Texted Lies, Whispered Truths: Jason Collier's Story by Terri Browning (great novels to read .TXT) 📗

JC: I just wanted to branch out and see what was out there. I could learn more about someone from a dating app vs. going to a bar. One thing you don’t do as a police officer is go out to a bar or drink within the city you work in. Mostly because you don’t want the citizens to see you like that. They lose respect for you. Plus, with COVID, there really weren’t any bars to go to since they were all closed. The dating apps were more available and easier to use. Also, if you were getting red flags, you could block them and just be done with them.

LD: Did you get a rush out of seeing multiple women at once? Was that your original intention when you started this, to see how many you could date and not get caught?

JC: No, not really. It was actually pretty tough. I was working full time and, at some point, going to college. I don’t remember getting a rush. I might have talked to several at once, but the meetings were spaced out.

No, it wasn’t my intention at all. I never wanted to get caught. I was just wanting to get attention. If I found someone I connected with, maybe that would spark me to leave O. I was looking to see what options I had out there.

There was one woman I found, and if things had worked out for us, I might have actually left O for her. I was just that into and that attracted to her. But this all blew up before things could progress to that possibility.

LD: Did you have a game plan or exit strategies in your head if something went wrong and you got caught?

JC: Not specifically. But if something came up, I would just think on the fly and do my best to get out of that situation. But no planned-out exit strategy. If something started rubbing me the wrong way, I would just back away and tell them I wasn’t ready for a relationship.

LD: You mention in the book going to Stephanie’s a day early because you thought she was possibly seeing someone else. You were seeing or talking to other women—why did it bother you if she was?

JC: At first, we had a really good connection, and I thought maybe this might go somewhere if I gave it a little more of a chance. There were some red flags, but at the beginning, I was able to throw the flags into the back of my mind. But she would—and so would her kids—talk about the other guys she dated before me. She talked about her ex before me all the time. When he found out we were together, he told her he was in love with her. So, I decided to sneak up there to see if she was playing me.

LD: The text messages you sent were very encouraging of the feelings they were expressing to you. Why did you send the types of texts you did to these women?

JC: If I found one I liked and we had a connection, it goes back to the earlier question, could it be my way to separate? I regret what I did and that I hurt anyone. If I got them emotionally involved, then it would be easier if they were the one and they were already attached to me. I made mistakes and bad decisions that hurt others, and I hate that. Looking back, that is not the man I am or who I want to be. And it’s not the man I want my son to grow up to be. Even other men, maybe they can learn from my mistakes and not have to go through what I’m going through. I strayed from God and sought earthly flesh instead of His guidance. Not that He is punishing me, but this is where I am because of my choices.

LD: When did you have time and the means to do all of this and still have the energy to be a father, husband, and police officer?

JC: It was honestly tough. Looking back on it, I have no idea how I did it. It was a lot of physical hours and emotional time invested. I was working twelve hours a day, trying to keep up with being a father and husband. I failed at all of it. I failed as a father, husband, and chief of police. I let them all down.

Energy-wise, I don’t know where it was coming from. I think I’m paying for it now. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. The Devil had a foothold in my life, and when the Devil gets in, he can turn it all upside down.

LD: How did you keep them from finding your personal social media pages—for instance, your Facebook page?

JC: Prior to starting all of the sites, I went into my Facebook, changed my profile, and made it private. I would tell them it was deactivated or that I didn’t go on it. I would tell them that because I was chief, everyone wanted to be your friend, and I just couldn’t have it out there.

LD: If you had the chance to talk to these women again, what would you say to them?

JC: First off, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the emotional hurt I caused them and that I know they went into everything with me for a relationship. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know they don’t have to forgive me, but I’m truly sorry. I hope for the best for them and hope they move on and find a happy relationship.

LD: If O showed up at your door tomorrow, saying she was ready to give you another chance, would you take it?

JC: I’m on the fence. Like I said, I love her. I have seen the woman she became, coming from the lifestyle we were in, seeing her mature, seeing her grow