somewhere on my way - Anna N. Schnieden (epub e ink reader .TXT) 📗

the Northwest Territories and

 

 

Nunavut are included. It is home to the nation’s capital city, Ottawa, and the nation’s most populous city, Toronto. In the area I stayed were farms; it is not far from Point Pelee, which is a peninsula of Lake Erie in southwestern Ontario

near Windsor and Detroit, Michigan, the southernmost extent of Canada's mainland. Pelee Island and Middle Island in Lake Erie extend slightly farther.

 

Canada’s 4 seasons make it a most beautiful place for photography if you can stay all year, waiting for the seasons to…move all the way around…It was awesome! I was staying with a Canadian friend who was friendly and easygoing personalities…did I mention…doll’s head? I did not think I would stay long, but the Canadian government was so kind as to give me a Canadian passport.

 

First I was being a bloody doll’s head to…not really interesting, oh please, don't get me wrong; I did not think it was so cool to be a Canadian. As long as the Canadian government did not kick me out, I just stayed, studying and doing some artwork…all that I wanted. However, my Canadian friend said, “Please don't look…like so stupid.” That kicked me to think…cool, health-care, fresh air, and weed was organic…Awesome…

 

I did not know or do some…Friendy time because it seemed like people I had been introduced to were???…It was something to do with…hmm…brain…damage. Starting 2 months after my arrival, a few Canadians I had encountered during my stay, made announcements publicly like “I don't like her! I don't know why. I can't help it!” Or “I don't like everyone who is not Canadian”…oh, or made passionate dislike for “Not welcome to the party!” yet, they invited me! I was invisible or when I was visible the insulted eyeballs were working so hard to let me know that WE WILL BE WATCHING YOU! I had to admit, even Mr. Lunatic and Ms. Conscience were unable to comprehend the situation. I was wondering before my North American trip, why we have so many Nuclear Weapons, the total now is believed to be 16,300, but after all…the parties, it is understandable to have that many bombs!

 

Another group was some kind of friendly for a price, like they knocked on my door at 9:30 pm for money problems or for…hmm…sex purposes, when I knew his wife. I did not open my door though because it was 2 ways of getting killed, either he

 

 

killed me or his wife killed me and…him?…Nay…I am fine thanks!!! The relationships were quite expensive and dramatic…friendships, I was thinking, maybe I should have looked up an escort phone number, cheaper and with…happy ending?

 

“To make one love another is a rare anticipation, but to make one hate another is like a drop of water, carry on as far as it runs.” Mr. Wise.

 

That was a real-life wise man, who I met after I left Canada. He has the same psychological profile as mine, but not exactly. He told me I was not to blame, however I needed to understand that everyone was not crazy like me and…we should have had more crazy…! I was thinking, “Oh Lucifer, finally, I meet someone crazy more than me.”

 

“Der unterchied zwischen vergangenheit gegenwart und zukunft ist nur eine illusion wenn auch einehartnackig; the difference between the past and present is an only illusion, albeit a stubborn one.” (Albert Einstein). Mr. Wise’s speech.

 

I was feeling wobbly in my brain…a bit, never talked to anyone that exceptionally intellectual before. Therefore, I was… perceiving the same…shits and the difference…crazy and how the same shit’s mind works. He told me I should have felt sorry for those Canadians because the experiences of good friends and care that I had been given from people who search for goodness during my up and down country to country travels will never be given to them!! Ahuh, I get it!

 

Mr. Wise was right, they did not just…hmmm…shit on my doorstep, but they also shitted on their own people and surprisingly on their loved ones! Moreover, words are meaningless, only whose is the better lie. Mr. Wise wanted me to look…closely, so I did and I was able to reach the understanding, but I am curious. Why?

 

Canada is a beautiful country, good benefits and very clean, I always had phone calls when water was not safe for drinking or cooking…if it was in my country, no one would have picked up the phone because we were probably dead before somebody called us! Moreover, Canada has a system called Welfare, it is the social safety net of

 

 

last resort in Canada. It provides money to meet the basic needs of individuals and families who have exhausted all other means of financial support.

I had been taught by a Canadian woman who knocked on my door at 9:30 pm for

a money problem; I did not need to work and all I had to do was pretend to be crazy! (I don’t need to pretend to be crazy. I already am…Crazy!) I was thinking, wow…cool….but Mr. Lunatic reminded me about General Sweet and how I bought his 5 stars off of his shoulders…very cheap, the loser in an honourable uniform!! Maybe, Welfare was not such a good...“I Fucking Dea!!” I am already a fucking bitchy, don’t really want to add more middle names. Besides, the Canadian government had been so kind with a passport, medical care, and opportunity for my second master’s, let’s not betray them, shall we?

 

All the wonderful things in Canada, I do not see any reason why people I had met being such a bitch….y.

Still, I did not have much luck seeing…any hmm…real Americans and…real

Canadians? Am I correct about the “Real”? (Feeling like I am talking about a…Whale Watching Trip ) Alright, only a few of the real, like a Canadian girly friend, the immigrant lady officer, she was very kind, and a professor of a university along with his family (the professor also gave me primitive Canadians historical second edition book). After I met the professor and his family, I was sure the real Canadian ones are probably…cool people!!

After I got back to Chiang Mai from North America, I met a 19-year-old

American boy at a police station; I was visiting my police friend who wanted to build a resort. From my point of view, it seemed like a police officer could not understand the American boy, so I asked him what was the problem! It was some bad Thai people, they cut his backpack, stole his wallet, and he lost his passport too…oh. I told him that the police could not help him; I drove him to the American embassy and gave him 2000 baht. I told him if he still had problems, call me. About 5 days later he called me, letting me know that his mammy sent him money and he wanted to give me back my money. OH…I told him it was ok just got home safe. I thought, “Shit…why did I have to go so far to see…not real Americans, the real one was just right on my steps. He was only 19,

 

 

but he knows how to represent himself and his country, not many people would give back your money, trust me…especially the ones I met in Canada or America!!

My last stop of this chapter is who missed out on representing themselves and

their country with careless actions. You may cause something like: once, I wanted to pick up a young American couple to take them back to Bangkok to catch their flight home. They were stuck on a beach near Bangkok because someone who was supposed to pick them up had not shown up. But, my European ex pulled me away…felt like dragging, just because they were Americans!

It should not have happened like that! That was another reason I dumped

him…my arm was hurt! I do not know what happened to the young couple, but that incident made me feel like I was living on the wrong planet. European, American, Canadian, Asian, African, and Middle Eastern all poop, shit, piss, eat, breathe, sleep, and fuck the same, don’t we? Why bother having borders!

 

If one can be just like the 19-year-old American boy or the Canadian professor and his family, maybe, just maybe, we would have less slaughter, murderers, suicide bombs, and wars. And maybe, that young Americans couple could have caught their flight back home safely that day. And my arm would not have been hurt…

Mr. Moody Be Good is concerned about Nuclear Weapons; I told him if we have

World War III, get drunk, fuck a girl, and do not busy him-self finding a hole to hide in. Obviously, 16,300 giant bombs, each one contain death smoking 18km above the bomb’s hypocenter and releasing the dead energy, approximately 1.2 million tons. So I don’t think we can hide. Maybe just listen to “Mr. John Lennon” (Imagine) more often. It might help!

 

 

Believers, Religions, Belief, and Faith

 

 

Demons, gods, devils, angels, heaven, and hell are a question; do they exist or are they just fabrications, appropriate radically different beliefs by using systematic and forcible pressure? On my way up and down the…earth, I have not met anyone who can appraise them accurately.

 

Since my brain started growing, those were my personal curiosities as well; however, I had to become an adult when I was 10 and I did not have time to think about it. I know it sounds funny, as I literally grew up with Catholicism and also my so-called family was Catholic. Obviously, I should have been one of them since I was a child.

Unfortunately, my 10-year-old self came along with PTSD. All those professional brainwashers could not clean my brain, therefore I was speculating on the god in my own…way. Furthermore, the nuns at the boarding school were too busy with Chinese ghosts in dramatic television shows. Moonlight had decided when she was 8 years old that the god did not exist.

 

“Don't be stupid. It's just a word they like to say. How is he possibly real? We're living in the god house, for GOD’s sake. And clearly, they had been paid for us to be here. Do we have lunch yet?” Moonlight, 8-year-old version.

 

I agreed with her, but I was not smart like her, I did not actually understand at the time and on the methodology of my growing up, I did not have time for the god at all. Every day of keeping my ass and myself alive was…something worthless to think about, but I did tell myself that when I finished school I was going to nail this anomalous question.

 

My plan was to go to religious houses to see which one was close to being exceptionally ratiocinative of the meaning of the creator and ruler of the universe, and source of all moral authority, controlling power. Moreover, The word “God” not only means religions or spiritual, but also means adored, admired, and indicates goodness.

 

 

I know I am an incredulous believer; well, do you think before we believe in something extensively, we should be able to understand what are we worshiping, and which religion is actually the god’s will? Moonlight always laughed at me because it was wasting away, looking for something irrational foolish. One good day, Moonlight and Mr. Moody Be Good were discussing about religions and the god. I let Mr. Moody Be Good and Moonlight discuss because Mr. Moody Be Good wanted me to become a believer; on the other side, Moonlight did not want me to be an obsessive-compulsive church…temple…disorder.

 

“Tell me, Mr. Moody, if he's so powerful, why we’re here? Why do we exist? Clearly, Aye and I, and many babies that are about to be born like…now are mistaken.

Therefore, I stuck with this (finger points at me) bloody lunatic, stubborn bitch since I was 7. And positively, I'd not have been me or worse…be dead if I don't have this….bitch!” Moonlight.

 

“Maybe, he’s busy making new babies. Do you know how many people around the world are fucking right now?” Mr. Moody Be Good.

 

“Good point, Mr. Moody.” Me.

 

 

“Shit head talking! If he’s so