The Wave by Kristen Crusoe (ebook reader online txt) 📗

rest of the room was open space. Except for the walls, which were covered with photographs, posters, and diplomas. Bachelor of Arts, Florida State University. Master of Arts in Theater, Columbia University. PhD Philosophy, Columbia University.

‘I’m pregnant,’ she had blurted out, continuing to stand in the doorway. She had held her hands over her lower abdomen.

He had stopped in his movement to sit down on one of the chairs. Standing back up, he had walked over to her, gently guiding her inside and shutting the door leading to the hallway.

‘Come in, Clair. Please,’ he had said. ‘Sit down.’

She had walked over to the chairs, sitting on the edge of one. Adam had sat across from her. He had leaned over, taking her hands, icy, the bones small, fragile. He had held them, massaging the tender flesh between her thumb and index finger. She had drawn away, folding her arms around herself.

He had sat back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other.

‘Are you saying that it is mine?’ he had asked, his head tilted to one side.

‘Yes, it is your baby, of course it is. And I’m going to have it. We can have this baby together. We can be a family.’

‘I barely know you. You don’t know me. I tried but you didn’t want anything to do with me after our night together. That is not a family,’ he had said.

‘We’ll learn. I know you felt what I felt. It’s just our ages, and our roles here on campus. We are more discreet than others might be. But now, we can be open, share our story. Make a family.’

‘I don’t want it,’ he had said simply, his hands folded in his lap. ‘You can get an abortion, can’t you? Isn’t that the most logical thing to do? I’m old, Clair, and you’re old too – to have a baby. It will change everything.’

‘I’m healthy, and not too old. I saw a doctor. Everything is fine. I’ll be fine and so will this baby. I won’t abort. I’m having this baby, Adam, even if I have to do it without you.’

‘Well, you’ll have to do it that way then. I’m just not interested in being a father. Never have been. If you bring a paternity suit, I’ll help with child support, but really, Clair, you won’t need it. You make enough money and if this is your choice, then you should pay for it. I’m not trying to be rude here, just realistic. I shouldn’t have to pay for what was a single night of pleasure. You’re responsible too.’

Clair had stood, pulling her coat tightly around her slender frame. He had tried not to but couldn’t stop his eyes moving to her belly, looking for the telltale bump.

‘All right, if that is how you want it to be,’ she had said. ‘I won’t ask you for any support, you’re right. I won’t need it and I really don’t want you to feel obligated. If you want to have any sort of relationship with your child, it needs to come from your heart – not any legal relationship.’

He had stood, uncertain what to do. His hands had pushed deeply into his pockets, fingers curling around loose coins, keys, and bits of torn paper.

‘I’m pretty sure you’ll regret this,’ she had said to him, turning to look back as she walked towards his door.

* * *

Over the next few months, as her belly grew and people began talking, it was generally accepted that he was the father. He would interrupt gossip sessions in the faculty lounge, and catch curious glances from faculty and students. He had gone to her office one afternoon, as the summer sun cast shadows along the cobbled sidewalk outside her window. Students, eager for summer break, had been scampering over the quad, a square field of grass and sculptures.

‘I made a mistake,’ he had said, standing in the doorway. ‘I do want to be a part of this. Can you forgive me my stupidity? I don’t know what I was thinking – well, I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting. Seeing you, here, with my child growing inside, I want to be with you and him, or her. Do we know?’

‘No, I don’t know. And, Adam, there is no “we”,’ she had countered. ‘You can’t just walk in and suddenly become a father. Things take time. I need time to think about this. About what it will mean. I think you’re just doing this because you’re embarrassed. Peer pressure has gotten to you. Your image of the great man on campus has been distorted.’

‘You’re somewhat right,’ he had said, a sheepish look on his face. ‘I know people are talking and that they remember that night, how we were together. And even though we never really dated – do people our age do that? – well, this is a rumor mill. Everyone knows everyone else’s stuff and loves to deconstruct every action into finite bits and pieces of intention and consequence. But, Clair, it’s really just me seeing you. You’re beautiful. You carry yourself like some queen. I’ve never seen you shine so brightly. Your beauty and strength amaze me. I just want to be a part of your life and our life together.’

He had walked over and lain a hand on her belly. She had let him. It had felt like that first morning after.

‘What exactly are you asking, Adam?’

He had dropped down to one knee, rested one hand on her belly, the other on his heart. She had laughed out loud.

‘Dr Clair Mercer, esteemed math professor, cellist, and mother-to-be, will you marry me, your ever humble and devoted Adam?’

If only, oh God, he anguished, rubbing his eyes with his hands, if only she had said no. But she hadn’t and they had found happiness, even after Devon’s shattering diagnosis. I must get her back, he cried, lowering his head to the steering wheel. I will get her back, he promised himself, sitting up, starting the car,