After the One by Cass Lester (novels for students .txt) 📗

am I?’ She turned to look at Charley, wounded bewilderment showing in her eyes.

‘You’re not an idiot, at all, Pam. Why on earth would you suspect him after, what, forty years together?’ Charley nearly added, and all you’ve been through, but she swallowed the thought. ‘Does he know where you are?’

‘No.’

‘You should probably just tell him you’re here, otherwise he’ll worry.’

‘Let him,’ said Pam, picking up the knife again and brutally chopping an innocent apple into chunks. ‘I don’t want anyone to know. I just want to…’ she looked away, and drew in a shuddery breath. ‘I just want to run away and disappear,’ she finished, suddenly sounding exhausted.

‘That’s okay,’ said Charley, going over to Pam and putting her arms round her. ‘You’re allowed to run away and hide.’

When Josh died, Charley had fled to Pam’s. Overwhelmed by the aching emptiness, she had gone to ground in Josh’s childhood home seeking solace amongst his things, and his family. It was the only place where she didn’t feel stranded on an island of grief while the rest of the world drifted by, with what felt like heartless disregard for her agonising loss. And then there was Pam. Brave, loving, unbreakable Pam. The only one who really understood the ferocious, monstrous chasm of loss engulfing her, and the only one who could help her through it.

Pam had never been one to wear her bleeding heart on her sleeve or to pour out her sorrows in an unending stream like a broken record, so Charley was touched that the older woman had allowed herself to lean against Charley for a short while and take comfort from her. She rightly interpreted it as a gesture of trust and the affection they shared for each other.

‘I’m sorry, Pam. You really don’t deserve this.’

‘Does anybody?’

No, thought Charley.

Pam gave her a quick hug, swallowed hard and pulled away. ‘I lost a son. I can cope with losing a mere husband.’

Hardly surprisingly, the emotional roller coaster of the day took its toll on Pam and she woke late the following morning. Wandering into the kitchen in her dressing gown, she found Charley already sitting at the kitchen table at her computer.

‘Tea? Toast?’ Charley asked her.

‘Please. What sort of time is it?’

‘About half nine,’ said Charley, getting up and slotting two slices of thin white into the toaster and flicking the kettle on.

‘What?! Why aren’t you at work? Please don’t tell me you’ve taken the day off because of me?’ Pam was mortified, until, somewhat sheepishly, Charley confessed she’d been made redundant.

Pam’s initial sympathy rapidly switched to indignation that anyone would have the audacity to make Charley redundant. ‘Why couldn’t the new people keep you on?’ she demanded.

Charley shrugged. ‘Perhaps they have their own people.’

‘Well, they don’t deserve you,’ declared Pam. ‘Anyhow, somebody else will snap you up and it’ll serve them right.’

Charley gave her a warm smile and then handed her a plate of toast, together with a mug of tea. A slightly alarming thought hit Pam, and she put down the knife she’d just picked up to butter her toast. ‘Is that why you’ve done the flat up? Are you thinking of selling it?’

‘No! Absolutely not!’ exclaimed Charley.

‘So…’ Pam stopped, hesitating to pry into Charley’s affairs since it really was none of her business; yet at the same time, she was anxious about her. Adopting a deliberately casual tone, Pam said, ‘So, you’re okay for money.’ It was a statement, rather than a question.

‘Yes, of course,’ Charley said in rush. ‘Actually, I’ve taken a pub job.’ Concern sliced through Pam, and although she was quick to mask her feelings with a smile, Charley obviously saw something in her face as she added quickly, ‘It’s only until I can find something better.’

In the interests of banishing the mild air of discomfort now hanging between them, Pam briskly changed the subject. ‘Well, don’t feel you have to entertain me. I don’t want to gatecrash your day.’

‘You’re not. I’ve no plans at all.’ But as Charley’s eyes slid from hers, concern slid right back into Pam. ‘Do you have… any plans?’ Charley asked her lightly and Pam wondered if she was being deflected.

‘No. None at all. Apart from leaving my husband!’ she replied, with a brave stab at humour which brought a small smile from Charley. ‘But can I stay? For a while, just until I…’ she paused, not sure how long she would want to stay. ‘Well, until I get things sorted out,’ she finished vaguely.

‘You know you can. As long as you like.’

For a while it was quiet in the kitchen. Charley’s head was buried in her laptop and Pam assumed she was job-hunting. However, it didn’t take a genius to work out that since Charley didn’t have a proper job, had given the entire flat a makeover, and bought a new double bed, she was planning on letting the spare room. So, after a while, and bracing herself for an argument, Pam said, ‘If I’m going to stay, then I’m going to pay you rent.’

Charley’s head shot up from her laptop. ‘Absolutely not!’

‘Absolutely yes!’

Charley shut the lid of her laptop sharply, as if to express her determination. ‘Pam, I practically lived with you after Josh died, and I didn’t give you anything!’

The older woman looked at the earnest young face before her. She knew Charley needed the money. Was it pride stopping her from taking it, she wondered, or generosity? She decided it was probably a mix of the two so, shooting Charley a wicked look added, ‘I’ll get Geoff to pay it.’

Shortly afterwards, while Pam was in the shower, Angie phoned. ‘Fancy coming for coffee? Although I should warn you, the boys have just got water pistols. Some idiot put them in a party bag. They’d love to show them to you!’

‘I’ll bet they would!’ Charley laughed. ‘But can we make it another day? The thing is… I’ve sort of got a lodger. It’s Pam, actually, she’s just moved in and I don’t want to