pauline, I love you…ever since long before, I have already loved you. But my fear of rejection was far greater than my courage to confess. And for that, I am burdened with remorse.

These past few days, I have noticed that people were becoming “wary” of me. I should have known earlier. THOSE SCOUNDRELS WENT STRAIGHT TO THE CHURCH. Those monkeys probably thought: “That man is a thief of souls! God is the light! He takes advantage of the shadows—God’s absence... He is the devil’s hand!” or similar nonsense.

I hear whisperings. Just now, I peeked out my window. There ARE eyes in hiding—concealed in darkness… waiting. They appear to have weapons like rakes, daggers, adzes, and shovels. Roughly about seven to eight people are just beyond the walls of this room. I hear their malicious footsteps. I am reluctant to move lest I would alert them. But I am no idiot to be oblivious. Since I am now considered as an enemy of the church, it would not surprise me if a mob suddenly rammed my door and barged into my house becau

Word count (2976)


Imprint

Editing: Alsam2
Publication Date: 07-16-2012

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
to Pauline. oi. haha Hi Pau!

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