Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (i want to read a book .txt) 📗
- Author: Charles Dickens
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itself. It would have done so, pretty surely, in conjunction with
the mental wear and tear I had suffered, but for the unnatural
strain upon me that tomorrow was. So anxiously looked forward to,
charged with such consequences, its results so impenetrably hidden,
though so near.
No precaution could have been more obvious than our refraining from
communication with him that day; yet this again increased my
restlessness. I started at every footstep and every sound,
believing that he was discovered and taken, and this was the
messenger to tell me so. I persuaded myself that I knew he was
taken; that there was something more upon my mind than a fear or a
presentiment; that the fact had occurred, and I had a mysterious
knowledge of it. As the days wore on, and no ill news came, as the
day closed in and darkness fell, my overshadowing dread of being
disabled by illness before tomorrow morning altogether mastered
me. My burning arm throbbed, and my burning head throbbed, and I
fancied I was beginning to wander. I counted up to high numbers, to
make sure of myself, and repeated passages that I knew in prose and
verse. It happened sometimes that in the mere escape of a fatigued
mind, I dozed for some moments or forgot; then I would say to
myself with a start, “Now it has come, and I am turning delirious!”
They kept me very quiet all day, and kept my arm constantly
dressed, and gave me cooling drinks. Whenever I fell asleep, I
awoke with the notion I had had in the sluice-house, that a long
time had elapsed and the opportunity to save him was gone. About
midnight I got out of bed and went to Herbert, with the conviction
that I had been asleep for four-and-twenty hours, and that
Wednesday was past. It was the last self-exhausting effort of my
fretfulness, for after that I slept soundly.
Wednesday morning was dawning when I looked out of window. The
winking lights upon the bridges were already pale, the coming sun
was like a marsh of fire on the horizon. The river, still dark and
mysterious, was spanned by bridges that were turning coldly gray,
with here and there at top a warm touch from the burning in the
sky. As I looked along the clustered roofs, with church-towers and
spires shooting into the unusually clear air, the sun rose up, and
a veil seemed to be drawn from the river, and millions of sparkles
burst out upon its waters. From me too, a veil seemed to be drawn,
and I felt strong and well.
Herbert lay asleep in his bed, and our old fellow-student lay
asleep on the sofa. I could not dress myself without help; but I
made up the fire, which was still burning, and got some coffee
ready for them. In good time they too started up strong and well,
and we admitted the sharp morning air at the windows, and looked at
the tide that was still flowing towards us.
“When it turns at nine o’clock,” said Herbert, cheerfully, “look
out for us, and stand ready, you over there at Mill Pond Bank!”
It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind
blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the
shade. We had out pea-coats with us, and I took a bag. Of all my
worldly possessions I took no more than the few necessaries that
filled the bag. Where I might go, what I might do, or when I might
return, were questions utterly unknown to me; nor did I vex my mind
with them, for it was wholly set on Provis’s safety. I only
wondered for the passing moment, as I stopped at the door and
looked back, under what altered circumstances I should next see
those rooms, if ever.
We loitered down to the Temple stairs, and stood loitering there,
as if we were not quite decided to go upon the water at all. Of
course, I had taken care that the boat should be ready and
everything in order. After a little show of indecision, which there
were none to see but the two or three amphibious creatures
belonging to our Temple stairs, we went on board and cast off;
Herbert in the bow, I steering. It was then about high-water,—
half-past eight.
Our plan was this. The tide, beginning to run down at nine, and
being with us until three, we intended still to creep on after it
had turned, and row against it until dark. We should then be well
in those long reaches below Gravesend, between Kent and Essex,
where the river is broad and solitary, where the water-side
inhabitants are very few, and where lone public-houses are
scattered here and there, of which we could choose one for a
resting-place. There, we meant to lie by all night. The steamer
for Hamburg and the steamer for Rotterdam would start from London
at about nine on Thursday morning. We should know at what time to
expect them, according to where we were, and would hail the first;
so that, if by any accident we were not taken abroad, we should have
another chance. We knew the distinguishing marks of each vessel.
The relief of being at last engaged in the execution of the
purpose was so great to me that I felt it difficult to realize the
condition in which I had been a few hours before. The crisp air,
the sunlight, the movement on the river, and the moving river
itself,—the road that ran with us, seeming to sympathize with us,
animate us, and encourage us on,—freshened me with new hope. I
felt mortified to be of so little use in the boat; but, there were
few better oarsmen than my two friends, and they rowed with a
steady stroke that was to last all day.
At that time, the steam-traffic on the Thames was far below its
present extent, and watermen’s boats were far more numerous. Of
barges, sailing colliers, and coasting-traders, there were perhaps,
as many as now; but of steam-ships, great and small, not a tithe
or a twentieth part so many. Early as it was, there were plenty of
scullers going here and there that morning, and plenty of barges
dropping down with the tide; the navigation of the river between
bridges, in an open boat, was a much easier and commoner matter in
those days than it is in these; and we went ahead among many skiffs
and wherries briskly.
Old London Bridge was soon passed, and old Billingsgate Market with
its oyster-boats and Dutchmen, and the White Tower and Traitor’s
Gate, and we were in among the tiers of shipping. Here were the
Leith, Aberdeen, and Glasgow steamers, loading and unloading goods,
and looking immensely high out of the water as we passed alongside;
here, were colliers by the score and score, with the coal-whippers
plunging off stages on deck, as counterweights to measures of coal
swinging up, which were then rattled over the side into barges;
here, at her moorings was tomorrow’s steamer for Rotterdam, of
which we took good notice; and here tomorrow’s for Hamburg, under
whose bowsprit we crossed. And now I, sitting in the stern, could
see, with a faster beating heart, Mill Pond Bank and Mill Pond
stairs.
“Is he there?” said Herbert.
“Not yet.”
“Right! He was not to come down till he saw us. Can you see his
signal?”
“Not well from here; but I think I see it.—Now I see him! Pull
both. Easy, Herbert. Oars!”
We touched the stairs lightly for a single moment, and he was on
board, and we were off again. He had a boat-cloak with him, and a
black canvas bag; and he looked as like a river-pilot as my heart
could have wished.
“Dear boy!” he said, putting his arm on my shoulder, as he took his
seat. “Faithful dear boy, well done. Thankye, thankye!”
Again among the tiers of shipping, in and out, avoiding rusty
chain-cables frayed hempen hawsers and bobbing buoys, sinking for
the moment floating broken baskets, scattering floating chips of
wood and shaving, cleaving floating scum of coal, in and out, under
the figure-head of the John of Sunderland making a speech to the
winds (as is done by many Johns), and the Betsy of Yarmouth with a
firm formality of bosom and her knobby eyes starting two inches out
of her head; in and out, hammers going in ship-builders’ yards, saws
going at timber, clashing engines going at things unknown, pumps
going in leaky ships, capstans going, ships going out to sea, and
unintelligible sea-creatures roaring curses over the bulwarks at
respondent lightermen, in and out,—out at last upon the clearer
river, where the ships’ boys might take their fenders in, no longer
fishing in troubled waters with them over the side, and where the
festooned sails might fly out to the wind.
At the Stairs where we had taken him abroad, and ever since, I had
looked warily for any token of our being suspected. I had seen
none. We certainly had not been, and at that time as certainly we
were not either attended or followed by any boat. If we had been
waited on by any boat, I should have run in to shore, and have
obliged her to go on, or to make her purpose evident. But we held
our own without any appearance of molestation.
He had his boat-cloak on him, and looked, as I have said, a natural
part of the scene. It was remarkable (but perhaps the wretched life
he had led accounted for it) that he was the least anxious of any
of us. He was not indifferent, for he told me that he hoped to live
to see his gentleman one of the best of gentlemen in a foreign
country; he was not disposed to be passive or resigned, as I
understood it; but he had no notion of meeting danger half way.
When it came upon him, he confronted it, but it must come before he
troubled himself.
“If you knowed, dear boy,” he said to me, “what it is to sit here
alonger my dear boy and have my smoke, arter having been day by day
betwixt four walls, you’d envy me. But you don’t know what it is.”
“I think I know the delights of freedom,” I answered.
“Ah,” said he, shaking his head gravely. “But you don’t know it
equal to me. You must have been under lock and key, dear boy, to
know it equal to me,—but I ain’t a going to be low.”
It occurred to me as inconsistent, that, for any mastering idea, he
should have endangered his freedom, and even his life. But I
reflected that perhaps freedom without danger was too much apart
from all the habit of his existence to be to him what it would be
to another man. I was not far out, since he said, after smoking a
little:—
“You see, dear boy, when I was over yonder, t’other side the world,
I was always a looking to this side; and it come flat to be there,
for all I was a growing rich. Everybody knowed Magwitch, and
Magwitch could come, and Magwitch could go, and nobody’s head would
be troubled about him. They ain’t so easy concerning me here, dear
boy,—wouldn’t be, leastwise, if they knowed where I was.”
“If all goes well,” said I, “you will be perfectly free and safe
again within a few hours.”
“Well,” he returned, drawing a long breath, “I hope so.”
“And think so?”
He dipped his hand in the water over the boat’s gunwale, and said,
smiling with that softened air upon him which was not new to me:—
“Ay, I s’pose I think so, dear
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