South Wind(Fiscle Part-3) - Norman Douglas (ebook e reader .TXT) 📗
- Author: Norman Douglas
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Whole Existence Was A Tangle Of Shady And Ignoble Transactions--That He
Looked Like A Fraud, And Behaved Like One. He Couldn't Help His Face;
But His Face, They Soon Discovered, Was Not The Only, Or Even The Most,
Evasive And Fugitive Part Of His Personality.
At Last Nicaragua, Even Nicaragua, Got Too Hot For Him.
There Was Don Pomponio Di Vergara Y Puyarola, Nicaraguan Minister Of
Finance; One Might Come To Terms With A Man Of That Kind. It Was
Arranged Between Them That His Excellency, Who Had A Large Family And
Many Poor Dependents, Should Take Over Mr. Parker's Landed Interests;
Being A Native Of The Place He Might Succeed In Squeezing A Little
Something Out Of Them. In Exchange For This Concession An Unobtrusive
Government Job Was Specially Created For Mr. Parker. He Was Appointed
Financial Commissioner For South-Eastern Europe, To Reside At Nepenthe
Or Wherever Else He Pleased--Unpaid; The Exalted Social Status Conferred
By Such A Post Being Deemed Ample Compensation. His Sole Duty Consisted
Of Submitting A Short Annual Report, A Pure Formality, To His
Government.
He Departed, But Not Alone. With Him Went His Familiar Spirit, His
Guardian Angel, His Lady, His Step-Sister--A Dusky Dame Of Barn-Like
Proportions. Arrived At Nepenthe They Rented A Small Villa, Rather Out
Of The Way, Which They Called The Residency. The Change Of Climate Did
Them Good. So Did The Appointment. He Was Now A Person Of
Consequence--The Sole Representative Of A Foreign Power On The Island.
His Official Rank Procured Him Not Only Dignity And A New Start In Life
But, What Was Still More Urgent, Credit. It Brought Him Into Contact
With The Local Authorities--With The Red-Haired Rachitic Judge, For
Instance, Between Whom And Mr. Parker There Sprang Up An Intimacy Which
Was Viewed With Vague Forebodings. The Lady, Being A Catholic--Mr.
Parker, Too, Was Suspected Of Roman Proclivities--Was Confessed By The
Parish Priest. That Was A Point Gained; The Parroco Being Above
Suspicioin, Among Foreigners At Least. She Stayed Mostly Indoors,
Inventing Scandals About People And Writing Voluminous Letters To Warn
New-Comers Of The Appalling Immorality Of The Place.
To Outward Appearance The Commissioner And His Lady Agreed Like A Brace
Of Turtle-Doves. He, Too, Was A Moral And Social Reformer. But Men Must
Live. The Refined Social Status Attached To Mr. Parker's Honorary Post
Producing Nothing Tangible In The Way Of Ready Cash, He Began To Cast
About For Some Means Of Livelihood. They Wre Getting Into Debt Once
More. Something Must Be Done, He Declared.
His Portly Presence, Flushed Countenance, Briar Pipe, Knickerbockers
And White Spats Had Already Become A Familiar Object In The Streets Of
The Town, When A Terrible Uproar At The Club--One Of Those Periodical,
Approximately Monthly, Rows At Which The Police, Who Hated Meddling
With Foreigners, Were Reluctantly Compelled To Intervene--Suggested To
Her That Something Might Be Done In That Direction. She Got Him Elected
President For That Year, President For The Next, The Next, And The
Next; In Spite Of The Fact That, According To The Rules, A New
President Had To Be Elected Every Year. Who Cared About Rules? He Was
The Commissioner! People Were Only Too Glad To Have Him There. In Fact,
Like Napoleon, He Became A Sort Of Dictator.
He Was Now In His Element. There Were Emoluments To Be Picked Up
Here--Percentages, Perquisites, And Profits Of All Kinds. He Made A
Little Arrangement With The Club Laundry-Woman To Take In His Own
Washing As Well, Gratis. Under The Threat Of Placing The Club Custom
Elsewhere He Concluded A Number Of Treaties, Each Containing A Secret
Clause Which Referred To Fifteen Per Cent Profit For Himself, With The
Grocer Who Supplied Provisions; And With Other Tradespeople Dealing In
Stationery, Soap, Crockery (Broken Crockery Was A Heavy Item In The
Accounts) And Such--Like Club Necessaries. Next, He Took The Landlord In
Hand. He Would Clear Out, By God, And Take More Respectable Premises If
The Rent Were Not Reduced By Twenty Per Cent! Scandalous! Downright
Robbery! The Landlord Being A Reasonable Sort Of Man, It Was Agreed
That The Old Rate Should Stand In The Contract, While The Balance Of
Twenty Per Cent Found Its Way Into Mr. Parker's Pockets, And Not, As
Theretofore, Into His Own. The Same With The Servants. From The Boy Who
Cleaned The Rooms, And Whom He Changed As Often As Ever Possible, He
Exacted A Monetary Deposit As A Guarantee Of Good Conduct--A Deposit
Which Was Never Returned, Whatever His Behaviour Had Been. Then--The
Subscriptions. For Of Course The Accounts Were Never Audited; Nobody
Bothered About Such Things On Nepenthe, With All That South Wind
Hanging About. If They Had Been He Would Have Squared The Auditor Up To
Any Sum--A Hundred Francs, Almost; It Was Worth While. Pickings, He
Called Hem. The Place, The System Suited Him Down To The Ground. He Had
Lived All His Life On Pickings. He Was A Retail Welsher; He Lacked The
Nerve For Sweeping Enterprises.
On His Accession, The Club Was In Such A State Of Demoralization, Had
Become Such A Public Scandal, That Mr. Parker, In His Capacity Of
Moralist, Would Have Been The First Person To Dissolve That Assembly Of
Topers And Rakes. As Financier, He Meant To Live By It. But How Was The
Place To Be Purified?
Parker's Poison Solved That Problem, Besides Yielding A Fine Slice Of
Additional Revenue. The Hardest Drinkers, The Inveterate Rowdies,
Refused To Believe That It Was Anything But The Ordinary Whisky To
Which They Had Been Accustomed From Childhood; Or Believing, Refused
Out Of Sheer Boastfulness, Or Force Of Habit, To Reduce Their Doses.
While The Moderate Realized The Truth And Acted Accordingly, These
Others Insisted Upon Regarding It As Genuine Scotch--With Inevitable And
Dire Results. They Succumbed. During The First Year Of Freddy Parker's
Reign, Eight Of These Stubborn Sinners Were Carried To Their Graves.
And Year By Year, The Same Causes Being In Action, The Process Of
Betterment Went On. Extremists Dropped Off, Moderates Survived. The
Club Was Purged Of Its Grosser Elements, The Moral Tone Of The
Establishment Was Raised, Through The Operation Of Parker's Poison. It
Was Napoleon's Way With The Paris Parliament, He Once Explained To His
Lady, Who Wondered Vaguely How Long The Hero Himself Would Have
Outlived The Effects Of That Mixture Which She Brewed, With Her Own
Fair Hands, In The Dim Vaults Of The Residency.
Even Now It Was A Pretty Tough Place. New Crooks, Like The Dubious Mr.
Hopkins, New Fire-Eaters, New Cranks, New Sots, Were Always Dropping In
From Different Corners Of The Globe To Spread Their Infection Among The
More Recent Crowd Of Curio-Hunters, Gentlemen Of Commerce, Nautical
Wrecks, Decayed Missionaries, Painters, Authors And Other Vagrant
Riff-Raff Who Frequented The Premises. There Were Rows Going On All The
Time--Insignificant Rows, Mostly About Newspapers And Gambling Debts.
Mr. Samuel Got His Eye Blacked Over A Harmless Game Of Ecarte; Mr.
White, One Of The Steadiest Members, Threatened To Withdraw His
Subscription On Account Of The Black-Beetles; A Swedish Sea-Captain
Smashed Nine Panes Of Glass--Just By Way Of A Friendly Demonstration, He
Said--Because The Great Upsala Journal, The Utan Stafvel, Was Missing
From Its Shelf; A Muscular Japanese Made Himself Distinctly Offensive
About The Nichi-Nichi-Shin-Bum Being Out Of Date, And Was Going To
Twist Everybody's Head Off, If It Occurred Again; The Excellent
Vice-President, Mr. Richards, Tumbled Noisily Downstairs, Nobody Knew
How Or Why--All On A Single Afternoon. The Sirocco Happened To Be
Particularly Trying That Day.
On The Whole, There Was No Denying The Fact That The Club Flourished
Under The Statesman-Like Autocracy Of Mr. Parker. That Was Partly
Because, Unlike Previous Presidents, He Was Generally On The Spot. Some
Great Man Once Made A Remark About The Need Of "The Master's Eye." He
Believed In That Remark. If You Run A Place, Run It Yourself. He Was
Ever-Present, Absorbing At Ogher People's Expense His Own Poison, To
The Effects Of Which He Seemed To Be Immune; And Borrowing Money, On
The Sly, From The Richer And More Forgetful Members. His Uproarious
Joviality, His Echoing Ha! Ha! Became A Feature Of The Place; It
Deceived The Simple, And Amused The Complex. He Was Ready To Talk About
Anything With Anybody Who Shoved Along; He Had A Fund Of Naughty
Tropical Stories For The So-Called Bawdy Section, And Could Be As
Sympathetic And Pious As You Please With A Contrite Youngster Suffering
From Last Night's Debauch.
"A Hair Of The Dog," He Would Suggest With A Genial Wink, Pushing The
Bottle Temptingly Nearer.
The Regulations Had Also Been Improved Under His Auspices. The Entrance
Fee Was Imperceptibly Raised, While The Conditions Of Entry Were
Relaxed. It Was His Lady's Idea Originally. She Made It Clear That The
More Numerous The Members The Greater The Quantity Of Whisky
Consumed--The Greater, Therefore, Their Profits; Quite Apart From The
Possibility Of Additional Subscriptions Being Paid. He Agreed. Then, In
A Sudden Glow Of Commercial Enthusiasm, He Proceeded To Hint That
Ladies Should Also Be Admitted. Regretfully She Put Her Foot Down.
Anywhere Else The Proposal Would Have Been Welcome. It Was Out Of The
Question On Nepenthe.
"You're Forgetting That Wilberforce Woman," She Said. "She Would Have
To Be Carried Home Every Night. It Couldn't Be Done, Freddy. We Might
As Well Shut Up The Shop At Once. People Would Get Talking About The
Place--You Know How They Talk, As It Is."
Miss Wilberforce Was A Pathetic Local Figure, A Lady By Birth, With A
Ready Tongue, Wiry Limbs, And An Insatiable Craving For Alcohol. She
Would Unavoidably Have Damaged The Reputation Of The Place, To Say
Nothing Of Its Furniture. She Had Gone From Bad To Worse Lately.
"Perhaps You're Right, Lola. It Isn't Worth While For Those Few
Subscriptions. After All, I'm An Englishman. But How About All Those
Russians?" He Added.
"I've Often Told You To Let Them In, Freddy."
"So You Have, Dear! It Was Your Idea Originally. Well, I Must Think It
Over Again."
He Thought It Over And Regretfully Came To The Conclusion That It Could
Not Be Done. Russians Were Not People Of The Right Kind. They Were Not
Honest.
"Russians Are Too Artistic To Be Honest," He Declared.
It Was A Bon Mot Which He Had Picked Up, Long Ago, From Madame
Steynlin, In The Days When The Lady Looked With Disfavour On The
Muscovite Colony. That Lutheran Period Was Over For The Present: She
Was Orthodox So Far As Sentiments Were Concerned. Nothing Could Be Good
Enough For The Russians, Just Then. An Acquaintance With Peter, One Of
The Handsomest Of The Whole Batch Of Religious Enthusiasts, Had Brought
About Her Psychological Conversion And Altered Her Outlook Upon Life.
Her Heart Was In The Urals. But That Stupid, Malicious Epigram Had
Impressed Itself On The Mind Of Mr. Parker, Who Was Hopelessly
Insensitive To The Flaxen Curls Of Peter.
"No," He Decided. "They Are Not Honest. We Must Draw The Line
Somewhere, Lola. I Draw It At Russians. At Least I Think We Ought To.
But I'll Think It Over Again."
That Was Foolish Of Him, She Opined. For The Muscovites Would Probably
Have Paid Their Accounts As Regularly As Other Members; And As To Their
Capacity For Raising The Club Revenues By The Destruction Of
Alcohol--Why, Many People Had Said Unkind Things About Them, And Yet
Nobody Had Gone So Far As To Accuse Them Of Being Unable To Stow It
Away In Proper Christian Style. No Wonder. Because There Was Nothing
Whatever In Their Bible, The Golden Book Of The Divinely Inspired
Bazhakuloff, To Prohibit Or Even Limit The Consumption Of Strong
Waters. In The Matter Of Dietary He Had Only Bidden Them Refrain Fro
The Flesh Of Warm-Blooded Beasts.
Mr. Parker Was Always Thinking Things Over And Coming To The Wrong
Conclusion. It Was Foolish Of Him.
She Knew Him Too Well To Say Anything More For The Moment. She Would
Have To Bide Her Time Because Freddy, Of Whom She Had Made An
Exhaustive Study, Was A Wobbler, And Worse Than A Wobbler. He Was
Stubborn At The Wrong Season And Difficult To Manage. He Needed Careful
Motherly Guidance. All Fools, She Reflected, Were Subject To Meteoric
Gleams Of Common Sense. He Was No Exception To That Rule. But Whereas
They Received Such Flashes With Thankfulness, He Persisted In Regarding
Them As Inspirations Of The Devil. That Was The Tragedy Of Freddy
Parker. It Made Him Into Something Quinessential--A Kind Of Super-Fool.
. . .
Mr. Keith Enquired:
"You Don't Want To Become A Member Of This Institution, Do You,
Bishop?"
The Other Pondered Awhile.
"I Am Pretty Democratic," He Replied. "We Have Some Warm Places In
Africa, You Know, And I Never Allowed Myself To Be Beaten By Them.
Perhaps I Might Be Of Use To Some Of Those Poor Fellows In There. But I
Like To Do Things Properly. It Would Entail At First A Little Friendly
Drinking, I'm Afraid, In Order To Gain Their Confidence. It Is Not In
My Character To Do One Thing And Preach Another. I Cannot Pose As An
Abstainer After The Way I Enjoyed Your Luncheon. But The Smell
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