When a Southern Woman Rambles... - L. Avery Brown (large screen ebook reader .TXT) 📗

never quite burns away. And aerosol cans ought to have ‘doubles as blow torch’ printed beneath the words ‘super hold’ on their labels. Yes, it would have been terrible!

 

But deep down inside, I knew I didn’t have to worry because apparently God did like their singing so Jesus kept them from harm and I got to eat my scrumptious Sunday breakfast with the knowledge that there was a higher being somewhere out there tapping His toes to a lively version of ‘Nearer My God to Thee’.

Does She Have Any Idea How Crazy She Looks?

A few days ago, after I’d dropped my daughter off at school, I was driving to the local gas station praying that I had enough fuel left in my tank to get me there because something about that bright yellow, low-fuel warning light always sends me into a panic. When I came to the stoplight and could see the gas station to my left I gave a frustrated sigh because I was worried that my car might stop right there. But I reminded myself that patience is a virtue and took a couple of deep breaths as I waited for the signal to change from red to green.

 

I looked to my right and saw a woman sitting in a minivan that was slowly creeping forward, getting ever so close to the car in front of her while she, too, waited for the green light. I laughed to myself, totally forgetting my petrol-woes, and thought of all the times I’d done that very same thing—sneaking up on the car in front of me hoping that the driver would look up in his rearview mirror and be so frightened by the sight of my vehicle he’d accelerate as soon as the light changed just to get away. Only deep inside I knew that the effect was more often than not, the exact opposite because people have done that to me and I’ve intentionally taken my own sweet time to go forward just to prove a point.

 

After watching the woman for a few moments I realized that she wasn’t trying to strong arm the person in the Honda in front of her because she was having a rather animated conversation with someone via a cell phone and was not really paying attention to what was happening. Her car inched forward and then came a quick, startled sort of halt. I can only assume that her internal periphery distance radar (IPDR...you can make anything sound legitimate when you abbreviate the name of it) had gone off and she’d realized that she was 3 inches away from running into the back of the little car ahead of her and slammed her foot onto her brake pedal in the nick of time.

 

I watched as she laughed uproariously and waved her hands around never once stopping her lively discussion. In fact, I imagine her near miss was probably a juicy addition to the conversation. Of course, I can only assume she was talking to someone on her cell phone or maybe she was wearing a Bluetooth earpiece or had some other type of ‘hands free’ gadget because I did not see her actually holding any telecommunications device. Because if she wasn’t talking to someone on her phone, then she must surely gone off the deep end.

 

Which was an altogether valid probability because when the light changed and her vehicle finally made it through the intersection, I noticed seven little white stick-figure decals stuck to the back window denoting how many people were in her family. According to the sticker, she was married and had 2 daughters, 2 sons and one dog. And considering that she was still driving an official ‘I’ve got at least one child under the age of 14’ vehicle, I knew the odds were good that she was probably a little more than frazzled so maybe she was talking to herself. But even though I knew she probably had every right to be chatting it up with the air around her, I couldn’t keep myself from thinking, ‘does she have any idea how crazy she looks?’

 

I didn’t think much of that brief 45 second snippit of my life until this morning when I went to my computer and started thinking about what I’d write today for my blog. And like always, I did what I do before I do anything...I double clicked the internet icon and read the news. Then I typed in the words ‘this day in history’ in the search engine and got my daily dose of the historical low-down. Yes, I’m one of those weird history people that gets all giddy when they realize that this day is, as all days are, historically significant in some way.

 

There’s just something about reading the ‘born on this day’ section that always makes me wonder what the world would be like if Miss So’n’so had never been born. And cruising through the ‘died on this day’ notices instantly draws my mind to consider what other things Mr. Whatzhisname could have done if only he’d lived a little bit longer. I’m sure you’ve done that on occasion too or am I a just a little off center?

 

Then I get to the real meat of the historical matter and check out the ‘history changing events’. I always get a kick out of learning or recalling something really big that happened on a particular day. It’s kind of like I can touch that moment in time. And just as I consider how the world would be different if someone hadn’t been born or had died at a different time, I wonder what the world would be like if a particular event hadn’t happened? Think of all those ‘big’ moments in history that you had to learn about when you were a kid or that have taken place in your own lifetime and imagine a world where they never happened. Sort of boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

 

Once I’d procrastinated for what I felt to be a sufficient amount of time, I clicked the Word icon on my desktop and stared at what is essentially a blank canvas waiting for me to draw a story on it with my words whether I am writing for my blog or working on something else. And when it comes to my blog, most of the time I have ideas swimming around in my head for hours and can’t wait to sit down and start typing away.

 

But there are some days when I simply cannot wrap my head around anything that motivates me enough to devote the two or three hours it takes me to write, edit, and post something that I feel I'd like others to read.

 

Today was one of those days. I stared at the blank page and realized that nothing was floating around in my brain which can be so frustrating. Then I found myself talking to the expanse of white and feeling discouraged because it didn’t reply. There I sat, expecting my computer to tell me what I wanted to hear when it dawned on me that if one of my neighbors looked through one of my opened windows and saw me chattering away to absolutely no one they’d think I’d lost my mind.

 

That’s when I chuckled and recalled the other day when I sat at that stop light. I thought of how deluded we must sometimes seem to others. And then I recalled something that’d I’d read just 10 minutes earlier when I was perusing the ‘this day in history’ page.

 

It was one line... “May 8, 1429—Joan of Arc leads the French to victory at Orleans against the British during the 100 Years War’

 

That was it. Just one quick line about what became a defining moment in history. And it was all because of one young girl who led an army based solely upon her undying convictions that she’d been told to do so by God. Two years later she’d been captured by the Burgundians, sold to the English and was burned at the stake after having been accused of, tried for and convicted of committing of heresy and witchery because of her claim that she’d talked with God and refused to recant (and she also wore men’s clothing...which was actually against the law back then)

 

If she’d said that it was all a lie or that ‘the devil made her do it’ then more than likely they’d have tortured the poor girl (even more) but odds are likely that they might not have executed her. Personally, I think it’s quite interesting that it was perfectly alright back then to admit that you’d conversed with Satan because you could be punished and forgiven (alright so sometimes they still executed you but it was by beheading or hanging...both of which I’m sure are a wee might less painful than being burned alive) and in the end everything would be back in balance.

 

In 1429 the notion that a poor peasant girl, whose piety preceded her, could literally hear the word of God or angels or any Heavenly embodiment was absolutely impossible even though much of the Christian faith is based upon many such events. No...she had to either be crazy (but she seemed fairly sane to her accusers) or she was lying because they could not fathom the notion that if God wanted to talk to someone surely He’d not have picked some teenage country girl when He could have had a one on one with the Pope.

 

And using their logic, the local laws, as well as the very strict laws of the Church, which had clear punishments for what was often a rather fuzzy area, she was convicted and executed. (But many years later she was later named a martyr, then beatified and then many, many years later she was officially named a saint)

 

However, if Joan of Arc was alive today we wouldn’t burn her at the stake for stating and standing by what she truly believed happened. No. We’d give her lots of medicine and try to convince her that what she’d thought had happened, hadn’t and that it was all ‘in her head’. And that makes me wonder just how far we’ve really come in nearly 600 years.

 

I’ve no idea who that woman was talking to the other day in her car but I do know that I’ll think twice before I jump to say, ‘does she have any idea how crazy she looks?’ because we all look, act, and sound crazy or irrational to someone at some point in our lives. And we’ve all had moments where we’ve called out to a higher being for guidance. Does that make us crazy? No...it makes us human. And I don’t know about you...but I’m good with human, flaws and all.

 

Besides who am I to say who has or hasn’t spoken to God? But I can guarantee you, if He ever decides to dial my cell phone number that’s one call I will NOT let go to my voicemail.