The gospel of Itchy Wiggle Christ - Gregory-John McCormick, Ralf Dellhofen (best memoirs of all time txt) 📗

life - i am paralyzed with fear, because i am faced with having to examine what the hell i have accomplished in my short 40 years. or worse, what i have not accomplished. and then there are all the "i wish i could have" shit. faith and begorra, but there are at least half a million things i wish i could have done. but i´ve had no time. i´ve been playing the drunken chemical-laden irish punk-rock singer for the last 20 years. or more? no time or money for the cottage in ireland with goats and horses. i basically counted on these years, the ones i´m stuck in this nazi-land prison for, in which to get my life settled down in ireland, get my wife situation settled, start on the kids. what a kick in the balls this shit is. homer simpson visits the porno-bush. jennifer tilly dives on a woman. let go, let go. i won´t leave, i won´t go, i won´t sleep until you´re lying next to me.

 

it´s the morning. welcome to hell again and again. dirty, filthy, pervert monsters slurping and burping and leering in their black homosexual way. the sun rises, golden light fills the azure sky, but there is only darkness hovering over this place. some shithead talked his girlfriend into killing herself, choking her to death, eventually, the police considered it a suicide, then the shithead went to see some movie about jesus, and suddenly went to the police and admitted to killing his girlfriend. he will spend the rest of his life in prison. yes, yes, yes, this is a wonderful world. more dead in iraq, more dead in detroit. and i could care less - the sick abomination monsters in detroit die, the fine good americans die for "freedom" in iraq. the world can use less of each-type, and a few other types as well. besides, "god is on the side of america" - any good soldiers fighting and dying for america get to go to a beautiful white heaven, licking the nut sack of their jeebus for eternity.

 

there was once a nasty little leprechaun. his name was jack. jack the leprechaun went around spitting on people. he did not like people. after awhile jack was not satisfied enough by spitting on people, so he climbed to the second floor of a hotel in stuttgart, germany, and jack pissed on people walking on the sidewalk below. jack laughed his skinny irish ass off, and kept pissing. when he could not piss on the helpless germans below, jack began to vomit on them. he stuck his tiny leprechaun fingers down his throat and puked and puked down upon the people. he could hardly puke for how hard he was laughing. the people below kept looking up, wondering what was coming down on their heads. this was germany, after all. there was no chance that something so crude and obnoxious as a maliciously vomitting leprechaun could be raining urine and vomit down upon their heads. this made the whole process even funnier to jack. eventually even the puking wasn´t enough, so jack stuck his ass-cheeks out over the window sill and started shitting upon the people below. this was also very funny, and it was quite messy and sickening to the germans. urine and vomit falling from the sky is one thing, and can be perhaps explained as dirty rain or the ejection of a jet aircraft toilet flying overhead, but when little tiny pieces of leprechaun poop starting plopping down on their heads, they took action. the angry germans started to hunt down jack the leprechaun. they never caught him. but all the while this happened, an irish man in a black leather jacket was shoplifting sekt and winebrand across the street. good distraction!

 

apollo, please - you know so much of love - please don´t hurt them. i am the god of nothing, i will be patient no longer. flowers, poppy plants, magic mushrooms, dreams of blankets and red sweaters. i shall love you for time without end. how in the hell does food turn into crap? the answer is simple: the food is crap going in. freddy krueger told me to do it, mommy. my soul is the punching bag of the gods, i hear them laughing. what i feel, what i know, would break your heart. how i know how useless and futile human lives are. see the ants going about their business, human? you self-important human?

 

the ant is no more aware of you than you are of what the gods have planned, or better yet, not planned. they don´t care, and just because some hopped-up philosopher came up with the idea of sentience, it still means nothing. humans are only large stinking self-deceived ants. ants are actually more sensical. ants only kill what they need for food. most ants are vegetarian. ants do not pay money for big macs and whoppers. ants don´t get fat. ants don´t hold the world hostage for oil interests. i wish i were an ant. i wish i could stop being human. i wish all of this would end. yes, i am the god of nothing. i am the god of entropy. feel my wrath.

 

oh creeping jesus, what pains i am enduring. eight days straight of headaches, nausea, pain, hell. judas got the short end of the stick. watching the exorcist on TV, all cut-up and editted for the american audiences, so there´s no FUCK and SHIT words, no tits, no sexual contact or commutations, so it is all safe for good, clean, pure amis to watch. since i know the movie i can fill in all the good stuff on my own: linda blair shoving a crucifix up her pussy. and in my sexually starved mind i wonder how nice it would be if i were shoving a crucifix or some other monstrously large and ungainly object in her crotch, but in this time, not when she was little. she must be my age now anyway. whether or not linda blair would be interested in the monster in my crotch is a matter of conjecture, tho HA HA. t´would be interesting, but it would never happen. i´m too much in love with an equally spooky girl, i doubt she would approve. ja, demons and witches and god failing man. the tired old stories, only reflecting those writer´s feelings who are brave enough to question almighty god. and then there is me, one who knows that god has abandoned man, more specifically me. what is happened and keeps happening to me is pure evil. probably orchestrated by god himself. he allows this to happen to me. he doesn´t want me out in his world fucking linda blair, drinking irish whiskey, no no.

 

this was under regan´s pillow, did you put it there?. she was heavily sedated. pickles, ankles, belly-button piercing. a night, this night, the same as all the rest, just like many many more that are to come. no mail again, and i have gotten to where i hardly give a shit at all. only deep deep deep inside, it hurts like hell that i am forgotten. christ shitting in the desert, but am i alone? chocolate pudding, chocolate ice-cream, chocolate candy bars, and then there is shit, and in my case, lots of blood to go with my chocolate. and stomach pains, bloody vomit, ulcers are back. painting a skeleton with roses, "blumen für dich, meine liebe", but i paint and wonder about the whole LIEBE thing. especially when she does not write to me. i am possessed by a demon and i need an exorcism, i need a high-colonic, i need freedom, i need to be purged of my painful life. church approval is rarely given, no shit, father carras? the church crouches behind pomp and circumstance and arms-length ministrations because it cannot tell people that god does not care about them. they only teach their flock to pray so that maybe when the whip comes down and god decides to start fucking people in the ass, he might not fuck those that prayed to him so hard as he does those that don´t pray. well, i prayed once, long ago. the more i prayed, the worst my life became. god doesn´t care about any of this world. this world is a shameful waste, and if i were god, i would be wholly embarrassed of this mess. free will, my bleeding ass. well, i know some girls, who liked to get me to fuck them in their ass, so maybe that is my way of playing with god. but my version feels better than what god does to me. so, when god fucks me in the ass every day, that makes him a dirty faggot, correct? - goodnight, freaks.

 

and it is morning. SHIT. oh, cute. the amis have decided that they will continue to keep a "significant force" of military robots in my precious germany. as always, without asking the germans if the american soldiers are even wanted there. but i can safely tell you, dear reader, and i assume that most who read this are german, there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. in a distant way, germany is, as a whole, in the same position as i am in, being held captive beyond any choice by american force. how does it feel? happy that your stupid daughters are getting raped voluntarily by monster ami schwarze soldiers? hm?

 

hey kids, rock´n roll, rock on. you fucking hippy. i watched this silly movie the other night called "a night at the roxbury". altho it is not the greatest piece of cinematic artwork ever made, it had some songs in it that were these "dance-disco"? songs i used to hear in germany all the time when i was sitting around in cheesy kneipes or especially in turkish imbiss shops, this "baby don´t hurt me" kind of shit that seems so popular in germany and europe in general. it was sort of depressing but comforting in a way, even tho i hate that music, the memory of what or where i was when i incessantly heard that music brings back good memories. when i mention stupid german girls, i don´t mean to preclude the not-so-stupid german girls who are forcibly raped against their will by ami schwarze jungle poodle soldiers, i know that happens plenty. not to mention the prostitutes who take money to get raped by schwarzes. it´s a cause of deep rage for me, and for others, many others, i know in germany. i hope that the german people will do all they can to stop the schwarzes-raping innocent german girls.

 

ah, an american is being held hostage in iraq, ha ha! i hope that the nice ami is enjoying the finest of iraqi hospitality, perhaps drinking his own urine for lack of water.perhaps amis will think twice about invading countries now? no, they will not. amis never learn and they will continue to overrun the world with their special form of nazi world domination. yoo-hoo! let´s get a big mac!

 

ah, michael jackson raping little boys. another ami schwarze, altho that sick queer tries to hide the fact. while that piece of shit michael jackson is getting his nose cut off his face to hide his african roots, the doctor should go south with his scalpel and cut off that sick schwarze queer´s dick and nuts. that is, if that piece of shit still has a dick and nuts. well, he is raping the little kids with something. if i could choose, i would have that monster killed outright. one of the biggest problems with this world is that people are afraid to admit what the real problems are, and even more afraid to do anything about the problems. pieces of shit like michael jackson should be executed and all child molesters should be snuffed out completely. any monster that rapes any other person should be immediately executed. no exceptions ever. of