One of Ours - Willa Cather (great book club books .TXT) 📗

slaughter. But I’ve been thinking; I have some old friends at A⁠⸺. Suppose we go on there a day early, and get them to take us in? It’s a fine old place, and I ought to go to see them. The son was a fellow student of mine at the Conservatoire. He was killed the second winter of the war. I used to go up there for the holidays with him; I would like to see his mother and sister again. You’ve no objection?”

Claude did not answer at once. He lay squinting off at the beech trees, without moving. “You always avoid that subject with me, don’t you?” he said presently.

“What subject?”

“Oh, anything to do with the Conservatoire, or your profession.”

“I haven’t any profession at present. I’ll never go back to the violin.”

“You mean you couldn’t make up for the time you’ll lose?”

Gerhardt settled his back against a rock and got out his pipe. “That would be difficult; but other things would be harder. I’ve lost much more than time.”

“Couldn’t you have got exemption, one way or another?”

“I might have. My friends wanted to take it up and make a test case of me. But I couldn’t stand for it. I didn’t feel I was a good enough violinist to admit that I wasn’t a man. I often wish I had been in Paris that summer when the war broke out; then I would have gone into the French army on the first impulse, with the other students, and it would have been better.”

David paused and sat puffing at his pipe. Just then a soft movement stirred the brakes on the hillside. A little barefoot girl stood there, looking about. She had heard voices, but at first did not see the uniforms that blended with the yellow and brown of the wood. Then she saw the sun shining on two heads; one square, and amber in colour⁠—the other reddish bronze, long and narrow. She took their friendliness for granted and came down the hill, stopping now and again to pick up shiny horse chestnuts and pop them into a sack she was dragging. David called to her and asked her whether the nuts were good to eat.

“Oh, non!” she exclaimed, her face expressing the liveliest terror, “pour les cochons!” These inexperienced Americans might eat almost anything. The boys laughed and gave her some pennies, “pour les cochons aussi.” She stole about the edge of the wood, stirring among the leaves for nuts, and watching the two soldiers.

Gerhardt knocked out his pipe and began to fill it again. “I went home to see my mother in May, of 1914. I wasn’t here when the war broke out. The Conservatoire closed at once, so I arranged a concert tour in the States that winter, and did very well. That was before all the little Russians went over, and the field wasn’t so crowded. I had a second season, and that went well. But I was getting more nervous all the time; I was only half there.” He smoked thoughtfully, sitting with folded arms, as if he were going over a succession of events or states of feeling. “When my number was drawn, I reported to see what I could do about getting out; I took a look at the other fellows who were trying to squirm, and chucked it. I’ve never been sorry. Not long afterward, my violin was smashed, and my career seemed to go along with it.”

Claude asked him what he meant.

“While I was at Camp Dix, I had to play at one of the entertainments. My violin, a Stradivarius, was in a vault in New York. I didn’t need it for that concert, any more than I need it at this minute; yet I went to town and brought it out. I was taking it up from the station in a military car, and a drunken taxi driver ran into us. I wasn’t hurt, but the violin, lying across my knees, was smashed into a thousand pieces. I didn’t know what it meant then; but since, I’ve seen so many beautiful old things smashed⁠ ⁠… I’ve become a fatalist.”

Claude watched his brooding head against the grey flint rock.

“You ought to have kept out of the whole thing. Any army man would say so.”

David’s head went back against the boulder, and he threw one of the chestnuts lightly into the air. “Oh, one violinist more or less doesn’t matter! But who is ever going back to anything? That’s what I want to know!”

Claude felt guilty; as if David must have guessed what apostasy had been going on in his own mind this afternoon. “You don’t believe we are going to get out of this war what we went in for, do you?” he asked suddenly.

“Absolutely not,” the other replied with cool indifference.

“Then I certainly don’t see what you’re here for!”

“Because in 1917 I was twenty-four years old, and able to bear arms. The war was put up to our generation. I don’t know what for; the sins of our fathers, probably. Certainly not to make the world safe for Democracy, or any rhetoric of that sort. When I was doing stretcher work, I had to tell myself over and over that nothing would come of it, but that it had to be. Sometimes, though, I think something must.⁠ ⁠… Nothing we expect, but something unforeseen.” He paused and shut his eyes. “You remember in the old mythology tales how, when the sons of the gods were born, the mothers always died in agony? Maybe it’s only Semêle I’m thinking of. At any rate, I’ve sometimes wondered whether the young men of our time had to die to bring a new idea into the world⁠ ⁠… something Olympian. I’d like to know. I think I shall know. Since I’ve been over here this time, I’ve come to believe in immortality. Do you?”

Claude was confused by this quiet question. “I hardly know. I’ve never been able to make up