Embracing Today, a firefighter romance: (The Trading Yesterday Series, #3) - Kahlen Aymes (old books to read .TXT) 📗

“If your crew is already gone, how will you get out there?”

“I’ll have to drive or meet up with another crew that’s called. I don’t know.” He was getting more and more agitated the more I kept begging, so I decided to stop.

“I’m going to run into the house for a minute,” I murmured, releasing my hold on his arm. “I’ll be right back.”

“Marin,” Ben began, putting a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

“I just have to use the bathroom.” I stood, knowing I was going to break out crying and didn’t want the others to know. I effectively broke the close contact between us as I hurried to get away. I felt like an iron curtain had slammed down between us. It was as if he didn’t care how I felt and I knew he would end up going despite what I wanted.

Was this how my entire life would be if we stayed together? Worrying constantly, day and night? As I hurried toward the house, I felt as if there was a gaping hole in my chest that grew with every step away from Ben. How would I get through the rest of this weekend?

Gemmy followed at my heels and up the stairs onto the porch. I was out of sight of the people around the fire, so I bent to pick up the sweet little dog and held her close. I buried my face in her soft fur as a small sob broke from my chest. I gasped and rushed through the door into the house and straight to the couch where I dropped down and continued to cry. I would allow myself just a few minutes of sorrow because I couldn’t help it, and because maybe it would give me the release that I needed to suck it up for the rest of the evening. Gemmy looked at me helplessly, then began to lap at the tears on my cheek. I held her tighter and turned my face into her as tears continued to roll down my face.

“Marin?”

Missy’s voice snapped my eyes open and lifted my head away from Gem’s soft neck. I set Gem down on my lap and quickly wiped at my eyes with one hand. I sniffed.

There was no way I’d be able to hide that I’d been crying.

“Are you okay?” Missy stepped into the living room and sat down on the sofa next to me.

“I don’t think so.” I couldn’t control the tremor in my voice and my face crumpled. I closed my eyes and a new wave of tears squeezed out. “There’s a fire and I know Ben will end up going.”

“I saw the sky and I wondered about it. He keeps checking his phone. But…” Missy’s tone was perplexed. “It’s his job. We’ll understand if he has to go.”

I nodded. “You’re right.” How could I explain my terror without making Ben’s sister think I was psychotic? “It’s just I’m afraid for him.” Gem had jumped down from my lap and curled up on top of the dog bed I placed for her near the fireplace, her soulful eyes watching me. I curled my arms and hands to my chest and looked away from Missy, hoping to hide my apprehension.

Recognition dawned on Ben’s sister’s face. “Oh, Marin! I am so insensitive. I should have realized.” Her arm snaked around my shoulders as she scooted closer. “Ben is a professional. He’s never been hurt, not even once,” she reassured.

I nodded, but a shiver ran through me. “My uncle used to say there is a first time for everything.”

Missy hugged me tighter. “He sounds like a character.” It was clear she was trying to comfort me. “But can I just put it in perspective? I know it sounds like I’m making light of it, but any of us could die at any moment. No one knows how long we have. We can’t shut out people we love because we’re afraid of losing them. Then you miss out on love.”

What she said was true, but she wasn’t aware of my nightmares. I’d seen Carter die, and my mind had seen Ben die in the same way. I felt so weak and immature but there was nothing I could do to quell my fear.

“Jensen gets on a plane every week, I fly twice a month minimum, and Chase plays soccer all over the world. Do you think either Teagan or I could stand it if we let it eat us alive?”

The logical part of my mind knew she was right. But heading into an inferno seemed so much more dangerous than getting on a plane. A building fire was one thing, but a forest fire was like a box of matches waiting to strike around him. “I know you’re right. Ben thinks I doubt him, but that’s not it.”

“I know you’re just worried. I can see how much he means to you. I’ll try to talk him out of going, but if he does, we’re all here to keep you company and the time will fly by and he’ll be back safe and sound, you’ll see.”

“Okay,” I nodded. Missy patted my hand and stood up. “Come on. The kids will be missing us.”

“Congratulations on your baby, Missy. Ben told me you’ve been trying.” I hugged her.

She nodded. “Yes. I was afraid we weren’t going to get pregnant. I’m so happy.”

“Well, Jensen is over the moon. I’m so happy for you.”

She thanked me with a genuine smile and then left the house to return to the campfire.

I followed suit but first went into the bathroom to wash my face. I didn’t want it to look all pinched and red. I wanted to support Ben, but as I stood there staring at my own reflection, I silently prayed he would stay at the ranch and that fire would be contained without him.

When I approached the small group, Remi and Dylan both ran forward