Girl, 11 by Amy Clarke (grave mercy TXT) 📗

survived. So many women have written in since we aired her episode about the abuse and controlling behavior she endured at his hand. They all tell a similar story: how TCK found them when they were at their most vulnerable, made them believe he was in love with them, and then dug his claws in—not letting go until their confidence was shredded. That episode also inspired his almost-fiancée, Loretta, to tell her story on the podcast last week. I remain incredibly grateful to these women for coming forward and reliving some of the worst moments in their lives.

I have also shared what it was like in that final standoff, facing the man who destroyed so many lives. I have made sure you all know the names of the detectives who helped rescue Natalie. Without investigators accessing Leo’s files, we never would have known where to look for TCK. Without Sam Hyde finding Luisa Toca, we would have been too late to save Natalie. I’m glad to report he is out of the hospital and recovering well. And without Ayaan’s careful shooting, there is no doubt in my mind that both Natalie and I would be dead.

But one thing I have not done, which several of you have asked about, is say the killer’s real name. And I never will. I will get to that in a minute.

Over the past few weeks, I have been grateful for your notes of encouragement and support. I have been grateful that most of you have respected the privacy of my friend and her daughter, and the Jordan family, as they work their way through the trauma. I spoke to Sash yesterday, and she agreed to be recorded for this podcast.

Sash:

I just wanted to let everyone know that Natalie is doing well. This kid is stronger than I ever could have hoped, and she has taken to her physical and psychological therapy without complaint. I want to thank everyone for the money you raised so that I could take an extended leave of absence to be with her and pay the medical bills. And I understand you put together a funeral fund for Amanda Jordan’s family—that’s amazing. Elle, the community you created around this podcast is something special, and we are incredibly grateful.

Elle:

Does Natalie have anything she wanted to say?

Sash:

Yes, she recorded a message on my phone.

Elle:

Okay, go ahead.

[SOUND BREAK: A click, then a shuffle as a recorder is set down.]

Sash:

Do you have anything you want Elle to play on her podcast?

Natalie:

Um, yeah. Don’t give him attention.

Sash:

What do you mean?

Natalie:

Just that he would want everyone to be talking about him, and I don’t think you should. He killed a bunch of people who never got to be famous for anything other than being dead. I don’t think he should get the attention because he did that to them.

Elle voice-over:

When I was investigating these kidnapping cases, we thought for a time that the person who had done this was copying TCK’s methods. We thought he was inspired to do so by this podcast. And while we now know that isn’t true, I realize that I have not been completely honest with myself here. I have strayed from my mission of focusing on the victims of crime and bringing them justice. I never intended to make another podcast that glorified the lives and minds of serial killers, but I can see now that in some ways, I did that with this case.

That is why I have decided to take down this season of Justice Delayed. All the episodes covering TCK have been removed, but my back catalog will remain, and I will leave this final episode up so that new listeners will know why I’ve made this decision. I have to be honest, it hasn’t been a popular one with my podcast network or our advertisers, but—with all due respect to them—I don’t care.

Natalie is right. The man we knew as the Countdown Killer wanted nothing more than to have every one of you looking into his background, holding up the terrible things we’ve uncovered about his childhood and jilted romance as some evidence for why he was the way he was. He wanted to control the narrative around himself. I’m sure he would have loved for you to dissect his every thought and motivation. So, I’m not going to give him what he wants, and I hope you won’t either.

Don’t share every moment of his life on your blogs and Reddit posts. Don’t delve into the gruesome way he controlled and murdered girls, the unverifiable theories about what he may have done in the twenty years between his triad killings. Don’t give him the satisfaction of a legacy, even if it is the worst kind of legacy a person can have. Talk instead about the lives he stole, the futures of the women he wiped out before they could make a name for themselves on this planet. Talk about Amanda Jordan and the impact she had in her eleven short years. Focus on the girls whose lives he ended, not the pitiful life he used as a reason for doing so.

Now that this season is officially concluded, I’ll be going on a brief hiatus as I look for a new case where I can focus on the people who are waiting for justice—the victims, their families, their loved ones. That’s what this podcast is all about, and yes, it will continue. I’ll keep searching for answers for people who have been forgotten and ignored. I’ll keep hunting the monsters that got away. And with your help, I will keep bringing them to justice.

Acknowledgments

Writing a novel is a solitary act, but bringing it into the world cannot be done alone.

I’m beyond grateful for my agent, Sharon Pelletier, whose brilliant editorial notes made this manuscript stronger. You are the best advocate and champion I could ask for—I’m glad you’re in my corner. Lauren Abramo, my indomitable foreign rights agent, worked with countless coagents and book