Lord Jim - Joseph Conrad (ereader iphone .TXT) 📗

talked feverishly; but in the middle of a word, perhaps, an invisible hand would take him by the throat, and he would look at me dumbly with an expression of doubt and anguish. He seemed to fear that I would get tired of waiting and go away, leaving him with his tale untold, with his exultation unexpressed. He died during the night, I believe, but by that time I had nothing more to learn.

 

‘So much as to Brown, for the present.

 

‘Eight months before this, coming into Samarang, I went as usual to see Stein. On the garden side of the house a Malay on the verandah greeted me shyly, and I remembered that I had seen him in Patusan, in Jim’s house, amongst other Bugis men who used to come in the evening to talk interminably over their war reminiscences and to discuss State affairs. Jim had pointed him out to me once as a respectable petty trader owning a small seagoing native craft, who had showed himself “one of the best at the taking of the stockade.”

I was not very surprised to see him, since any Patusan trader venturing as far as Samarang would naturally find his way to Stein’s house. I returned his greeting and passed on. At the door of Stein’s room I came upon another Malay in whom I recognised Tamb’ Itam.

 

‘I asked him at once what he was doing there; it occurred to me that Jim might have come on a visit. I own I was pleased and excited at the thought. Tamb’ Itam looked as if he did not know what to say.

“Is Tuan Jim inside?” I asked impatiently. “No,” he mumbled, hanging his head for a moment, and then with sudden earnestness, “He would not fight. He would not fight,” he repeated twice. As he seemed unable to say anything else, I pushed him aside and went in,

 

‘Stein, tall and stooping, stood alone in the middle of the room between the rows of butterfly cases. “Ach! is it you, my friend?”

he said sadly, peering through his glasses. A drab sack-coat of alpaca hung, unbuttoned, down to his knees. He had a Panama hat on his head, and there were deep furrows on his pale cheeks. “What’s the matter now?” I asked nervously. “There’s Tamb’ Itam there… .”

“Come and see the girl. Come and see the girl. She is here,” he said, with a half-hearted show of activity. I tried to detain him, but with gentle obstinacy he would take no notice of my eager questions.

“She is here, she is here,” he repeated, in great perturbation. “They came here two days ago. An old man like me, a stranger—sehen Sie—cannot do much… . Come this way… . Young hearts are unforgiving… .” I could see he was in utmost distress… . “The strength of life in them, the cruel strength of life… .” He mumbled, leading me round the house; I followed him, lost in dismal and angry conjectures. At the door of the drawing-room he barred my way. “He loved her very much,” he said interrogatively, and I only nodded, feeling so bitterly disappointed that I would not trust myself to speak. “Very frightful,” he murmured. “She can’t understand me. I am only a strange old man. Perhaps you … she knows you. Talk to her. We can’t leave it like this. Tell her to forgive him. It was very frightful.” “No doubt,” I said, exasperated at being in the dark; “but have you forgiven him?” He looked at me queerly. “You shall hear,” he said, and opening the door, absolutely pushed me in.

 

‘You know Stein’s big house and the two immense reception-rooms, uninhabited and uninhabitable, clean, full of solitude and of shining things that look as if never beheld by the eye of man? They are cool on the hottest days, and you enter them as you would a scrubbed cave underground. I passed through one, and in the other I saw the girl sitting at the end of a big mahogany table, on which she rested her head, the face hidden in her arms. The waxed floor reflected her dimly as though it had been a sheet of frozen water. The rattan screens were down, and through the strange greenish gloom made by the foliage of the trees outside a strong wind blew in gusts, swaying the long draperies of windows and doorways. Her white figure seemed shaped in snow; the pendent crystals of a great chandelier clicked above her head like glittering icicles. She looked up and watched my approach.

I was chilled as if these vast apartments had been the cold abode of despair.

 

‘She recognised me at once, and as soon as I had stopped, looking down at her: “He has left me,” she said quietly; “you always leave us—for your own ends.” Her face was set. All the heat of life seemed withdrawn within some inaccessible spot in her breast. “It would have been easy to die with him,” she went on, and made a slight weary gesture as if giving up the incomprehensible. “He would not!

It was like a blindness—and yet it was I who was speaking to him; it was I who stood before his eyes; it was at me that he looked all the time! Ah! you are hard, treacherous, without truth, without compassion. What makes you so wicked? Or is it that you are all mad?”

 

‘I took her hand; it did not respond, and when I dropped it, it hung down to the floor. That indifference, more awful than tears, cries, and reproaches, seemed to defy time and consolation. You felt that nothing you could say would reach the seat of the still and benumbing pain.

 

‘Stein had said, “You shall hear.” I did hear. I heard it all, listening with amazement, with awe, to the tones of her inflexible weariness. She could not grasp the real sense of what she was telling me, and her resentment filled me with pity for her—for him too. I stood rooted to the spot after she had finished. Leaning on her arm, she stared with hard eyes, and the wind passed in gusts, the crystals kept on clicking in the greenish gloom. She went on whispering to herself: “And yet he was looking at me! He could see my face, hear my voice, hear my grief! When I used to sit at his feet, with my cheek against his knee and his hand on my head, the curse of cruelty and madness was already within him, waiting for the day. The day came! … and before the sun had set he could not see me any more—he was made blind and deaf and without pity, as you all are.

He shall have no tears from me. Never, never. Not one tear. I will not! He went away from me as if I had been worse than death. He fled as if driven by some accursed thing he had heard or seen in his sleep… .”

 

‘Her steady eyes seemed to strain after the shape of a man torn out of her arms by the strength of a dream. She made no sign to my silent bow. I was glad to escape.

 

‘I saw her once again, the same afternoon. On leaving her I had gone in search of Stein, whom I could not find indoors; and I wandered out, pursued by distressful thoughts, into the gardens, those famous gardens of Stein, in which you can find every plant and tree of tropical lowlands. I followed the course of the canalised stream, and sat for a long time on a shaded bench near the ornamental pond, where some waterfowl with clipped wings were diving and splashing noisily. The branches of casuarina trees behind me swayed lightly, incessantly, reminding me of the soughing of fir trees at home.

 

‘This mournful and restless sound was a fit accompaniment to my meditations. She had said he had been driven away from her by a dream,—and there was no answer one could make her—there seemed to be no forgiveness for such a transgression. And yet is not mankind itself, pushing on its blind way, driven by a dream of its greatness and its power upon the dark paths of excessive cruelty and of excessive devotion? And what is the pursuit of truth, after all?

 

‘When I rose to get back to the house I caught sight of Stein’s drab coat through a gap in the foliage, and very soon at a turn of the path I came upon him walking with the girl. Her little hand rested on his forearm, and under the broad, flat rim of his Panama hat he bent over her, grey-haired, paternal, with compassionate and chivalrous deference. I stood aside, but they stopped, facing me.

His gaze was bent on the ground at his feet; the girl, erect and slight on his arm, stared sombrely beyond my shoulder with black, clear, motionless eyes. “Schrecklich,” he murmured. “Terrible! Terrible!

What can one do?” He seemed to be appealing to me, but her youth, the length of the days suspended over her head, appealed to me more; and suddenly, even as I realised that nothing could be said, I found myself pleading his cause for her sake. “You must forgive him,” I concluded, and my own voice seemed to me muffled, lost in un irresponsive deaf immensity. “We all want to be forgiven,” I added after a while.

 

‘ “What have I done?” she asked with her lips only.

 

‘ “You always mistrusted him,” I said.

 

‘ “He was like the others,” she pronounced slowly.

 

‘ “Not like the others,” I protested, but she continued evenly, without any feeling—

 

‘ “He was false.” And suddenly Stein broke in. “No! no! no! My poor child! …” He patted her hand lying passively on his sleeve.

“No! no! Not false! True! True! True!” He tried to look into her stony face. “You don’t understand. Ach! Why you do not understand?

… Terrible,” he said to me. “Some day she shall understand.”

 

‘ “Will you explain?” I asked, looking hard at him. They moved on.

 

‘I watched them. Her gown trailed on the path, her black hair fell loose. She walked upright and light by the side of the tall man, whose long shapeless coat hung in perpendicular folds from the stooping shoulders, whose feet moved slowly. They disappeared beyond that spinney (you may remember) where sixteen different kinds of bamboo grow together, all distinguishable to the learned eye. For my part, I was fascinated by the exquisite grace and beauty of that fluted grove, crowned with pointed leaves and feathery heads, the lightness, the vigour, the charm as distinct as a voice of that unperplexed luxuriating life. I remember staying to look at it for a long time, as one would linger within reach of a consoling whisper. The sky was pearly grey. It was one of those overcast days so rare in the tropics, in which memories crowd upon one, memories of other shores, of other faces.

 

‘I drove back to town the same afternoon, taking with me Tamb’ Itam and the other Malay, in whose seagoing craft they had escaped in the bewilderment, fear, and gloom of the disaster. The shock of it seemed to have changed their natures. It had turned her passion into stone, and it made the surly taciturn Tamb’ Itam almost loquacious. His surliness, too, was subdued into puzzled humility, as though he had seen the failure of a potent charm in a supreme moment. The Bugis trader, a shy hesitating man, was very clear in the little he had to say. Both were evidently over-awed by a sense of deep inexpressible wonder, by the touch of an inscrutable mystery.’

 

There