Aaron's Rod - D. H. Lawrence (poetry books to read .TXT) š
- Author: D. H. Lawrence
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And so, by light transitions, to the Prince of Wales at the front, and thus into the trenches. And then Herbertson was on the subject he was obsessed by. He had come, unconsciously, for this and this only, to talk war to Lilly: or at Lilly. For the latter listened and watched, and said nothing. As a man at night helplessly takes a taxi to find some woman, some prostitute, Herbertson had almost unthinkingly got into a taxi and come battering at the door in Covent Garden, only to talk war to Lilly, whom he knew very little. But it was a driving instinctāto come and get it off his chest.
And on and on he talked, over his wine and soda. He was not conceited āhe was not showing offāfar from it. It was the same thing here in this officer as it was with the privates, and the same with this Englishman as with a Frenchman or a German or an Italian. Lilly had sat in a cowshed listening to a youth in the north country: he had sat on the corn-straw that the oxen had been treading out, in Calabria, under the moon: he had sat in a farm-kitchen with a German prisoner: and every time it was the same thing, the same hot, blind, anguished voice of a man who has seen too much, experienced too much, and doesnāt know where to turn. None of the glamour of returned heroes, none of the romance of war: only a hot, blind, mesmerised voice, going on and on, mesmerised by a vision that the soul cannot bear.
In this officer, of course, there was a lightness and an appearance of bright diffidence and humour. But underneath it all was the same as in the common men of all the combatant nations: the hot, seared burn of unbearable experience, which did not heal nor cool, and whose irritation was not to be relieved. The experience gradually cooled on top: but only with a surface crust. The soul did not heal, did not recover.
āI used to be awfully frightened,ā laughed Herbertson. āNow you say, Lilly, youād never have stood it. But you would. Youāre nervousāand it was just the nervous ones that did stand it. When nearly all our officers were gone, we had a man come outāa man called Margeritson, from Indiaābig merchant people out there. They all said he was no goodānot a bit of goodānervous chap. No good at all. But when you had to get out of the trench and go for the Germans he was perfectā perfectāIt all came to him then, at the crisis, and he was perfect.
āSome things frighten one man, and some another. Now shells would never frighten me. But I couldnāt stand bombs. You could tell the difference between our machines and the Germans. Ours was a steady noiseādrrrrrrrr!ābut theirās was heavy, drrrrRURUrrrrRURU!ā My word, that got on my nerves. . . .
āNo I was never hit. The nearest thing was when I was knocked down by an exploding shellāseveral times thatāyou know. When you shout like mad for the men to come and dig you out, under all the earth. And my word, you do feel frightened then.ā Herbertson laughed with a twinkling motion to Lilly. But between his brows there was a tension like madness.
āAnd a funny thing you knowāhow you donāt notice things. Inālet me seeā1916, the German guns were a lot better than ours. Ours were old, and when theyāre old you canāt tell where theyāll hit: whether theyāll go beyond the mark, or whether theyāll fall short. Well, this day our guns were firing short, and killing our own men. Weād had the order to charge, and were running forward, and I suddenly felt hot water spurting on my neckāā He put his hand to the back of his neck and glanced round apprehensively. āIt was a chap called InnesāOh, an awfully decent sortāpeople were in the Argentine. Heād been calling out to me as we were running, and I was just answering. When I felt this hot water on my neck and saw him running past me with no headā heād got no head, and he went running past me. I donāt know how far, but a long way. . . . Blood, you knowāYesāwellā
āOh, I hated ChelseaāI loathed ChelseaāChelsea was purgatory to me. I had a corporal called Wallaceāhe was a fine chapāoh, he was a fine chapāsix foot twoāand about twenty-four years old. He was my stand- back. Oh, I hated Chelsea, and parades, and drills. You know, when itās drill, and youāre giving orders, you forget what order youāve just givenāin front of the Palace there the crowd donāt noticeābut itās AWFUL for you. And you know you darenāt look round to see what the men are doing. But Wallace was splendid. He was just behind me, and Iād hear him, quite quiet you know, āItās right wheel, sir.ā Always perfect, always perfectāyesāwell. . . .
āYou know you donāt get killed if you donāt think you will. Now I never thought I should get killed. And I never knew a man get killed if he hadnāt been thinking he would. I said to Wallace Iād rather be out here, at the front, than at Chelsea. I hated ChelseaāI canāt tell you how much. āOh no, sir!ā he said. āIād rather be at Chelsea than here. Iād rather be at Chelsea. There isnāt hell like this at Chelsea.ā Weād had orders that we were to go back to the real camp the next day. āNever mind, Wallace,ā I said. āWe shall be out of this hell-on-earth tomorrow.ā And he took my hand. We werenāt much for showing feeling or anything in the guards. But he took my hand. And we climbed out to chargeāPoor fellow, he was killedāā Herbertson dropped his head, and for some moments seemed to go unconscious, as if struck. Then he lifted his face, and went on in the same animated chatty fashion: āYou see, he had a presentiment. Iām sure he had a presentiment. None of the men got killed unless they had a presentimentālike that, you know. . . .ā
Herbertson nodded keenly at Lilly, with his sharp, twinkling, yet obsessed eyes. Lilly wondered why he made the presentiment responsible for the deathāwhich he obviously didāand not vice versa. Herbertson implied every time, that youād never get killed if you could keep yourself from having a presentiment. Perhaps there was something in it. Perhaps the soul issues its own ticket of death, when it can stand no more. Surely life controls life: and not accident.
āItās a funny thing what shock will do. We had a sergeant and he shouted to me. Both his feet were offāboth his feet, clean at the ankle. I gave him morphia. You know officers arenāt allowed to use the needleāmight give the man blood poisoning. You give those tabloids. They say they act in a few minutes, but they DONāT. Itās a quarter of an hour. And nothing is more demoralising than when you have a man, wounded, you know, and crying out. Well, this man I gave him the morphia before he got over the stunning, you know. So he didnāt feel the pain. Well, they carried him in. I always used to like to look after my men. So I went next morning and I found he hadnāt been removed to the Clearing Station. I got hold of the doctor and I said, āLook here! Why hasnāt this man been taken to the Clearing Station?ā I used to get excited. But after some years theyād got used to me. āDonāt get excited, Herbertson, the manās dying.ā āBut,ā I said, āheās just been talking to me as strong as you are.ā And he had āheād talk as strong and well as you or me, then go quiet for a bit. I said I gave him the morphia before he came round from the stunning. So heād felt nothing. But in two hours he was dead. The doctor says that the shock does it like that sometimes. You can do nothing for them. Nothing vital is injuredāand yet the life is broken in them. Nothing can be doneāfunny thingāMust be something in the braināā
āItās obviously not the brain,ā said Lilly. āItās deeper than the brain.ā
āDeeper,ā said Herbertson, nodding.
āFunny thing where life is. We had a lieutenant. You know we all buried our own dead. Well, he looked as if he was asleep. Most of the chaps looked like that.ā Herbertson closed his eyes and laid his face aside, like a man asleep and dead peacefully. āYou very rarely see a man dead with any other look on his faceāyou know the other look.āā And he clenched his teeth with a sudden, momentaneous, ghastly distortion.āāWell, youād never have known this chap was dead. He had a wound hereāin the back of the headāand a bit of blood on his handāand nothing else, nothing. Well, I said weād give him a decent burial. He lay there waitingāand theyād wrapped him in a filthy blanketāyou know. Well, I said he should have a proper blanket. Heād been dead lying there a day and a half you know. So I went and got a blanket, a beautiful blanket, out of his private kit āhis people were Scotch, well-known familyāand I got the pins, you know, ready to pin him up properly, for the Scots Guards to bury him. And I thought heād be stiff, you see. But when I took him by the arms, to lift him on, he sat up. It gave me an awful shock. āWhy heās alive!ā I said. But they said he was dead. I couldnāt believe it. It gave me an awful shock. He was as flexible as you or me,
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