Zodiac's toy - John Jones (bill gates best books txt) 📗

won't dump him even though she knows she really wants to".

"I think I remember something about him. Carl, is it? Just dump him and find someone new".

"Thanks Ray," Mandy said, sarcastically. "No-one's told me that before".

"Wise advice from the sage that is Ray," put in Vanessa.

"That reminds me," said Sandie, "I forgave my mum and dad for not giving me any of Grandad’s money, and I’m so glad I did. I took the advice of that card from the zodiac Oracle when we went the fair and it turned out wonderful".

"Same here," said Vanessa.

"Mine came true as well..." said Leanne. Ray put his hands to his head.

"No. No more talk of the bloody zodiac...everywhere I go I'm reminded of star-signs, horoscopes...I saw a Lion the other day and some kid called it Leo".

"A Lion?" said Mandy.

"My boss cuts his wrist and says the blood drops are the Sagittarius constellation, and bloody, other things...my mate Vic had a crab on his chest..."

"Ohh, tell them what happened to him," said Caroline. Ray sighed.

"He shot himself in the hospital," he said quietly.

"No way!" said Leanne, the others looking wide-eyed at Ray.

"He caught every cancer".

"That's impossible," said Vanessa. Ray just shrugged.

"I can't explain it. And the nurse, she saw it and just let us go..."

"Really?" said Mandy. "Let me guess. Lee brought the gun in".

"Well..."

"Of course he did," said Vanessa, "Doesn't surprise me that Lee's into weapons. I'm guessing he's probably got loads more".

"Someone like that makes enemies though," said Caroline.

"Ye, so I'm always being reminded of the zodiac, and..."

"There's got to be something in it," put in Leanne.

"It's all got to be coincidences," Ray said, looking hopefully around the girls for agreement. He got it mostly.

"Yes," put in Caroline. "I can't take it seriously. It's just a series of coincidences..."

"Well," said Mandy, "there might be something in it".

"Yes," said Sandie, "I never gave it much thought before, but well, science can't answer everything, can it?"

"No," said Vanessa, "but it's more likely to have a scientific explanation. I think I agree with Ray".

"So do I," said Leanne.

"and me," said Caroline.

"What else could it be?" Ray said.

"Exactly," said Vanessa.

"Came to chill out and watch a bit of telly," Ray added as he turned and headed back to the patio doors.

"Oi!" said Caroline, "I still want my photographer".

When Ray had gone back inside, Sandie said:

"What did it say on your card Mandy? Has your, er, what's the word I'm looking for? prophecy, come true?"

"I can't remember most of it, but there's one line I do remember. It said: Do not be a doormat".

"There you go," Sandie said, "are you girls still sceptical?" Caroline, Mandy, Vanessa and Leanne all said nothing but sipped their drinks.

 

Ray made himself a tea, noticing things that were not there before. Vegan foods, flavoured waters in the fridge. He knew it was Wayne. Even if he wanted to stop him moving in, he felt he couldn't. It seemed to be too late, but deep down, deep in the embedded neurons in the middle of his brain, he was accepting it. It was fine. Caroline was happy, in love, and although the picture his mind conjured of the man she would eventually marry was the exact opposite of him, her happiness was all that really mattered when it came down to brass tacks.

His acceptance was slowly taking over the fact that perhaps he wasn't so much 'losing' her, as letting her go. Maybe they might even move away to another part of the country, or abroad. That would be harder to accept, but accept it he knew he must. She was forming her own family. She had the husband, and the house, and maybe soon the addition of tiny feet, because with Wayne being two years younger, they were fast approaching forty, both of them knowing that they didn't want to be pensioners while their children were in school. 'Aww...is that your grandchild?', 'er...nope'.

If she was to get pregnant, that would push her further away, and Ray would feel like a spare part then. Looking in at her family, as he didn't have one of his own. All he had was Shane and Lee, and alcohol and cigarettes, and no respect from anybody whatsoever, except perhaps from Shane, or Lee, but neither of them had the mental structure to appreciate Ray. They were too wrapped up in their own lives to feel much for anyone else. If asked they would say Ray was a 'good mate', and that's about it.

Wrapped around those neurons deep in Ray's brain, there was the notion of jealousy. Caroline was getting on with her life. A marriage just around the corner, the rest of her life seemingly mapped out.

What about me? Ray would say. What have I got to show for anything? Two mates. One junkie whose head is always in the clouds and another who thinks he's a gangster. At least the drink and cigarettes will always be my friend. Even though that comfort is superficial, temporary. Yet, eventually, could be all consuming. Ray was nowhere near to becoming an alcoholic, or a chain-smoker, but he had the means, the equipment, and a brain that enjoyed them both, a brain, which if tipped in that direction, could send him spiraling down into the depths of addiction where he would be a slave to it. It would rule him, and when it demanded more, it got more. He knew he could easily become an addict, but was midway between being teetotal and an alcoholic, unlike Shane, whose brain demanded more. Cannabis. Cocaine. Alcohol. Nicotine. When one was satiated another took its place. 'Feed me feed me feed me...' his brain said most of the time, and when all of his addictions were satisfied, it was only a short window of time before his brain started flashing the red light. 'I want I want I want, and I want it now'.

Ray tried, and failed most of the time to smoke and drink in moderation. He'd been banned by Caroline from smoking in the house. If he wants to do that he would have to go in the garden no matter what the weather.

When Caroline was in conversation, not just with her friends, talk would usually come round to '...and how's your Ray?'.

What came into her mind, and what came out of her mouth were not the same. Her mind said:

'Same old Ray never changes. Still lazing around with his mates, smoking and drinking and collecting his dole. Going nowhere, just drifting', but her mouth would say: 'He's doing well, still enjoying his job and being with his friends'.

The jealousy inside Ray's mind would vary occasionally, and he would get to thinking of Caroline and how 'satisfied' she was with her lot in life so far, and he would feel low and humble, not depressed but sensitive to what he hadn't got. It was similar for Shelley. She seemed content in university, happily getting on with life.

Ray had only ever had four 'potential' relationships. Two of them came to the conclusion that he was a 'fucking loser'. One gave up on him and started dating somebody else. The other thought he couldn't bring much to a relationship and would have been embarrassed to show him to her friends.

'This is Ray. He's not all that attractive. He's on the dole. He's lazy. His mates are criminals and drug-takers, oh what a catch. Please girls no fighting over him…’

 

He was lying on the couch when the patio doors opened and he heard voices. He attempted to sit up and rest his arm on the side but it was too late. He lay back down as Mandy appeared. Caroline and her friends walked through the living room into the hallway, smiling and acknowledging Ray and saying good-bye. Ray just nodded and smiled sheepishly.

Caroline said her farewells and came back in and looked down at him.

"Quite comfy there? make yourself at home".

"Well, I suppose I am home," he said as his phone beeped for a text. It was Ambroses.

"I've got to be in work in an hour," he said. Caroline nodded.

"Fancy a cuppa," she asked.

"Don't mind if I do," Ray said, handing her his empty cup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 28

 

When Ray was at work, he heard gossip and rumours that the other local supermarket had closed because of scorpions. He chose not to say anything and tried to think of anything but, so with his stolen bag of drinks, he made his way reluctantly back to the flat, where he found Chimp, Harry and three customer strangers. He put the bag on the kitchen counter and Chimp appeared over his shoulder.

"Beer," he said. "Nah, don't want that". He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water and began gulping away.

"Water, gotta have water".

"Honestly, you're a bloody fish Chimp," said a stranger taking a small bottle of whisky from Ray's bag and opening it.

"We all need water," he said as he downed the whole bottle.

 

Later on that evening, Ray was sat on the end of the couch. The stranger and Harry were out in the small hallway doing business. Cocaine and Cannabis. Customers were rather frequent. Up the stairs they would come. Tap-tap-tap on the door and get their fix. Some of the customers Harry and Chimp knew, so were invited in, and all the drinks Ray had stolen were drank that evening. None of it by him. At one point there were eight people in his flat. All strangers except for perhaps Harry and Chimp. All talking loudly, laughing, drinking, smoking, snorting cocaine.

They made enough noise for Gary, sat at his desk in the flat opposite, to look up and frown.

"...yes, the other kids have all got the latest gaming machines, and my Layton needs to keep up or he'll get skitted, so if you could just..." said the young mother sat on the couch in Gary's office-flat.

"Excuse me," he said, getting up and heading out into the hallway, to find another customer, a gaunt, scruffy individual appear at the top of the stairs and head to Ray's flat.

“Are you Chimp?” he asked, and didn’t wait for an answer before he pulled out of his pocket several twenty-pound notes. “Gerrus three grams of coke”. Gary simply pointed to Ray’s flat.

The man headed there, and as he did, looked beyond Gary into his flat where he saw two widescreen televisions on the floor against the wall. Ray's door was ajar, and the man went in. There was loud talking and laughter, and what sounded like things being bumped into.

Gary sighed and nodded, then turned and headed back into the living room.

"..ye...so if you could.."

"Okay," Gary sighed, "that's fine". He opened the safe behind the desk and counted out five hundred pounds and handed it to her.

"Where do you live?" he asked, even though she had written it down. She gestured behind her.

"Just by the train station".

A young mother with five hundred pounds in cash, in an area where junkies are seemingly increasing due to a source opening up in the flat opposite, his conscience could do nothing else but tell him to offer her a lift.

"Can I give you a lift back?" The girl nodded, and they left to the sound of laughter and 'thumping'.

 

When Gary returned, there were three bikes in the foyer, and the talking and laughing seemed louder.

He entered Ray’s and walked through the strangers smoking and drinking, seemingly not noticing him, and sought out Chimp who was sat on the other end of the couch to Ray who was sitting there almost frozen, staring at the television even though he couldn't hear it. Chimp was laughing and joking with Harry and another stranger.

Gary beckoned him.

"Come here," he said, and Chimp stood up. They both left and walked out into the corridor. Gary walked further down towards Lee and Shane’s flats. He stopped and pointed at Ray's.

"What the