somewhere on my way - Anna N. Schnieden (epub e ink reader .TXT) 📗

was very easy. Mr. Moody Be Good, Joshy, Mr. Wise, and I dumped her under a tree she grew 19 years ago. It was on a mountain in Chiang Mai province. After the…dump ashes, Mr. Wise and Joshy were with me for a couple of weeks, so I had some time to get to know him, as we hung out 24/7…I thought Joshy was crazy enough to spend a lot of time with me many years ago, but Mr. Wise…boy, 24/7 he was overreacting to me! I

 

 

was so worried; I might have infected him with my craziness just like I did to Joshy, in a very short time!

 

Somehow, we were having conversations about funerals and religions and how expensive and unnecessary the funerals…are, in Mr. Wise’s opinion! I thought, “Wow, excellent!” Finally, I found someone who was bloody smart, so it was going to be good for me to hear someone non-religious and a non-believer in any kind of manifestation attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature. All my crazy bosses were non-believers, but they could not give me a clear explanation, I was interested to hear him talk.

 

“Well, I had an experience of an event, I haven’t come up with any explanation yet. At the tattoo temple, there were many dogs, and the locals told me when all the dogs came out to the front gate, a dead body would show up the next day. I saw it happen once, during my demonstrations of…ah…my superpower tattoo. They said the spirit came before its body. Well, what do you think?” Me.

 

“Conveniently, only the dogs can see it. I assume they’d talk to the dogs too! Did you look around? What was at the temple’s gate beside the dogs? People? Possibly? Have you ever seen a dog growling? Sometimes, it growls to one person, but not another. Do you know why? ” Mr. Wise.

 

“Ok, dogs and growling! Well, yes. First, I did look around and there were some people outside the gate, but it was late…dark! And yes, I did see a dog, growling to one person, but not another. I think it’s a faculty by which the body perceives an external stimulus such as smell, hearing, taste, and touch. It’s likely similar to the gestures of human behaviour between male and female, chemically created sexual instinct just like animals in response to certain stimuli. Therefore, the dogs in the tattoo temple responded to some human chemically. Moreover, animals follow their leader and they hunt in packs, working together with other members of their species, so all of them most likely act according to their leader.” Me.

 

“You nailed it! Interesting. Why the hell were you there so late?” Mr. Wise.

 

 

“Having the miraculous tattoos conversations. So…no true love, no soul mate, just chemistry. Ahhh…sad!” Me.

 

“Isn’t it?” Mr. Wise.

 

 

“What about Stigmata? San Francesco d’Assisi, he was a priest. He could not lie, could he? And later, there were more…wounds all over, which had been investigating by the scientific study of super voodoo. Evidently, the wounds were identical. Should I go on?” Me.

 

“The permanent holes through your earlobes are identical. Did you notice? It was from an ear-piercing machine, wasn’t it? Because the machine’s impact thumped, simultaneously. Therefore, your wounds were identical. Others appeared to be different miracles of Jesus, which we did not actually witness the occurrence of, only people who were associated with the chosen one. A miracle is the extremity of the creation. I can say I’m a miracle doctor. But how do you know? I believe Jesus was known as a scholarly person who created a miracle with good intentions. History has said millions of people died because of a particular question, the divine. Why? Or, in fact, was it not just about the divine? A miracle doesn’t happen in contradiction to nature, but in contradiction to that which is known to us, as nature. (Ian Wilson, Stigmata). I don’t believe in God because I don’t need God who is only images or anything else to tell me what I should or should not do. Why can’t we be straight on according to the basic rule of law, human and natural? With responsibility, I don’t see why we need to worry about God, death, and another life if our conscience is clear. Why can’t we be kind and generous without the god? You’re a strong person with a high ability of awareness. Why don’t you try to believe in yourself? You always question your judgments. Therefore, many of your choices led you to theological misconstructions. You should and could have believed more in yourself, and let’s see if you can do better or you can do worse.” Mr. Wise.

 

“Oh…broken heart…what am I going to do with my…dead plan?” Me.

 

 

“Well, forget about it!” Mr. Wise.

 

 

“How? I’ve been planning for a long time! Like, literally plan it…the god has plans…or a plan, so I thought…I should have one too!!!” Me.

 

“You’re serious, huh. What is your bloody plan?” Mr. Wise (with no emotional eagerness…whatsoever!!!).

 

“Hmm…I was thinking if…and after I land in heaven, I need to have some discussions with…you know, the big G about parenting and…men? I was going to ask him if he could allow me…be Lucy’s secretary…in hell…you know…torturing bad souls is my expertise. And I have a big plan for the minister…the killer…tortured birdy…I told you about. What am I going to do now? You know, you washed my original brain away.” Me.

 

“You should know, you’re pitiful. You need rehabilitation and understanding. I’m sure whatever those pains were, it wasn’t your doing, but if you do what they did, then you aren’t different.” Mr. Wise.

 

“Hey, Doc! Don’t psychoanalyze me! I promise, you won’t like me when I’m being psychoanalyzed! I’ll think about it when I’ve time. You know, it’s a lot to take in one day…and breaking up with God is a very big deal…Don’t you think?” Me.

 

“Alright, as you wish. Funny, you trust someone or something you don’t actually know!” Mr. Wise.

 

“I’d not say trust…more like…follow the rules and instructions. I’ve got a religion and the religion comes with God, and the god comes with…a miracle! Like, buy over $30, get free sample…sort of.” Me.

 

“Really? Then what are you waiting for? Do you really need time to think about believing in yourself?” Mr. Wise.

 

“Hey, don’t be such an ass! I believe in myself…trust…hmm, I’m…idiosyncratic! But I don’t wait for God to give me anything or do anything for me. I just thought….just in case…you know what I mean. Besides, I’ve been with God for…20 years. I’ve known

 

 

you what…6 days? My knowledge of your decency is based entirely on Joshy’s report. And Moony only said….mm…never mind! Oh, ‘GOD,’ what am I going to do?” Me.

 

“Are you mocking me or your God?” Mr. Wise.

 

 

“Both! Well, I like to think first. Last time, I didn’t take time to think of…something, I got half heaven and half hell, not sure about the justification.” Me.

 

“What was your reasonable decision about…the something?” Mr. Wise.

 

 

“…A miracle…shit hmm. Yes, you’re right. When I didn’t think, I led things on with nonsense ideas! However, I need to think about what you said. I’m a horrible believer!...Sir.” Me.

 

“No doubt…sure! You sleep on it. Be careful, I don’t want you to lose your sanity.” Mr. Wise.

 

“Oh, you don’t really need to worry about that. I lost my sanity long…long ago!” Me.

 

 

I did sleep on hmm…all those understandable subjects, which I had discussed with Mr. Wise. Sorry, Father G, you left me wondering alone. Now I’m not just church- free, but also…God free and the important reason of my…break-free is, if the god exists, why he lets those people…hmm, the Fuck Them (Father G’s version) represent him, I would not…really. Jesus knew that he was going to die…extreme physical suffering, he did not run, he did not kill himself and what did the Fuck Them do? Am I right?

 

I am not sure how things are going to go…up or down. Let’s see…like Mr. Wise said, “If I can do better in a human way.” However, please do not follow…new me, follow your opinions. I cannot say my new me is a correct version; to be precise, I don’t really want to drag anyone to hell with me. I hope I can remember everything after death and if the god does actually exist, he and I are going to have many serious conversations about parenting, men and…Adam! Oh, and the bloody Plans!

 

 

 

 

Relationship-Shit, Love, and Lover

 

 

Relationships and relation-shits are interconnected with each other somehow, in an…impossible comprehension, how it happened or basically, out of the…what? Oh...blue! Sometimes, I was curious about the word “Love” as much as the word “God.”

 

So many people have fallen in love and some say that there exists a community with 100,000 married…happily ever after couples, however very few people are capable of marriage…oh…shit, for reasons such as age, education, etc. If 1,000 people obtain divorces and 1,000 people get married in the same year, the ratio is one divorce for every marriage, which may lead people to think that the community’s relationships are extremely unstable, despite the number of married people not changing. OH…

 

This is also true in reverse: a community with many people of marriageable age may have 10,000 marriages and 1,000 divorces, leading people to believe that it has very stable relationships (Populations Study). Everything has 2 ways, as always…

 

Love is the most profound of emotions, but most people seek its expression in a romantic way…like Romeo and Juliet’s relationship. Moreover, love is the most meaningful element of life, the ability to have a healthy…and an intense feeling of affection. Psychologically speaking, a loving relationship is not innate. In a little human’s earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant’s needs for food, care, protection, stimulation, and social contact. Those relationships are not destiny, but they appear to establish patterns of relating to others. Failed relationships happen for many reasons, and the failure of a relationship is often a source of great psychological anguish. Most of us have to work consciously to strengthen the skills necessary and to make them flourish.

 

 

Well, think in an easy way, it is like “No pain, no game.” Relationships should be a keen intuitive awareness; sadly, few people are capable of understanding a sane and realistic attitude to master situations and problems.

 

I met a lady somewhere…far, very far from my home country. I did not actually know her…to be precise, did not know her name until a year later! But I knew her 2 little daughters, met them once before an incident happened. I was walking in a shopping mall, enjoying a moment of never mind shit. The 2 little daughters ran toward me with an expression of a typical smile, and said, “Hello, Aye. You look beautiful.” I wanted to say something back to them, but I was not fast enough, the lady mammy took hold of them, exerting force on their arms to pull them in another direction, and out of my sight…like hard! Poor little girls…that probably hurt! After that day, I saw them again at some No Welcome You Party. The girls already disliked me…more like…“I hate you…now”… Is it legal to teach children “Hatred” when they are very little? So, how would they understand “Love” when the “Hatred” had been taught…first????

 

On my way…I had been seeing…let’s just say 100 different kinds of relationships, and only 5 were obtained healthy relationships! The 40 was…I do not think “Unstable” is the right word and I think, it would better be “Enforced” which ways? I have no idea. And the leftover 55 was broken…down into…bitch…asshole…slut…motherfucker, and so on. I was practicing all those words in case I needed them myself!

 

Two young adults on my path, they were sisters, and the baby sister told me that she and her big sister were not only sisters, but also Best Friends.

Somehow, someway, the big sister did not think so, and had her own version “Be careful!! My sister is an extremely selfish person!” However, they