The Last Right by Marianne Thamm (my reading book .txt) 📗

I don’t give it much thought, it is a part of me, my life now. When I am alone though, late at night and when I can’t sleep, NF does creep back into my head.

I blame NF for my seriousness. I can’t help that I think like an old man. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. How can I change personality traits that were ingrained into my personality at a young age?

When you are told at a young age that you are different, you don’t quite understand all the medical explanations and implications but you soon understand. When you sit out of a rugby or soccer match at school while you watch your friends enjoy themselves. They look to the side and see you sitting there alone, you stick out. You’re different.

I suppose at that age children are naïve, trusting and not quite sure of the implication of occurrences.

I feel that I have really missed out on the typical life occurrences of younger people. Many people miss out on these things for different reasons. It makes me sad to see these people.

On Making Your Parents Proud

What does it take to make your parents proud?

I don’t think my parents are really “proud” of me. They love me, that is for sure, and I’m grateful for that, but what would it take to make them really proud?

Never made the school team when I was knee-high to a grasshopper, never brought home trophies or medals or excelled in the important things like maths, never went to a traditional family school like my dad or his dad, never went away to some big varsity.

We all die, don’t know when, but no one can escape the grave, so are all these things really important? I think when it comes to making your parents proud they are.

On Love

What is love?

I wonder when you look at the world. Can love be pure, innocent? Can a person feel love for another with unassuming, overwhelming and true love? I think not.

Sometimes, when the weather is perfect, sun out, not too hot or too cold, no wind, but a slight breeze and I am walking, I have no worries or thoughts. It’s great.

On Having Someone Special

Everybody should have somebody they can talk to. Somebody who understands how they function, what makes them tick and how they feel even before they speak, but if you can’t speak, you must feel as if you are going to explode with all the words that are stuck inside you.

I know two men who can’t speak. My friend Alec who was born without the gift of speech and a boy named Sala from the Middle East, who I met in the UK at the Great Ormond Street Hospital. Sala was a regular boy until he drank caustic soda by mistake one day.

It must be terrible for these guys, they must be so frustrated. There are occasions when I feel I cannot talk about the loneliness and pain in my heart as I have no words to express…

I have this picture in my head, this feeling is really I’m old, really old, with nobody to take care of me in my last years. Parents and their generation all long gone. I’m alone, how to cope?

With all who showed an interest or who cared now gone, how will I cope in my later years? Can I last for maybe 40-or-so years with the feeling that I am feeling now?

A smile can mean so much. It can make your day, it can give you this warm feeling inside, you receive the smile without the “giver” even knowing what it means. Is it possible to experience that feeling every day?

Where to find that person that can give you that warm feeling?

On Happiness

Photo albums bring back memories, good and bad. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to freeze time in that instant? To preserve that happiness in a bottle or rewind the bad ones so that you can change the outcome?

Sometimes we catch a glimpse of perfect happiness. Life is worth living in these moments. Moments when you feel all warm inside and at that moment nothing can bring you down. But nothing lasts forever.

But then I suppose you would be playing God, and that is not our job.

6Overcoming Obstacles

CRAIG MADE A PACT with his body and NF. He reckoned if he treated “them” well, if he exercised, ate healthily and looked after himself, he would have some measure of control over the disease.

I go to gym often, it’s better than Prozac. The endorphin high when I’m finished with a weight or cardio session makes me feel better. About life, myself. I forget my problems and am in my own world as I listen to my iPod. Safe, warm, in a nice place.

For about 13 years, between the ages of 10 and 23, Craig achieved a precarious equilibrium. He discovered golf, a game he was good at, even making the Eastern Province Under-15 team for two consecutive years, an accomplishment he was extremely proud of.

Even when he stopped playing serious golf, he continued to enjoy the game on Wednesdays, joining three men who were approaching retirement: a medical doctor, an academic and a businessman.

These men delighted Craig with their banter. He enjoyed their company and sometimes shared some of his thoughts with them.

They’re great guys and make me laugh. I enjoy the game, feel less pressure to perform, unlike I did when I was younger.

After finishing high school Craig completed a marketing diploma and later qualified as a personal-fitness coach. His goal was to open his own fitness centre.

Deep down I wish I could have been a doctor or something. To help people. I suppose as a personal trainer I will also, in a way, be helping people.

But while he was always hard working and diligent and attempted to overcome most of the obstacles that kept appearing in his life, Craig never