The Adventures of Roderick Random by T. Smollett (best ebook reader for chromebook .TXT) 📗
- Author: T. Smollett
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In the meantime, my industry and knowledge gained me the goodwill of my master, who would often say in French, “Mardy! c’est un bon garçon.” He had a great deal of business; but he was mostly employed among his fellow refugees, his profits were small. However, his expense for medicines was not great; for he was the most expert man at a succedaneum of any apothecary in London, so that I have been sometimes amazed to see him, without the least hesitation, make up a physician’s prescription, though he had not in his shop one medicine mentioned in it. Oyster-shells he could convert into crab’s eyes; common oil into oil of sweet almonds; syrup of sugar into balsamic syrup; Thames water into aqua cinnamoni; and a hundred more costly preparations were produced in an instant, from the cheapest and coarsest drugs of the materia medica: and when any common thing was ordered for a patient, he always took care to disguise it in colour or taste, or both, in such a manner that it could not possibly be known; for which purpose cochineal and oil of cloves were of great service. Mr. Lavement had attempted more than once to introduce a vegetable diet into his family, by launching out into the praise of roots and greens, and decrying the use of flesh, both as a physician and philosopher; but all his rhetoric could not make one proselyte to his opinion, and even the wife of his bosom declared against the proposal.
One afternoon, when her husband was abroad, and his daughter gone to visit, this lady ordered me to call a hackney-coach, in which she and the captain drove towards Covent Garden. Miss came home in the evening, and, supping at her usual hour, went to bed. About eleven o’clock my master entered, and asked if his wife was gone to sleep: upon which I told him, my mistress went out in the afternoon, and was not yet returned. This was like a clap of thunder to the poor apothecary, who starting back, cried, “Mort de ma vie! vat you tell a me? My vife not at home!” At that instant a patient’s servant arrived with a prescription for a draught, which my master taking, went into the shop to make it up with his own hand. While he rubbed the ingredients in a glass mortar, he inquired of me, whether or no his wife went out alone; and no sooner heard that she was in company with the captain, than with one blow he split the mortar into a thousand pieces, and grinning like the head of a bass viol, exclaimed, “Ah, traitresse!” It would have been impossible for me to have preserved my gravity a minute longer, when I was happily relieved by a rap at the door, which I opened, and perceived my mistress coming out of the coach. She flounced immediately into the shop, and addressed her husband thus: “I suppose you thought I was lost, my dear. Captain O’Donnell has been so good as to treat me with a play.” The reply, it may be supposed, was anything but courteous but the captain, who had been all the time at the door discharging the coach, entered, and Mr. Lavement, changing his tone, saluted him with all the usual politesse of a Frenchman.
Shortly after this event, by the knowledge which I acquired of the family secrets, my life became much more agreeable; and as I every day improved in my knowledge of the town I shook off my awkward air by degrees, and acquired the character of a polite journeyman apothecary.
I am assaulted and dangerously wounded—suspect O’Donnell, and am confirmed in my opinion—concert a scheme of revenge, and put it into execution—O’Donnell robs his own servant and disappears—make my addresses to a lady, and am miraculously delivered from her snare
One night, at about twelve o’clock, as I returned from visiting a patient at Chelsea, I received a blow on my head from an unseen hand, that stretched me senseless on the ground; and was left for dead with three stabs of a sword in my body. The groans I uttered when I recovered the use of my reason alarmed the people of a solitary alehouse that stood near the spot where I lay: and they were humane enough to take me in, and send for a surgeon, who dressed my wounds, and assured me they were not mortal. One of them penetrated through the skin and muscles of one side of my belly in such a manner, that doubtless the assassin imagined he had run me through the entrails. The second slanted along one of my ribs; and the last, which was intended for the finishing stroke, having been directed to my heart, the sword snapped upon my breast-bone, and the point remained sticking in the skin. When I reflected upon this event, I could not persuade myself that I had been assaulted by a common footpad, because it is not usual for such people to murder though they rob, especially when they meet with no resistance; and I found my money, and everything else about me but my carcase, safe. I concluded, therefore, that I must either have been mistaken for another, or obliged to the private resentment of some secret enemy for what had happened; and as I could remember nobody who had the least cause of complaint against me, except Captain O’Donnell and my master’s daughter, my suspicion settled upon them, though I took care to conceal it, that I might the sooner arrive at confirmation.
With this view, I went home in the chair about ten o’clock in the morning; and as the chairman supported me into the house, met the captain in the passage, who no sooner saw me than he started back and gave evident signs of guilty confusion, which he would have accounted for from surprise occasioned by the seeing me in such a condition. My master having heard my story, condoled me with a good deal of sympathy, and when he understood my wounds were not dangerous, ordered me to be carried upstairs to bed; though not without some opposition from his wife, who was of opinion that it would be better for me to go to an hospital, where I should be more carefully attended. My meditation was employed in concerting with myself some method of revenge against Squire O’Donnell and his inamorata, whom I looked upon as the author of my misfortune; when miss, who was not at home at my arrival, entered my chamber, and saying she was sorry for the accident that had befallen me, asked if I suspected anybody to be the assassin; upon which I fixed my eyes steadfastly upon her and answered, “Yes.” She discovered no symptom of confusion, but replied hastily, “If that be the case, why don’t you take out a warrant, to have him apprehended? It will cost but a trifle—if you have no money, I’ll lend you.” This frankness not only cured me of my suspicion with respect to her, but even staggered my belief with regard to the captain, of whose guilt I resolved to have further proof before I should enterprise anything in the way of revenge. I thanked her kindly for her generous offer, which, however, I had no occasion to accept, being determined to do nothing rashly: for though I could plainly perceive the person who attacked me to be a soldier, whose face I thought was familiar to me, I could not swear with a safe conscience to any particular man; and, granting I could, my prosecution of him would not much avail.
This uncertainty I pretended, lest the captain, hearing from her that I knew the person who wounded me, might think proper to withdraw before I could be in a condition to requite him. In two days I was up and able to do a little business, so that Mr. Lavement made shift to carry on his practice without hiring another journeyman in my room.
The first thing I attempted towards a certain discovery of my secret enemy, was to get into O’Donnell’s apartment, while he was abroad in an undress, and examine his sword, the point of which being broken off, I applied the fragment that was found sticking in my body, and found it answered the fractured part exactly. There was no room left for doubt; and all that remained was to fix upon a scheme of revenge, which almost solely engrossed my thoughts during the space of eight nights and days. Sometimes I was tempted to fall upon him in the same manner as he had practised upon me, and kill him outright. But this assault my honour opposed as a piece of barbarous cowardice, in which he was not to be imitated. At other times I entertained thoughts of demanding satisfaction in an honourable way; but was diverted from this undertaking by considering the uncertainty of the event, and the nature of the injury he had done me, which did not entitle him to such easy terms. At last I determined to pursue a middle course, and actually put my design in execution after this manner. Having secured the assistance of Strap and two of his acquaintance whom he could depend upon, we provided ourselves with disguises, and I caused the following letter to be delivered to him by one of our associates in livery, one Sunday evening:—
“Sir—If I may be allowed to judge from appearance, it will not be disagreeable for you to hear that my husband is gone to Bagshot to visit a patient, and will not return till to-morrow night; so that, if you have anything to propose to me (as your behaviour on many occasions has seemed to insinuate), you will do well to embrace the present opportunity of seeing,
Yours, etc.”
This letter was signed with the name of an apothecary’s wife who lived in Chelsea, of whom I had heard O’Donnell was an admirer. Everything succeeded to our wish. The hero hastened towards the place of appointment, and was encountered by us in the very place where he had assaulted me. We rushed upon him all at once, secured his sword, stripped off his clothes even to the skin, which was scourged with nettles till he was blistered from head to foot, notwithstanding all the eloquence of his tears and supplications. When I was satisfied with the stripes I had bestowed, we carried off his clothes, which we hid in a hedge near the place, and left him stark naked to find his way home in the best manner he could, while I took care to be there before him. I afterwards understood that, in his way to the lodgings of a friend, who lived in the skirts of the town, he was picked up by the watch, who carried him
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