Too Sweet to Die by T. Doyle (the false prince .TXT) 📗

“What’s the poacher story?” I asked.

“He caught his brother-in-law in a compromising position. He had to live through the drama of his baby sister’s divorce.” Kristi rushed her answer, watching Ray amble over.

I introduced the guys. “Joe, Ray. Or do you guys know each other?”

“Not really.” Joe shook Ray’s hand. “I left for college long before Ray started high school. Thanks for helping Charlie with the cabin clean up.”

“No problem.” Ray leaned over Kristi’s shoulder, waved to the bartender, and held up two fingers.

“I take it you’re a regular?” I sounded accusatory. Rats. I’d promised myself I’d be nicer.

“It’s a small town,” Ray said. “You know Kristi?”

“We worked together when I first moved to town.” I tipped my mug towards Kristi. “Any news about Oscar’s insulin pump?”

“Nothing yet. It could take a couple of weeks.”

“Can’t you rush it?” Ray asked.

Kristi turned on her stool and poked Ray in the chest. “No, it’s gone to the state lab, and I don’t have any pull there. Besides, I only agreed to this dinner so I could talk to you about getting your mom to back off my Aunt Evie.”

Ray’s face froze, looking like a Greek tragedy mask, with raised eyebrows. He rubbed his chest where she’d poked him.

Memories of Evie Feeney smooching Ray’s dad made my face pucker. “It’s true.”

“What?” Kristi asked me.

I shuddered. “Your Aunt Evie was totally going at it with Ray’s dad.”

Ray groaned, his head dropped and his hair tumbled forward, covering his face. “Just stop. Don’t say another word.”

Kristi’s face twisted like she could picture what I’d seen. “That’s just… Don’t you guys have rules there about fraternization or something?”

“They’re adults.” I refrained from eye rolling and got a facial tick. I rubbed my eye.

The bartender placed Kristi’s beer in front of her. “Can I get you anything else?” His suggestive tone made me blush, but Kristi gave his man-bun the squint eye and shook her head.

He plunked a rocks glass with amber liquid in front of Ray and turned away.

Ray waved to get the bartender’s attention, picked up his glass and swallowed. “I’m gonna need another.”

“Yes, sir.” The bartender grabbed a bottle of Four Roses Whiskey and refilled Ray’s glass.

Ray narrowed his eyes at me. “I can’t even with you right now.”

“Oh, shut it.” Kristi poked Ray again. “We’ll come back to that later.” She grabbed her beer and sucked down a huge gulp. “Or maybe not. Look, normally I wouldn’t get involved, but Evie is convinced your mom is plotting her murder.”

Ray scrubbed the back of his neck, like he was considering the very real possibility. “Is she?”

“I sincerely hope not. How crazy is your mom?” Kristi asked.

“Well, she’s not hearing-voices crazy—she’s more leave-the-stove-on crazy.” Ray played with the rim of his glass.

Kristi chuffed. “On a scale of one to shaving Mr. Graham’s Sheepdog for pooping on your lawn; where’s your mom?”

I blinked and looked to Joe for confirmation that Mr. Graham’s shaved sheepdog was part of the infamous history of Forest Forks. His yeah-what-are-you-going-to-do eye roll confirmed it.

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds it may incriminate me.” Ray took a swig.

“I knew it was her.” Kristi punched his shoulder. “Just do me a favor and find out if your mother has any plans to murder my aunt.”

“I’ll do that.” Ray crossed his heart.

Kristi studied him closely, and then relaxed. “Okay. Thanks.”

Ray eyed me like I was the last crescent roll in the basket. “Charlie, you’re gonna have to go with me for that conversation.”

“Why me?” I asked.

“Because my mom likes you, and she’s less likely to smack me in front of you.”

“Are you afraid of your mother, Ray?” My lips twitched, but I contained the grin and sipped my beer.

“Lady, Attila the Hun would cross the street to avoid her.” He finished his drink.

The hostess approached. “Y’all want a booth together?”

“That’d be great,” Kristi said.

“This way.” The hostess motioned with the menus.

Wondering if we’d unintentionally cock-blocked Ray, I decided I didn’t care. I slid off the stool, grabbed my beer and followed Joe, sliding into the booth beside him. My hand automatically found his under the table.

Ray followed Kristi, and crowded her in the booth.

“Afraid to be alone with me, Kristi?” Ray murmured.

“Nah. You do realize I can surgically remove all your interesting bits in minutes, right?” Kristi tilted her head and batted her eyes.

Joe choked on his beer.

I patted Joe’s back. “Jeez, I was worried about cock-blocking and you’re ready to go Lorena Bobbit or Lizzie Borden.” I saluted Kristi.

Ray eased away from her. “That’s a bit vicious.”

Kristi’s self-deprecating half-shrug was at odds with her mischievous smile. “I get that a lot. Well, that and ‘how can you be around dead people all day’?”

“They don’t ask stupid questions.” Ray dead-panned.

“Exactly.” She nudged his shoulder. “What are you doing, now that you’re retired?”

He stroked his chin. “Growing a beard.”

Kristi pet his cheek. Was she intentionally flirting with him?

Ray pulled his head back, his expression curious.

Kristi caressed his chin hairs some more. “It’s nice. Not too long, soft. It works for you.”

Ray relaxed. “Mom hates it.” He stretched his arms out, dropping them on the back cushion, a whimsical smile in his eyes.

“Did you two date in high school,” I asked.

“God, no.” Kristi’s quick answer didn’t seem to bother Ray.

Ray pointed to Joe. “How’d you meet Charlie?”

“I was a lowly chief-resident working in the ER when she came in for her externship. And that was that.” Joe wrapped his arm around me.

“He literally came up to me, shook my hand, licked the back of it and said, ‘I licked it, this one’s mine,’ in front of several strangers.” I snuggled in closer, loving Joe’s warmth and sense of humor.

He kissed my cheek. “And she played hard to get.”

“True.” I kissed his chin. “I refused to marry him the first time he asked. However, we’d only been dating for two months at the time.”

“When you know, you know.” His certainty lit a fire that heated me from my head to