The Garden Party - Katherine Mansfield (the beach read .txt) š
- Author: Katherine Mansfield
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ā¦No, madam, grandfather never got over it. He couldnāt bear the sight of me after. Couldnāt eat his dinner, even, if I was there. So my aunt took me. She was a cripple, an upholstress. Tiny! She had to stand on the sofas when she wanted to cut out the backs. And it was helping her I met my ladyā¦
ā¦Not so very, madam. I was thirteen, turned. And I donāt remember ever feelingāwellāa child, as you might say. You see there was my uniform, and one thing and another. My lady put me into collars and cuffs from the first. Oh yesāonce I did! That wasāfunny! It was like this. My lady had her two little nieces staying with herāwe were at Sheldon at the time- -and there was a fair on the common.
āNow, Ellen,ā she said, āI want you to take the two young ladies for a ride on the donkeys.ā Off we went; solemn little loves they were; each had a hand. But when we came to the donkeys they were too shy to go on. So we stood and watched instead. Beautiful those donkeys were! They were the first Iād seen out of a cartāfor pleasure as you might say. They were a lovely silver-grey, with little red saddles and blue bridles and bells jing-a-jingling on their ears. And quite big girlsāolder than me, evenā were riding them, ever so gay. Not at all common, I donāt mean, madam, just enjoying themselves. And I donāt know what it was, but the way the little feet went, and the eyesāso gentleāand the soft earsāmade me want to go on a donkey more than anything in the world!
ā¦Of course, I couldnāt. I had my young ladies. And what would I have looked like perched up there in my uniform? But all the rest of the day it was donkeysādonkeys on the brain with me. I felt I should have burst if I didnāt tell some one; and who was there to tell? But when I went to bedāI was sleeping in Mrs. Jamesās bedroom, our cook that was, at the timeāas soon as the lights was out, there they were, my donkeys, jingling along, with their neat little feet and sad eyesā¦Well, madam, would you believe it, I waited for a long time and pretended to be asleep, and then suddenly I sat up and called out as loud as I could, āI do want to go on a donkey. I do want a donkey-ride!ā You see, I had to say it, and I thought they wouldnāt laugh at me if they knew I was only dreaming. Artfulāwasnāt it? Just what a silly child would thinkā¦
ā¦No, madam, never now. Of course, I did think of it at one time. But it wasnāt to be. He had a little flower-shop just down the road and across from where we was living. Funnyāwasnāt it? And me such a one for flowers. We were having a lot of company at the time, and I was in and out of the shop more often than not, as the saying is. And Harry and I (his name was Harry) got to quarrelling about how things ought to be arrangedā and that began it. Flowers! you wouldnāt believe it, madam, the flowers he used to bring me. Heād stop at nothing. It was lilies-of-the-valley more than once, and Iām not exaggerating! Well, of course, we were going to be married and live over the shop, and it was all going to be just so, and I was to have the window to arrangeā¦Oh, how Iāve done that window of a Saturday! Not really, of course, madam, just dreaming, as you might say. Iāve done it for Christmasāmotto in holly, and allāand Iāve had my Easter lilies with a gorgeous star all daffodils in the middle. Iāve hungāwell, thatās enough of that. The day came he was to call for me to choose the furniture. Shall I ever forget it? It was a Tuesday. My lady wasnāt quite herself that afternoon. Not that sheād said anything, of course; she never does or will. But I knew by the way that she kept wrapping herself up and asking me if it was coldāand her little nose lookedā¦pinched. I didnāt like leaving her; I knew Iād be worrying all the time. At last I asked her if sheād rather I put it off. āOh no, Ellen,ā she said, āyou mustnāt mind about me. You mustnāt disappoint your young man.ā And so cheerful, you know, madam, never thinking about herself. It made me feel worse than ever. I began to wonderā¦then she dropped her handkerchief and began to stoop down to pick it up herselfāa thing she never did. āWhatever are you doing!ā I cried, running to stop her. āWell,ā she said, smiling, you know, madam, āI shall have to begin to practise.ā Oh, it was all I could do not to burst out crying. I went over to the dressing-table and made believe to rub up the silver, and I couldnāt keep myself in, and I asked her if sheād rather Iā¦didnāt get married. āNo, Ellen,ā she saidā that was her voice, madam, like Iām giving youāāNo, Ellen, not for the wide world!ā But while she said it, madamāI was looking in her glass; of course, she didnāt know I could see herāshe put her little hand on her heart just like her dear mother used to, and lifted her eyesā¦Oh, madam!
When Harry came I had his letters all ready, and the ring and a ducky little brooch heād given meāa silver bird it was, with a chain in its beak, and on the end of the chain a heart with a dagger. Quite the thing! I opened the door to him. I never gave him time for a word. āThere you are,ā I said. āTake them all back,ā I said, āitās all over. Iām not going to marry you,ā I said, āI canāt leave my lady.ā White! he turned as white as a woman. I had to slam the door, and there I stood, all of a tremble, till I knew he had gone. When I opened the doorābelieve me or not, madam- -that man was gone! I ran out into the road just as I was, in my apron and my house-shoes, and there I stayed in the middle of the roadā¦staring. People must have laughed if they saw meā¦
ā¦Goodness gracious!āWhatās that? Itās the clock striking! And here Iāve been keeping you awake. Oh, madam, you ought to have stopped meā¦Can I tuck in your feet? I always tuck in my ladyās feet, every night, just the same. And she says, āGood night, Ellen. Sleep sound and wake early!ā I donāt know what I should do if she didnāt say that, now.
ā¦Oh dear, I sometimes thinkā¦whatever should I do if anything were toā¦But, there, thinkingās no good to any oneāis it, madam? Thinking wonāt help. Not that I do it often. And if ever I do I pull myself up sharp, āNow, then, Ellen. At it againāyou silly girl! If you canāt find anything better to do than to start thinking!ā¦ā
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