The Girl Who Dared to Think by Bella Forrest (best novels of all time TXT) 📗

do about it. On the one hand, I wanted nothing more than to start planning a way out of here. If I could just get some of Roark’s medication, I could get up to the Medica and... figure out some way to get it to her.

Yet even as I thought of it, waves of guilt washed over me. Cali had opened her home to us, even let me talk to Mercury. She was doing everything she could think of to help me, and I had no desire to put her and everyone else at risk—the thought of it alone was repulsive. But so was the idea of letting Zoe continue like this, one step away from the glass cell and poison gas.

Deeply conflicted, I continued to lash back toward Sanctum.

I didn’t say much once we got back—but I wasn’t really in the mood to talk. I headed straight for the bathroom. The hard edges of panic and anxiety were starting to slip in between the cracks in my armor, and I felt nausea churning deep in my gut.

It was an impossible choice, I realized—either go and rescue Zoe and risk leading someone back here, or stay here, knowing that at any moment she would drop to one status.

I made it to the bathroom just in time to break down, tears beginning to pour down my cheeks in hot rivers. My breathing came in ragged gasps, and I pulled at the jacket on my torso, trying to get the heavy thing off my shoulders. The stiff material fought me, so much so that it only heightened the rising tides of my panic.

Eventually, I got it off and tossed it over a bench in the locker area. My limbs felt twitchy, like they should be moving, should be doing something. I tried to shake them out, but the more I moved them, the worse it felt—like my skin was too tight and I was a stranger to my own body, to everything.

Oh, God... Zoe. I leaned against the cool tile wall and then slid down it, resting my butt on the floor. Dropping my head into my hands, I began to sob, unable to hold it back anymore. My best friend was going to die. I was going to lose her forever. All because I couldn’t bring myself to risk my new friends in the process of helping her.

I jerked when a hand slid onto my shoulder, and looked up. Tian looked down at me, her eyebrows drawn together over her blue eyes. I immediately started scrubbing my cheeks with the heel of my hand, sniffling hard.

“Tian,” I said, my voice coming out thick and raw. “What are you—?”

“Why are you crying?” the young girl demanded, her eyes sparkling with empathy. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, still very much on the verge of breaking. “No—there’s nothing you can do, Tian.”

“Yes, there is!” Tian said, and I looked up at her blankly, unable to even imagine what she could possibly be talking about. “I can listen.”

I shook my head again. There was no reason for her to know any of this, and I wasn’t going to burden her with my problems. “Tian, it’s really okay. I’m—”

“Worried about your friend,” she finished for me. “I know—her name is Zoe, right? She has a pretty name.”

I almost broke down again. I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t seem to get a grip, but it hurt so much, even just talking about her. “It’s because she’s a pretty person. Just like you—inside and out.”

“Nobody is just like me,” Tian said primly, her little shoulders wriggling up and down. She sat down next to me on the floor and leaned her head onto my shoulder. “But I really want to meet her anyway.”

“I want you to meet her, too,” I whispered, a tear slipping free. I wiped it away, trying hard not to lose it again, and Tian shifted.

“Cali still wants you to wait?”

I nodded. “She’s trying to keep you all safe, and I can understand that.”

“But your friend needs help now?”

I hesitated. “Tian, it’s complicated.”

She gave me a crooked smile, her eyes shining brightly. “You think so? Because I don’t. I think that if your friends need help, you should go help them.”

“But it’s dangerous. I’d be risking six other lives for the sake of one.”

Tian gave me a sad little smile, suddenly looking wise beyond her years. “It’s always dangerous. Even when it’s Cali or Maddox—they are always worried about bringing someone back. But they’re careful. You’re careful. I trust you. So do the rest of us.”

“This is how I break their trust, Tian,” I said. “And what if someone follows me back here?”

“We’ll deal with it. I’ll help.” Tian leaned back into me, and I lifted my arm to let the girl rest against my side, settling it in on her shoulder. “Besides, I like having new friends around—I wish Cali had let more people stay with us long ago.”

I smiled and stroked Tian’s hair, feeling some of the storm clouds ease. Tian’s blanket approval wasn’t the same as getting permission, and it wasn’t even like I was getting approval from a person of authority, but... it helped make me feel better about what I had to do.

Because of course I had to help Zoe. I just had to make sure that I kept the people here as safe as possible in the process.

Hours later, after everyone had said their goodnights, and long after all the lights inside had dimmed to near darkness, I sat up in my hammock and slid out of it, the fabric rustling against my clothes. I looked over at Grey’s hammock, highlighted only by the ambient light, and saw that it remained motionless, his body a still, shapeless lump.

I crept quietly past him, making my footsteps as soft as possible, and quickly grabbed my gear. I knew he’d be mad at me for going without him, but I was already risking too much on this.