Malignant Self Love - Samuel Vaknin (i wanna iguana read aloud .TXT) 📗

habits. He IS

his habits and, therefore, by definition, can only rarely and with an

incredible amount of exertion, change them. And, in the long-term, he

is incapable of living because life is a struggle TOWARDS, a striving,

a drive AT something. In other words: life is change. He who cannot

change is not really alive.

 

“Malignant Self-Love - Narcissism Revisited” was written under extreme

conditions of duress. It was composed in jail as I was trying to

understand what had hit me. My nine years old marriage dissolved, my

finances were in a shocking condition, my family estranged, my

reputation ruined, my personal freedom severely curtailed. Slowly, the

realisation that it was all my fault, that I was sick and needed help

penetrated the decades old defences that I erected around me. This book

is the documentation of a road of self-discovery. It was a painful

process, which led to nowhere. I am no different - and no healthier -

today than I was when I wrote this book. My disorder is here to stay,

the prognosis is poor and alarming.

 

The narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet forced to remain behind

the scenes. The scenes take centre stage, instead. The narcissist does

not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to his reputation, the

narcissist does not “love” himself in any true sense of this loaded

word.

 

He feeds off other people, who hurl back at him an image that he

projects to them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect,

to admire, to applaud, to detest - in a word, to assure him that he

exists.

 

Otherwise, they have no right to tax his time, energy, or emotions - so

he feels.

 

To borrow Freud’s trilateral model, the narcissist’s Ego is weak,

disorganised and lacks clear boundaries. Many of the Ego functions are

projected. The Superego is sadistic and punishing. The Id is

unrestrained.

 

Primary Objects in the narcissist’s childhood were badly idealised and

internalised.

 

His object relations are distraught and destroyed.

 

The first chapters offer a detailed, first hand account of what it is

like to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It offers new

insights and an organised methodological framework using a new

psychodynamic language. It is intended for professionals.

 

The first part of the book is more accessible. It comprises 99

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) regarding narcissism and personality

disorders. The posting of “Malignant Self-Love - Narcissism Revisited”

on the Web has elicited a flood of excited, sad and heart rending

responses, mostly from victims of narcissists but also from people

suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is a true

picture of the resulting correspondence with them.

 

This book is heavy reading. It is not intended to please or to

entertain. NPD is a pernicious, vile and tortuous disease, which

affects not only the narcissist. It infects and forever changes people

who are in daily contact with the narcissist. In other words: it is

contagious. It is my contention that narcissism is the mental epidemic

of the twentieth century, a plague to be fought by all means.

 

This book is my contribution to minimising the damages of this disorder.

 

Sam Vaknin

 

Malignant

 

Self Love

 

Narcissism Revisited

 

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder

 

A Primer on Narcissism

 

Narcissism (n. sing.)

 

A pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and

obsession with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the

egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance and

ambition.

 

Narcissism is named after the ancient Greek myth of Narcissus, a

handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph

Echo. In punishment of his cruelty, he was doomed to fall in love with

his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his

autoerotic love, he pined away and changed into the flower that bears

his name to this very day.

 

What is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?

 

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has been recognised as a

separate mental health disorder in the third edition of the Diagnostic

and Statistics Manual (DSM) in 1980. Its diagnostic criteria and their

interpretation have undergone a major revision in the DSM-III-R [1987]

and were substantially revamped in the DSM-IV-TR in 2000. The European

ICD-10 basically contains identical language.

 

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need

for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by

early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the

following criteria must be met:

 

_ Feels grandiose and self-importance (e.g., exaggerates

achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be

recognised as superior without commensurate achievements);

 

_ Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome

power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist),

bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal,

everlasting, all-conquering love or passion;

 

_ Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special,

can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate

with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);

 

_ Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and

affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious

(Narcissistic Supply);

 

_ Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favourable

priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or

her expectations;

 

_ Is “interpersonally exploitative”, i.e., uses others to achieve

his or her own ends;

 

_ Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or

acknowledge the feelings and needs of others;

 

_ Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the

same about him or her;

 

_ Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage

when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.

 

The language in the criteria above is based on or summarised from:

 

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of

Mental Disorders: DSM-IV-TR, Washington [2000]

 

Vaknin, Sam. Malignant Self-Love - Narcissism Revisited. Revised ed.

Prague and Skopje, Narcissus Publications [1999, 2001, 2003]

 

More Data About Pathological Narcissists

 

_ Most narcissists (75%) are men.

 

_ NPD (=the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is one of a

“family” of personality disorders (formerly known as “Cluster B”).

Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD.

 

_ NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders

(“co-morbidity”) - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless

behaviours (“dual diagnosis”).

 

_ NPD is new [1980] mental health category in the Diagnostic and

Statistics Manual (DSM).

 

_ There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what

there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic,

genetic, or professional predilection to NPD.

 

_ It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer

from NPD.

 

_ Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud.

Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Millon,

Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare.

 

_ The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early

adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma

inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers.

 

_ There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the

mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder.

 

_ Narcissists are either “cerebral” (derive their Narcissistic

Supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or “somatic”

(derive their Narcissistic Supply from their physique, exercise,

physical or sexual prowess and “conquests”).

 

_ Narcissists are either “classic” - see definition below - or

they are “compensatory”, or “inverted” - see definitions in FAQ 49: The

Inverted Narcissist.

 

_ NPD is treated by talk therapy (psychodynamic or

cognitive-behavioural). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor,

though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment.

Medication is applied to side effects and behaviours (such as mood or

affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success.

 

Bibliography

 

1. Alford, C. Fred. Narcissism: Socrates, the Frankfurt School and

Psychoanalytic Theory. New Haven and London, Yale University Press, 1988

 

2. Devereux, George. Basic Problems of Ethno-Psychiatry.

University of Chicago Press, 1980

 

3. Fairbairn, W. R. D. An Object Relations Theory of the

Personality. New York, Basic Books, 1954

 

4. Freud S. Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality [1905].

Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud.

Vol. 7. London, Hogarth Press, 1964

 

5. Freud, S. On Narcissism. Standard Ed. Vol. 14, pp. 73-107

 

6. Goldman, Howard H. (Ed.). Review of General Psychiatry. 4th Ed.

London, Prentice Hall International, 1995

 

7. Golomb, Elan. Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of

Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self. Quill, 1995

 

8. Greenberg, Jay R. and Mitchell, Stephen A. Object Relations in

Psychoanalytic Theory. Cambridge, Mass., Harvard University Press, 1983

 

9. Grunberger, Bela. Narcissism: Psychoanalytic Essays. New York,

International Universities Press, 1979

 

10. Guntrip, Harry. Personality Structure and Human Interaction.

New York, International Universities Press, 1961

 

11. Horowitz M. J. Sliding Meanings: A Defence against Threat in

Narcissistic Personalities. International Journal of Psychoanalytic

Psychotherapy, 1975; 4:167

 

12. Horovitz M. J. Stress Response Syndromes: PTSD, Grief and

Adjustment Disorders. 3rd Ed. New York, NY University Press, 1998

 

13. Jacobson, Edith. The Self and the Object World. New York,

International Universities Press, 1964

 

14. Jung, C.G. Collected Works. G. Adler, M. Fordham and H. Read

(Eds.). 21 volumes. Princeton University Press, 1960-1983

 

15. Kernberg O. Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism.

New York, Jason Aronson, 1975

 

16. Klein, Melanie. The Writings of Melanie Klein. Roger

Money-Kyrle (Ed.). 4 Vols. New York, Free Press, 1964-75

 

17. Kohut H. The Chicago Institute Lectures 1972-1976. Marian and

Paul Tolpin (Eds.). Analytic Press, 1998

 

18. Kohut M. The Analysis of the Self. New York, International

Universities Press, 1971

 

19. Lasch, Christopher. The Culture of Narcissism. New York, Warner

Books, 1979

 

20. Levine, J. D., and Weiss, Rona H. The Dynamics and Treatment of

Alcoholism. Jason Aronson, 1994

 

21. Lowen, Alexander. Narcissism: Denial of the True Self.

Touchstone Books, 1997

 

22. Millon, Theodore (and Roger D. Davis, contributor). Disorders

of Personality: DSM-IV and Beyond. 2nd ed. New York, John Wiley and

Sons, 1995

 

23. Millon, Theodore. Personality Disorders in Modern Life. New

York, John Wiley and Sons, 2000

 

24. Riso, Don Richard. Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for

Self-Discovery. Boston: Houghton Mifflin 1987

 

25. Roningstam, Elsa F. (Ed.). Disorders of Narcissism: Diagnostic,

Clinical, and Empirical Implications. American Psychiatric Press, 1998

 

26. Rothstein, Arnold. The Narcissistic Pursuit of Reflection. 2nd

revised Ed. New York, International Universities Press, 1984

 

27. Schwartz, Lester. Narcissistic Personality Disorders - A

Clinical Discussion. Journal of American Psychoanalytic Association -

22 [1974]: 292-305

 

28. Salant-Schwartz, Nathan. Narcissism and Character

Transformation. Inner City Books, 1985 - pp. 90-91

 

29. Stern, Daniel. The Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View

from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology. New York, Basic

Books, 1985

 

30. Vaknin, Sam. Malignant Self-Love - Narcissism Revisited. Skopje

and Prague, Narcissus Publications, 1999, 2001, 2003

 

31. Zweig, Paul. The Heresy of Self-Love: A Study of Subversive

Individualism. New York, Basic Books, 1968

 

Malignant

 

Self Love

 

Narcissism Revisited

 

Overview

 

This section contains professional terms.

 

For treatment of specific issues go to the

 

Frequently Asked Questions.