Woman - William J. Robinson (web ebook reader .TXT) 📗
- Author: William J. Robinson
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And therefore, once more, remember, an abortion is no trifling matter.
One other piece of advice and I am through. Some men of a low moral and mental caliber are under the influence of the pernicious idea that if a girl has lost her virginity—no matter under what circumstances—she no longer amounts to much and is free prey for everybody who may want her. And, like beasts of prey, these wretched specimens of humanity pester such a girl with much more impudence, more brazenness than they dare to employ in the case of a girl who is still considered a virgin. And, what is more, the girls themselves become poisoned with this pernicious idea and dare not offer the same resistance that the virgin does. And they often yield with resignation, though against their will, and though they may experience a feeling of disgust against the man.
Now again, don't you do it. Do not nurse the medieval idea that because you are not a virgin in the physical sense, you are "ruined," "no good," and an outcast. You are nothing of the kind. If through some cause or other you are no longer in possession of an intact hymen, it is your affair or misfortune, and nobody else's. Do not on that account cast your eyes down and avoid meeting people. Carry your head high, do not fear to meet people, and treat with contempt the jeers of the stupid and ignorant. A person's entire character does not depend upon the presence or absence of the hymen, and one misstep should not ruin a person's whole life. A boy is not "ruined," is not an outcast, because he has had sexual relations before marriage, and while the boy's and girl's cases are not exactly identical, still the poor girl should not be made to expiate one error all her life long.
It isn't fair.
Attitude of Parents Towards Unfortunate Girl—The Case of Edith and What Her Father Did—The Pitiful Cases of Mary B. and Bridget C.
Suppose you are the parents of a girl to whom a misfortune has happened. I admit it is a misfortune, a catastrophe. Probably the greatest catastrophe that, under our present social system, can happen to an unmarried young woman. What are you going to do? Are you going to disgrace her—incidentally disgracing yourselves—are you going to kick her out of the house, condemning her to a suicide's grave, or to a life that is often worse than death? Or are you going to stand by her in her dark hours, to shield her, to surround her with a wall of protection against a cruel and wantonly inquisitive world, and thus earn her eternal gratitude, and put her on the path of self-improvement and useful social work? Which shall it be? But before you decide, kindly bear in mind that your girl is not entirely to blame; that some of the blame lies with you. If she had been properly brought up, this would not have happened. I know such a thing could never have happened in my household. But I know how I would have acted if such a thing had happened. And I will tell you how one father and mother did act under the circumstances.
They were far from rich; just fairly comfortable; they had a well-paying store. Edith was their treasure, because she was so pretty and so full of life. Unfortunately, she was too pretty and too full of life. She was only seventeen, but was fully developed, and had many empty-headed young admirers, who showered upon her silly compliments and cloying sweets. She became frivolous and flirtatious and was beginning to do poorly in high school. She failed in her last year, and refused to take the year over again. Now, all the time being her own, and having nobody to give any account to, she began to go out a good deal, and more than ever indulged in flirtations. One night she stayed out later than usual, her parents were worried, and when she came home about two in the morning there was a quarrel, and the father, who was a strict, impulsive man, gave her a pretty good beating. After that she went out very little, kept to herself, became rather melancholy, lost her appetite, and did not sleep well. To all inquiries she answered that there was nothing the matter with her, that she just felt a little indisposed. Four or five months thus passed.
But finally the condition could no longer be concealed. The mother was the first one to discover it. When the fact dawned upon her consciousness that her beautiful, not quite eighteen-year-old Edith was pregnant she promptly fell in a faint and it took Edith and the maid quite some time to restore her to consciousness. She became distracted. She floundered about pitifully, not knowing what to do, what decision to reach. She tried to conceal the matter from the father, but he saw that there was something wrong and it didn't take him long to worm the truth out of her. As the mother on learning the tragic truth had taken refuge in a dead faint, so he took refuge in a Berserker rage. He fumed and stormed and was in danger of an apoplectic stroke. He wanted to strike the daughter, but the mother interfered. He then ordered Edith to get out of the house and never to cross his threshold again. Edith looked at him to see if he meant it; the mother tried to intercede; but he was inflexible, and demanded that she leave at once. Edith began to gather a few of her belongings, the tears silently rolling down her face.
And here a sudden change came over the father. Some men (and women) are crushed by small misfortunes; real catastrophes awaken their finer qualities, which lay dormant within them and which might have remained dormant within them forever. In these few minutes he seems to have undergone a complete metamorphosis. He went up to Edith, took her in his arms, kissed her, told her to stay, to calm down and they would see what could be done. In a few days she was taken over to a physician who performed an abortion. She was a pretty sick girl for about six weeks, and at one time there was danger of blood poisoning setting in. But she recovered. And she was a different girl. She had shed her frivolity and lightheartedness like an old garment. She took her last year in high school over again, entered Barnard, from which she was graduated among the very first, and soon began to teach in that very high school in which she had been a pupil. One of the teachers fell in love with her and she fell in love with him. He asked her to marry him. She wanted no skeleton from the past coming down rattling its bones and marring their married life, and she told him of the unfortunate incident. A good test, by the way, to find out a man's real love and breadth of character. Fortunately the man's love was a true love, not merely passion, and he was truly broadminded, which is not a very common thing among school-teachers. Their married life is an uncloudedly happy one. And the relation between the daughter and the parents is one of sincere love and deep mutual respect.
Isn't it better so?
Didn't Edith's parents act more decently, more kindly, more humanely, more wisely than the parents, say, of Mary B, who, when they found out her condition, put her out of the house, into which she was brought back two days later a corpse, fished out from the East River? Didn't Edith's father act more nobly, more wisely even from a purely selfish point of view than the father of Bridget C, who kicked his daughter out penniless into the street, where he had to see her afterwards powdered and painted soliciting men and boys? The mother died of a broken heart, and the father, unable to bear the constant, daily repeated disgrace, became an incorrigible drunkard.
Fathers and mothers! So bring up your daughters, so guard them and protect them, that the misfortune of an illegitimate pregnancy may not befall them. But if the misfortune has befallen them, then stand by them! Do not desert them then in these dark hours, the darkest hours in a girl's life. Do not kick them—they are down enough. Stand by them, and they will become good women and you will have their eternal gratitude. If you do not stand by them, you are worse than the beasts of the jungle and deserve their eternal curse. You are unworthy to be, or to be called, parents, for you are devoid of the least spark of that sacred feeling called Parental Love, a feeling which unfortunately in only too many parents is replaced by nothing but the most sordid, most brutal egotism.
Heightened Sexual Appetite of Many Women During Menstruation—Sexual Intercourse During Menstrual Period—When Intercourse May be Permitted—Injection Before Coitus During Menstruation—Fallacy of Ancient Idea of Injuriousness.
This may seem to some a strange and superfluous question, a question which would never present itself. Still the laity would be surprised if it learned how frequently nowadays that question is presented to the physician who specializes in sex matters. Some husbands come to the physician complaining that the menses are the only period during which their wives demand sex relations, and ask if something cannot be done to cure them of what they consider an abnormal desire.
Biologically considered, the desire on the woman's part for sex relations during the menses should not seem strange or abnormal, for we must bear in mind that menstruation bears a certain analogy to the rut in animals. And animals permit intercourse at no time except during the rut.
Recent investigations have disclosed to fact that the number of women whose sexual appetite is heightened during the time immediately preceding, during, and following the menses, is quite considerable. And there is also a smaller percentage of women who experience the desire at no other time except during the menses.
Speaking generally, relations during the menses should be discouraged. There are several reasons for it. The first reason, which need not be gone into in detail, is an esthetic one. The second reason is that intercourse during menstruation may in some cases lead to congestion of the uterus and ovaries. Third, the menstrual discharge, which as we know does not consist of pure blood but is a mixture of blood, mucus, and degenerated lining membrane of the uterus, may give rise to a catarrh of the urethra in the man. Fourth, and this is a point to be borne in mind, any discharge that a woman may be suffering from is always aggravated during menstruation. For these reasons relations during the menses are undesirable.
But where the woman has strong libido during that time and has no libido at any other time, relations may be indulged in during the last day or two of the menses. Any unpleasantness may be obviated and any discharge may be removed by the woman taking a mild, warm, antiseptic injection before coitus. The ancient idea of the injuriousness of the relations during menstruation and the disastrous results likely to follow them have only a very slender foundation. They rest on no scientific basis and though it may be sad to state facts, there are many couples who do indulge
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