Love Among the Chickens<br />A Story of the Haps and Mishaps on an English Chicken Farm by P. G. Wodehouse (ebook reader with android os .txt) 📗

The Best Man (to crowd of perfect strangers, with whom in some mysterious way he has managed to strike up a warm friendship). Now, then, you men, stand by. Wait till they come out, then blaze away. Good handful first shot. That's what you want.

The Cook (in the area, to Jane). Oh, I do 'ope they won't miss that train, don't you? Oh, here they come. Oh, don't Miss Phyllis—Mrs. Garnet—look—well, there. And I can remember her a little slip of a girl only so high, and she used to come to my kitchen, and she used to say, "Mrs. Minchley," she used to say—it seems only yesterday—"Mrs. Minchley, I want—"

[Left reminiscing.

The Bride (as the page boy's gloomy eye[349] catches hers, "smiles as she was wont to smile").

Master Riggetts (with a happy recollection of his latest-read work of fiction—"Sir Rupert of the Hall": Meadowsweet Library—to himself). "Good-by, proud lady. Fare you well. And may you never regret. May—you—nevorrr—regret!"

[Dives passionately into larder, and consoles himself with jam.

The Best Man (to his gang of bravoes). Now, then, you men, bang it in.

[They bang it in.

The Bridegroom (retrieving his hat). Oh—                     [Recollects himself in time.

The Best Man. Oh, shot, sir! Shot, indeed!

[The Bride and Bridegroom enter the carriage amid a storm of rice.

The Best Man (coming to carriage window). Garny, old horse.

The Bridegroom. Well?[350]

The Best Man. Just a moment. Look here, I've got a new idea. The best ever, 'pon my word it is. I'm going to start a duck farm and run it without water. What? You'll miss your train? Oh, no, you won't. There's plenty of time. My theory is, you see, that ducks get thin by taking exercise and swimming about and so on, don't you know, so that, if you kept them on land always, they'd get jolly fat in about half the time—and no trouble and expense. See? What? You bring the missus down there. I'll write you the address. Good-by. Bless you. Good-by, Mrs. Garnet.

The Bride and Bridegroom (simultaneously, with a smile apiece). Good-by.

[They catch the train and live happily ever afterwards.]