Touch of Cancer - Jean Charity (best love novels of all time TXT) 📗

more-than-awkward, price to pay for one’s life.

GAS AND WIND

With cancer treatment our bodies feel the necessity to rid themselves of huge amounts of gas and wind, and the more toxins pumped into them the more they respond in this way. It is distressing when a laugh or cough can suddenly liberate a ricochet of ‘windy-pops’ resembling the release of bullets in a firing line, when in company, but our bodies are very intricate pieces of engineering and know what they need to do to survive.
Before my cancer I recall this subject being mentioned by two friends undergoing treatment. The first was a male whose body had emitted an almighty blast in church one day in the middle of silent prayer; and the second was a girl friend who had finally asked her partner to leave her house. With some relief she informed me that her home was once more her own, and added ‘at least now I can ‘let everything go’ when I feel the need’. Now that I share their problem, I understand totally.
The body needs to release gases and does so at will regardless of our circumstances at the time; and whilst undesirable, it is unavoidable. What we have to remember is that it is merely another symptom of a much more serious condition with which our body is trying to cope.
My biggest concern in this connection used to be ‘What happens in the night when my man is staying over? Am I turning the bedroom into a gas station?’ This was bothersome to me for a while, but I have come to realise that this is no romantic novel, this is real life, and we cannot be responsible for what happens when we are not conscious. It still crosses my mind sometimes, but no longer causes me any great concern.

BLADDER WEAKNESS

The amount of water necessary to drink in order to flush ourselves out is of vital importance, but it does lead to constant trips to the bathroom which is especially inconvenient during the night when one is desperate to get to sleep. Leakage or seepage can occur anytime, but with modern panty-liners available this is not too much of a problem. Not for the ladies anyway. However, on occasion our bladders can decide to empty totally of their own volition: when laughing a lot; trying to ‘hold on’ for a nearby convenience; or even when asleep, and this can be devastating. Self-respect goes down the pan and ‘guilt’ moves in. Should this situation occur in public how reassuring it would be to be able to say casually ‘please excuse me a moment, I’ve just wet myself’ and receive the totally disinterested response ‘OK’. But, regrettably, this would rarely be the case, and so it’s up to us to cope with it as best we can. We are scared of ridicule and the loss of dignity, but why should we be? We are human beings involved in a battle for our lives and ultimately the side effects with which we have to deal to this end are of little importance.
We just have to keep reminding ourselves of this. Family and close friends, whilst not perhaps always totally understanding, will accept us as we are. As for those who don’t, they will perhaps ‘learn’ one day; and meantime do they really matter to us? We have enough on our plates without fretting about what the rest of the world may think. This is not the ‘rest of the world’. This is our world – and it’s different.
If you take my advice you will dribble, leak and wet with easy conscience – for if the body so dictates then you have absolutely no choice in the matter. Just clean up and carry on without giving the matter a second thought.
The above mentioned issues are not something we like to broadcast, but when accidents happen – as they will do – there really is no need for us to hide our heads in shame. Rather, hold our heads high, avoid the baked beans; and if anyone is unkind enough to make us feel uncomfortable either by word or gesture then a gentle reminder that it could always happen to them should make them stop and think.
The social niceties to which we have been conditioned are all very well in their place but they have to be abandoned to a degree when we are fighting this battle. We have no need to feel shame or guilt about anything, we have enough to cope with already. None of these things are our fault, and they are not under our control.
No one warns us of the little humiliations which lie ahead; no one talks about these things; no one prepares us, and this can lead to feelings of isolation. But we are not alone. Never forget there are many of us facing these difficulties and sometimes just knowing there are others in the world with similar hiccups can be a great comfort.


4


OTHER ADVERSE EFFECTS





MOUTH ULCERS

An absolute menace, but generally only troublesome during chemo.
As I have none of my own teeth it was wonderful to be able to take
the false ones out when I was alone, but there is also a down-side to
this. The jaw obviously shrinks with loss of weight and very recently,
shortly after my humiliating after-TAC experience, I was paying for
some purchases in Palma’s largest international store when my teeth
suddenly decided to take flight over the counter and land at the feet
of the very startled assistant who was serving me.
The looks on the faces of the witnesses to this somewhat startling incident kept me giggling for the remainder of the day.

APPETITE LOSS

Over time with the loss of appetite, I assume the stomach shrinks. Consequently, whilst of the utmost importance to eat well, it is at times a real effort to actually get food down. For these occasions I keep in a stock of supplies like jellies, ice-cream, bananas etc. which I find easy to manage.
With regard to what to eat, and what not to, I received no guidelines from my specialist and was told to ‘eat what you like’. In no time I had developed a sickening aversion to foods I had loved for years – mushrooms; chocolate, red wine even. The body, as in pregnancy, obviously knows what it needs or doesn’t need at certain points in time, and doesn’t hesitate to pass on the information.
When I have eaten anything very strong (i.e. mince with garlic/ onions or pungent fish) I have noticed an offensive smell permeating my navel. Whilst this frustrates me, I can only continue to poke about with finger and flannel until I am off the drugs, when I hope this will
finally cease to happen.
When the body is emitting its own aromas it can be hard work trying to smell nice all the time!

MUSCLE WASTAGE

Having been a regular visitor to my local gym for some years, the absence of working-out has dramatically added to the muscle wastage problem particularly in the arms, legs and buttocks. From being a well-toned, extremely fit individual, I now boast chicken-leg arms, cellulitic thighs and a droopy bottom! I try to encourage muscle development with light exercise at home via weights and treadmill, but it’s a very slow process and when my body has had enough, it lets me know all too quickly. The occasional aches and pains in my muscles, due to the Interferon, don’t help, and so my getting back into toned condition is going to be a matter of patience. I refuse to acknowledge my age may have something to do with this!

BALANCE AND DISORIENTATION

Having seen people of advanced years hesitatingly manoeuvring wet pavements, and fiercely gripping handrails to steady themselves when tackling steps, I now find myself in the same position. Having taken a bad fall recently I am particularly vigilant in this regard. At least it
happened whilst I was taking the trash out so I was well hidden by the dustbins.
Balance, which was never my strong point seems to have abandoned me but the odd dizzy spells which overtake from time to time are very brief and don’t cause much concern. They soon pass. Disorientation is much more disturbing resulting, as it does, in my being unable to register where I am, or why I am there. This has happened to me twice whilst I’ve been in the supermarket and I must have looked a complete idiot as I wandered around with glazed expression trying to find the elevator I kept passing. But this happens rarely and is, I think, my body and mind just packing-up when I’ve perhaps been overdoing things and burnt up too much precious energy.

HANDS AND FEET

Slippery fingers, due to either cramping or loss of grip, are very irritating and most days find me at some stage grovelling about under cupboards and furniture to retrieve a wandering bottle-top or spoon.
The burning feet which plagued me initially still pose a problem when I have been on them too much; but the biggest aggro has been caused by my nails. Fingernails now grow well, although break easily, but my toe nails (some of which I lost completely) have taken to growing into the toes; the right big toenail even trying to infiltrate its neighbour. They began doing this very surreptitiously so that I wouldn’t notice until they had securely positioned themselves under the skin. I have given up on the normal chiropodist (who can’t possibly see or feel how deeply they have embedded themselves) and have taken to digging-out and dabbing-on the TCP. Eventually this may lead to a quick trip under local anaesthetic, but not until I’ve persisted a little longer. At least I can stop messing with them when I have had enough and the perspiration starts running down my brow. Should you be experiencing nail problems, do keep a vigilant eye out and you may be able to halt any of their wanderings.
As with my other extremities the hands and feet get very cold; but unlike bosom or buttocks this is easily remedied by a pair of woolly socks or fingerless gloves – the latter introduced, and given to me, by Sharon in Australia. Wonderful in the house (the gloves I mean) as long as one remembers to remove them before washing-up.

NAUSEA, NOSE BLEEDS AND EYES

None of the following are permanent conditions and consequently need give rise to little concern.
Nausea is nowadays much more under control and initial spells of nausea and vomiting should soon pass.
Nose-bleeds can occur from time to time, but again these soon pass.
Eyes: a deterioration of the eyesight can occur which can be quite frightening, but this is very temporary condition and will revert to normal usually once off the chemo. Watery or dry eyes can be a painful source of annoyance, but they too rectify themselves.

BRAIN

Although always subject to the odd digression, my brain now wanders off at will and goes on regular walk-about. In the middle of conversations I can suddenly find myself blanking out and losing concentration; and whilst sometimes knowing what I want to say, I cannot always recall the words to express myself. A typical example recently was referring to our prime minister as ‘thingy’… I’m sure he would have been greatly flattered by this!
My long-term memory is fine, but short-term is absolutely hopeless, to the extent of walking out of my clinic on more than one occasion without settling my bill;