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I wish I could make it even more special given what you told me.”

I reached for his hand and squeezed. His boyish grin turned soft and loving.

“It's perfect,” he said after opening the package. He turned the soft black leather journal over in his hands before opening the front cover.

“I'm glad you like it. It's not much. But when you said something about needing journals, I remembered seeing this. I had to get it for you.”

“I love it. It's what I always wanted, but never found.”

Chapter 13

Christmas morning was quiet. We stayed in bed until 10. It was so nice to just cuddle and relax. No alarms beeping, trying to arouse us from slumber. Just the sound of the heater kicking on. I mean it was Christmas in Kentucky.

I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and Colin made some coffee.

“Smells delicious.” Colin nuzzled my neck from behind as I got out plates.

“Thank you. Old family recipe, you know.” I winked and pointed to the packaging on the counter.

“I'm sure it's amazing. So when do we open presents?” He seemed particularly excited about that aspect. He almost seemed like a kid who was sure he was going to get that bike or gaming console. I kind of loved it.

“Well, we could wait until after rolls are done and we've had breakfast.” Colin’s face drooped, like the mere thought of having to wait was going to cause him physical pain.

“Or…” I began. And he lifted his head at that single word, like a lifeline to a drowning person.

“Yeah. Or?”

“Or we open presents tonight.” The look on his face. Oh goodness. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. “I'm kidding! We can open gifts now if you'd like?” I was glad I hadn't taken a sip of coffee because I would've spit it right out. Colin's face brightened and he grabbed my hand and damn near dragged me into the living room.

Once I was sitting on the couch, he bounded to the tree like a rabbit.

“You’re not excited, are ya?” I was laughing and practically snorting.

Gosh do I love this man!

“Well, ya, but it’s cuz I can’t wait ‘til you open your gift,” he came back to the couch handing me a small gift bag. I took it and waited.

“Oh, you want me to open it now? You don’t want yours so we can open at the same time?”

“Ok, that works!” He made it to the tree and back in four steps. He sat down next to me on the edge, almost falling off the couch.

“Ok, on three we open together!” The excitement radiated from him.

“Deal.”

“One, two, three!” He ripped the wrapping off like a crazed animal tearing into food. I opened the bag and pulled out the little black coin box. I was more interested in his reaction to the black and silver dog tags I got him than in what he got me.

Laughter was the last reaction I imagined getting, but that is exactly what Colin was doing: laughing. Not little gentle laughing, but like body shaking laughter.

“What? What’s so funny?” I was getting nervous by the second.

“Open your box,” he said, beaming.

I flipped open the coin box and I began laughing too. Inside was a set of black and silver dog tags.

“I guess great minds think alike?” I laughed and shook my head.

“Absolutely. I love you, Joleene,” he said, kissing me with a smile on his face.

He put my tags on me while I put his on him and we both laughed more. We spent the rest of the morning enjoying the cinnamon rolls and coffee and every so often one or both of us would break out in laughter.

Later that evening we met up with Layla, Isaac, and Dale at the bar. I showed Layla my Christmas present and she just howled. She attempted to talk but couldn’t catch her breath long enough. Colin showed Isaac who only howled louder.

“Definitely the best Christmas I have ever had,” I said loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Here, here!” everyone responded as they raised their glasses.

Chapter 14

Before we knew it, the deployment window was upon us. I had no idea there was an actual time frame for a unit to head out. I just thought they all just left in one ginormous group.

“No, there is no way that could happen. We need to get in, go in stages. Otherwise we're a target, not to mention logistically speaking, moving that many soldiers, plus all the equipment and supplies...we need to go in stages.” Colin explained one night after dinner.

“Yeah, that does make sense. That would be a nightmare to deal with.”

Finally, the day came, Colin drove us to the company in his Jeep with all his gear stored in the back. The silence was almost deafening. For the first time since our first date, neither of us could find a way out of the awkward situation.

I have no idea what to say. How the hell do other wives do this once, let alone multiple times? This is torture. I hate this. I don't want to say goodbye.

My musing was interrupted by Bon Jovi. Of course, the song would come on. Now timing sucks. And yet kind of poetic.

Colin reached to turn it off, then thought better of it and only turned it down.

“I never realized how much I hated goodbye ‘til now. It truly sucks,” Colin stated matter of factly.

“Yeah, it really does,” was my only response.

“It sounds so final. I mean, good-bye. It's like the verbal act of slamming the door on someone. Good-bye. So final.”

“Wow. Never saw it that way, but you're right. It does remind me of slamming shut a door. But what else could we say? I mean, we can't not say anything.”

We

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