Solid Gold Cowboy - Maisey Yates (read ebook pdf .TXT) 📗

“Usually. You don’t have to...”

“I don’t sleep, remember?”

“Right. Well. If you don’t mind...”

“I don’t. I’m going to earn my keep. I’m not just going to let you give money to me because you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t just feel sorry for you.” He sighed. “Dylan is not gone.”

“Dylan’s not gone?”

“No. He was at the house when I went there.”

“Oh... Shit.”

“Yeah. So, he knows that I know where you are. But he doesn’t know where you are.”

“I’m just not ready. But that’s the problem. I wasn’t ready when I needed to be. Because you are right. I shouldn’t have let it get to the day.”

“I understand what you did. It’s complicated.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Extremely complicated.”

They had lunch after that, and it felt disturbingly domestic from Laz’s point of view. But then he had to get down to the bar to open, and he welcomed the distraction. There had been some pretty heavy drama down at the bar recently anyway. The Daniels family had provided him with enough entertainment to last him a good while. And he told himself that he didn’t want to miss anything.

Not that he was afraid of what might happen if he was alone with Jordan for too long.

CHAPTER FOUR

THE PROBLEM WITH cooking and cleaning was that it made her mind wander. Not just wander, but go down paths that she preferred not to walk on. Turning over possibilities and ideas, and different things that she had spent a long time rejecting.

But it was what Laz had said about people helping her. About how she had other people in her life who cared.

And when she thought about it, she knew that it was true. She and Lars—who she knew most of the customers referred to as Grumpy Chef—had a decent relationship at Sugar Cup. He was another of the part owners, and she knew that he would do anything for her if she told him that she needed it. Because the reality was, even though his demeanor was gruff, he was a very nice man. And then there were Katrina and Susie, who also worked there. And while Jordan might never have made best friends with them—they were young, in their early twenties—they were sweet. And they didn’t hate her or anything. But she’d somehow decided that it was...safe to lean on Dylan’s family. And not safe to really lean on anyone else. And that line of thinking led her back to her parents. Straight to trailer parks and addiction and the kind of sadness she just didn’t like to... Didn’t like to excavate. She had always wondered why they were like that. And why she hadn’t been enough to fix it. She hadn’t gotten kicked out because she was rebellious. She had gotten kicked out because she’d gotten rid of their heroin. She did think sometimes that she was lucky they hadn’t killed her. At least her dad. He’d lost it.

She’d been thrown out, but she also had to run away. And she could still remember her dad’s last screaming rant at her. That she thought she was better than she was. That this was in her blood and she would never escape it. That she couldn’t just run away to the suburbs and be different.

And maybe that was the problem. Dylan’s family had represented something so much more than just Dylan alone. They were normal. A deeply normal suburban family, and when she’d first started dating him she’d been terrified that he was going to...reject her when he knew just how messed up her family was. He hadn’t, though. And his parents had been kind enough to let her live with them. She had her own bedroom—because they were not about to have the two of them sleeping in the same room.

She and Dylan had moved out when they were twenty, and gotten their little house off the main part of Gold Valley. And then for the past twelve years they’d...coasted. That was all. Neither of them had really made a solid move toward commitment. They’d taken forever at it. And then in the end she’d been the one to balk. But she’d waited too long. And she had to wonder if they were actually just both victims of their own apathy more than anything else.

She hadn’t known what other life to live, so she hadn’t pursued it. And it had been largely motivated by fear. Yeah. She was just so afraid of what was on the other side of that life that she had actually found that was so comfortable. Because secretly... Secretly she was sort of convinced that it was Dylan that kept her away from that future that her father had promised she would find.

She didn’t really believe that. Her parents had made their choices. They couldn’t simply blame genetics. No matter how convenient that might be for them. They had to take responsibility for their actions. The same as she had to own the fact that her life had turned out good in part because of herself. It wasn’t just because of Dylan. But there was a part of her that...

She sighed. It was one thirty in the morning. That was normal for her. She had decided to go ahead and make Laz a hamburger when he came home. So she had everything prepared, but she didn’t want to start it too early.

Not that he couldn’t have had a hamburger at the bar. Maybe you wouldn’t want the same kind of thing he could have had there at home.

She stood there questioning herself until she saw headlights.

They always met in this space. In these strange hours. When her mind started to fray and she was desperate to avoid sleep.

She blinked.

Was she desperate to avoid sleep? Had she just been avoiding it in Dylan’s bed?

And dreams.

The dreams that she found so disturbing.

Of a different life. Completely different. She swallowed hard.

She heard heavy footsteps outside, and then the front door opened. “You want a hamburger?” she asked.

“Hello