Save Myself - Jasmine Austen (surface ebook reader .txt) 📗

wouldn't suffer the same heartbreak that is currently taking it's toll on my soul. But... I couldn't really tell if Louis delivered the same affection that I was trying to show Louis. I didn't know if I liked him or not, but... my heart skipped a beat at the mere sight of him, the looks he gave me that made my heart fluttered and the touch that send me into a state of blissful consciousness. I just met him but the signs of love were there.
But I wasn't going to do anything about this new profound love that me shook my core. I was just going to let it sit and hope it would fade away with the time we spent together. It was clear that a relationship with someone like me was a fatal disaster. My heart was too broken and sore to ever show love again. Time would never heal these wounds that were placed with me.
I found the bathroom, avoiding the stares and the awkward looks that the crew was giving me. I felt as if I were being burned like a ant under the intense glare of sunlight, I hastily went inside the bathroom, almost running.
I locked the door, dropping the beauty objects on the floor, not caring if the fragile objects broke. I turned on the light, letting out a intense breathtaking gasp at the stuff that were on the floor.
There were shaving creams, expensive razors, cherry-scented body wash, Strawberries & Cream shampoo and conditioner, straightening gel, curling mousse, bobby pins, headband, pink straightners, pink flat iron, Vanilla lotion, SkinBright Vanishing Scars, a big bag of makeup and finally... a first aid kit.
The clothes were different. They were a hot pink thong, a grey tank top, a white lace-layered skirt, and grey flats along with a light grey cardigan. I smiled at the sensible clothes as I put them on the seat of the toilet before collecting the beauty products and putting them all in the sink. I grabbed a towel from the cupboard in the comer before turning on a scalding hot shower. I felt robotic and empty as the thoughts of Louis, Eleanor and me formed into my head.
I stepped into the shower, grabbing the cherry-scented body wash as I let myself drown in my sorrows. It was relaxing, feeling my stiff bones pop at the hot burning shower that laced through my coarse skin. The smell of fresh picked cherries wafted through the bathroom. I grabbed the Strawberries & Cream shampoo and conditioner, mingling it with the noodles that were in my hair. I washed in dark amusement as it down the big drain, as it went down I felt my old shell of loneliness and sadness go down there too. But there was this one piece of me that would never come off, that feeling of abuse. It has stripped my love dry and had let it shrivel up into a crusty dry, rotted flower.
I shook my head, not letting myself be sad. I washed the soap and shampoo of me quickly before jumping out of the shower. I felt clean and fresh. I grabbed the Vanilla lotion, rubbing it over my body, all over my cuts. I hissed at the cut that was near my left breast as the lotion let it's almost acidic feeling soak in. I made a reminder to get the first aid kit next.
I grabbed it and opened it, rummaging around for a ointment and a tiny bandage. The cuts were only scratches and the bruises could be easily done with makeup. Besides, I wasn't really worrying about my appearance.
After I was done with the first aid kit, I grabbed the SkinBright Vanishing Scars cream, feeling curiosity bloom inside of me. I never heard of this but hey, you only live once, right? I grabbed a handful of cream out of the canister it was in before rubbing it over my body. It felt cold and minty to my skin and I couldn't help but notice that it soften my scars and lightened my bruises. I made a quick not to tell Harry to get more.
I pondered over the straightening gel and the curling mousse. Did I want my hair a slick down straight or a curly wavy wet look to it? I pondered a bit more before grabbing the straightening gel and putting it all over me hair. I didn't want to look or be compared to Eleanor, that was just too close to home.
I shook my head, letting the wet gel land in splotches on the floor, I grabbed a blow dryer that was on the seat of the toilet in the basket before drying my hair, letting it hit down my back. I did while looking in the mirror, noticing the difference between my regular slightly curly hair to the straight one. I felt new and improved while doing this, like a barbie that can shoot lasers out it's boobs. I laughed at the thought, who knew I had a sense of humor?
I grabbed the flat iron, doing my hair quickly so I can see how it looked. I looked in the mirror before gaping a the girl who gaped back at me.
Her hair pencil straight, a light look to it but the thing that bothered me the most was the length.
It was down to her waist, swirling around her in a childish array. She looked like she was thirteen instead of nineteen. I felt a lashing fierceness rip inside of me as I grabbed the scissors in the sink and began cutting it. I felt like a machine, feeling nothing at all as the light chestnut brown hairs fell to the floor.
I was a new person.


Chapter 4- Not Afraid

With the final touch of voluminousness mascara I was done. I was placed in my clothes, including the thong since my panties were sickly covered in food and dirt. My legs were shaved, my bruises were gone thanks to the makeup and my scars were barely visible thanks to the cream. My hair was now to my shoulders and cut into a crisp oval in the back. I had let my bangs cover the left side of my face and I put the nice silver hoops in my hair. My makeup was done, including a smoky eyes shadow look placed on my blue eyes and a dark rouge of blush placed on my cheeks, my lips were shiny and plump with pink lipstick and even my nails were a dark hot pink.
As you can see, I felt very very pretty.
But at the same time, I felt unsure. I felt like another person in these clothes, I felt different. I couldn't go out there and strut as if this were truly me when it wasn't. But was I about to go back to the Karina that has been hurt and abused with "love"? Or was I going to act like a model when I really wasn't?
My fingertips inched towards the trash that had my clothes in it when the loud rapping of the door made me stop.
"Yeah?" I answered, never taking my eyes off the trashcan that buried my old life.
"Um... It's Zayn. I was just checking to see if you were okay..." Zayn said nervously. "The guys thought you escaped..."
My hand squeezed the door knob before opening it.
"Why would I leave you guys?"
Zayn's dark brown eyes were wide as he stepped back a little with shock. I couldn't help but blush as his eyes were a little too friendly as they rake down my body with want. I have never been looked over like this! It felt oddly disturbing but exciting in a way...
"Zayn, your drooling," I teased, tapping the bottom of his chin with a pink-covered nail. I felt bold with the racy clothing on, like I was invincible.
Zayn snapped his mouth shut, but his eyes were still wide as he met my blue ones. I gave a shy smile before looping my elbow through his and gently tugged on his shirt.
"Let's see if the other boys do what you do!" I exclaimed excitingly. I definitely want to watch what Louis does. The thought of him looking at me with want almost me me faint on the spot.
Zayn shook out of his surprised, dazed state as he gave a big grin. "A little excited, are we?" There was a little too much hinting in the voice as we walked down the hall like old buddies. I felt especially close to Zayn since he, along with the four others saved me from my inevitable death.
"I want to thank you," I said, brushing past the comment he made. I turned my head so he couldn't see my red face.
"For what?"
"For practically saving my life. I forever owe you guys."
Zayn laughed. "A lady never deserves to be treated the way you did, just by one look at you it was clear to see what you were dealing with. Your a strong woman you know that?"
"Why?" I asked dubiously.
"I used to believe a woman, especially a teenager, was a fragile thing to mess with. You guys are much more in touch with your emotions than us, you experienced a lot of hurt, Karina. People like you don't really live to see their next birthday. Your a very admiring role model."
"But it's people like you

that save people like me. You decide to give us a savior, to let us live another day," I shook my head. "You guys are superheroes."
We reached near the door just as Zayn was about to object. And as we neared I heard arguing.
"Louis, just face it! Our relationship is getting old, we tried and we tried but I don't think it's working." Eleanor.
"But...you don't give a damn to try and make it work! I love you Eleanor... when will you try and love me back?" Louis.
"I do love you, Louis but not in the way you try to love me. It's over, Louie, I'm sorry."
Zayn heard too. That's why he quickly ushered me into the room so I didn't have to hear them. I didn't want to anyway, to know that Louis was in love with Eleanor broke my heart even more. Suddenly, I didn't want to show the new me to the rest of the guys.
But I had no choice.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes slightly as I pushed it open.
"So..." I said breathlessly. It felt as if the oxygen