Field of Blackbirds - Clayton Jeppsen & Lindsey Jeppsen (me reader txt) 📗

Time iced over as it had so many times before for Milla.
She wanted to hate him. She had already convinced herself she never really loved him. And what had been, was now gone. But now Milla was forced to be honest with herself. She admitted the rhetoric only clothed the true feelings she had for Lazar. The naked truths had been buried deep. They were too painful to let run free within her, so painful, they were never even welcome. And now they had escaped and were circling around her like a pack of wild dogs. She couldn’t hide from them.
Was it possible for Lazar to cut through so many days, weeks, months of resentment and condemnation? How could he have that much power? How could he be so brave, Milla asked herself? She didn’t trust her feelings. She didn’t even understand her feelings.
Milla lifted her head, glimpsed at him again. His sorrows descended before her, his tenderness, there to soften her landing. None of it was fair.
Lazar looked different than Milla remembered him. His bright blue eyes magnified under the tears, his brown hair waved. It was little longer than when they were dating. He had lost weight. His skin was rough and he looked five years older. He seemed tired and drained.
“Milla, I’ve tried so hard to find you. You must know what it means to me to see that you’re alive.” Lazar looked as though life was pouring back into his soul.
Something inside her wanted to run to him and hang her necklace of sadness and despair around his neck. But she also felt that he had abandoned her and had no rights to this journey. Milla was torn. She would never be the girl he once knew. She was more than just a damsel in distress. She was completely broken and tainted. She was chased from her home, thrown into a river, fired upon. She watched people all around her die; watched Sofi’s mother die. She was hungry, cold, sick and filthy. She was almost raped. She had shed blood and was nearly contaminated with the detailed tragedies of others. And now she was practically a mother. Lazar would never understand, but he was walking toward her now.
Milla took an impulsive and rebellious step backward. Lazar reached for her, slid his arms around her waist. He tried to pull her in.
“I’m sorry, Milla.” he whispered.
Milla arched her back and shook her head, drawing in a long pained breath. She began sobbing uncontrollably.
“No Lazar, No!” she cried. Milla balled her fist and began hitting at Lazar’s chest. She slapped him in the face. Lazar pulled her in tighter, moving his hands up her back and then gently nudged her head down into his chest. He felt her warm tears on his neck. Lazar wanted every bit of it. He should have been there for her. He should have never left her side. He wanted to start all over again. He wanted to love her again, wanted to protect her. He wanted to go to the end of the world and back for her, fervently trying to earn his pardon.
The two melted into each other’s affection, neither knowing the beginning or the end of each others agony. They just held on to one another, letting their new found antivirus begin its work. Lazar never noticed the others in the storehouse. Milla never noticed Radenko sitting on a stack of firewood in the yard. Wind moved around them. Leaves circled to the ground. Lazar watched one of them fall to the dirt by their feet. It was then that he noticed they were standing in the middle of a circle with squiggly lines drawn all around them.


Chapter 30 – Running Out of Time


Refugee Camp, Just Outside of Srebrenica 1993

“Are you sure Radenko?” asked Lazar.
“It’s the only way they’ll survive, Lazar. Our troops are just waiting for our word. I could only imagine what might happen here. They need the jeep more than we do.”
“It’s a great sacrifice for you, Radenko. Thank you!”
Radenko sighed, “It’s a great sacrifice for us both.”
Radenko made eye contact with Ibrahim, who was still uneasy about the two being there.
Ibrahim got up from where he was sitting and began pacing around the room. “I want you to divert them.” he announced.
“It’s not going to happen, Ibrahim. I hope you understand that.” Radenko was frustrated with their limitations.
“If we tell them there’s no resistance in Srebrenica, they’ll think it’s an easy target and surely come this way. If we tell them the resistance is strong and ready for a fight, then they will choose this route and bring a fight with them. Nothing will intimidate them, Ibrahim. Nikola’s battalion is ranked to be the most relentless group of Serbs next to Arkan’s Tigers.”
Ibrahim removed his knife from his hip; turned it a few times in his hand. “Then tell them there is no resistance. We’ll take ‘em by surprise and kill as many of those bastards as we can.”
“Ibrahim, listen to what you are saying!” Milla finally had enough of Ibrahim’s blind chivalry. She decided to put her foot down as the senior sibling. She had climbed mountains Lazar or Ibrahim had never even seen.
“Ibrahim, you will be of no use to the resistance if you are killed in a Bonsai charge toward armed soldiers. Lazar and Radenko are giving us their jeep. We can make it out of here alive. We can go to Split and find Mama and Tata. You can go back to fight when you’re equipped, when you’re healthy and strong, when you’ve had a square meal and gained the weight back and Ibrahim, when your resistance is stronger than just four young boys.”
Milla knew the words would hurt Ibrahim’s pride, but it was the truth. Milla’s hands came together in the praying motion.
“Please, Ibrahim, come with us!”
Ibrahim lowered his head for a moment, looked over his torn pants, the bloodstains on his sleeves and the redness in his knuckles. He felt he was more than just a young boy. And he felt he was doing the right thing. His father would be proud, even if Milla lacked faith in him.
Ibrahim raised his head, beaming passion with his eyes, “What about the others out there, the ones who don’t have a jeep, the ones that are sick, injured or old and don’t have a chance in hell at defending themselves? What about them, Milla? What about them, Lazar?”
Lazar tried to be careful in his response. Emotions were high. “Ibrahim, I will go down there personally and warn the entire camp that the troops are coming. I’ll see how many we can relocate in the city, at least the women and children.” Lazar looked at Radenko. “We could be tried for treason, but we can try and get word to the Croatian Paramilitary Forces that the Serbs are coming this way.”
“Why would you do that, Lazar?” Ibrahim asked.
Lazar didn’t say anything as his throat swelled and his chest pounded. But it was obvious what he was feeling, when he quietly glanced at Milla. It was only the beginning of what he was willing to do to express his regrets.
“I’m not asking you to make traitors out of yourselves, Lazar. I can try and get word to the Croats myself,” advised Ibrahim. “But you both need to help me warn the camp.”
Lazar rubbed his brow and then looked Ibrahim in the eye. “I became a traitor Ibrahim, the morning I ran through Visegrad in this uniform.”
Nobody could find the words to fill the awkward silence that followed. Ibrahim stood and started to walk to the door.
“Where are you going, Ibrahim?” asked Milla.
“To the camp, we’re running out of time.”
“Ibrahim, will you be ready to leave with us?” Milla walked up to her brother fearing what he might say.
“Milla, my dear sister,” Ibrahim wrapped his arms around her, “right now the fire is raging all around me. It’s raging inside me. If I go with you, the fire will grow dim and I won’t come back. It’s the truth. I want to fight with the threat of being burned at the stake. I am stronger now than I ever was, than I ever will be. I will stay behind and slow them down for you, just like I did in Visegrad. You take care of Sofi and Josif and before you know it Milla, I will be holding you, like I am right now.”
Once again, Milla was forced to pay a toll to the saboteur of hopes. She tried to convince herself she wasn’t holding her brother for the last time. He was stubborn, but he was a stubborn man. She would no longer see him as just a boy. Milla silently liberated the few tears she had left.
“We’ll only be an hour behind you, Ibrahim,” promised Radenko.
Ibrahim nodded his head; took one last look at everyone and walked out the door.
“Lazar come here,” ordered Milla. She embraced him quickly and then noted, “I was so overcome by all that has happened; I didn’t see that you were hurt.” She extended his arms out. “Come over to the sink. I’ll wash you up. I brought plenty of bandages from the camp.”
Lazar couldn’t help looking over at Radenko, but he tried to conceal the private victory. Radenko nodded his head and returned a candid expression.

************

Josif made a heaving sound as he tried to lift his potato sack of belongings into the jeep. The hike alone consumed what was left of his energy.
“Let me help you with that, Josif.” Lazar made it look as though it was a bag of cotton balls. Then he gave Josif the boost he needed into the jeep.
“Thank you, young man! Any place is better then here.” This was the first time Lazar heard Josif speak. Lazar didn’t know how Milla had come across this man, but