Me Life Story by Scarlett Moffatt (best classic books of all time txt) 📗

It got so bad with them shouting stuff out during class that the teachers decided it would be best to put me in isolation. Yes, that’s right, I was just trying to do my work but I was the one being punished by being isolated even more. So I had to sit in a room with five other kids and do worksheets, so now my education was suffering because I wasn’t getting the same lessons as that gaggle of bitches.

They even created a website all about me (which now when I look back, I’m pretty flattered about). It was pretty shit graphics, like I don’t think Mark Zuckerberg will be calling them up asking about their layout plans any time soon. But it was a site saying I loved Digimon and that I had no friends and it included a little poem about my teeth. Sounds silly now but at the time I was devastated. I cried so much. Because I was separated from the gaggle during lessons they came at me during breaks and threatened to kick my head in after school. Again the solution was to reduce my education: they let me out of school ten minutes early, so I would wander round Asda car park for an extra ten minutes and contemplate what the fuck was my life.

I loved getting into my house, it was a safety blanket. I found TV very helpful then. It’s an escape really. I remember watching a lot of Victoria Wood, and she always seemed to take the mick out of herself. I thought, ‘Well, she seems happy enough’ so then I started doing the same really. It was nice as well because at the time on the telly all of the girls were just beautiful. They were either sidekicks or news presenters and they were all very well groomed. Even in cartoons, there was never someone that was average-looking. You were either a geek or you were in the cool group.

Whereas Victoria Wood broke that mould because she took the mick out of herself. She would do these sketch shows where she looked stupid and she’d wear a swimming cap or a beret, but people were laughing with her, not at her. That was a breakthrough moment for me. I realised, ‘Oh right, so you don’t have to be either beautiful or geeky. You can just be average-looking and funny.’

I think I really learnt from that. It’s weird because you don’t even think at the time that you really are learning from it, but Victoria Wood definitely taught me a lesson. She showed me that making myself the butt of jokes could help me at school. I think that is why my mam and dad joked a lot with me as well, just to show it doesn’t mean that people hate you if they’re joking. You’ve just got to take it on the chin. But I also remember my dad saying, ‘Just ignore those girls because it’s jealousy.’ I was like, ‘Dad, what are they jealous of? I don’t understand. I think they’re just being evil. Are they jealous that I turn up looking like a mahogany door every Monday because I’ve been to a dance competition? I don’t get it.’

Inspired by Victoria Wood, I decided in Year 9 to start taking the piss out of myself. I mean, can words really hurt if you’re giggling at them yourself? I made friends with a few of the girls who were also always on their period every week when we went to the swimming baths for P.E. Every week: ‘Sorry Sir, we are on our periods so we can’t go in the water.’ No male teacher is going to argue with a bunch of thirteen-year-olds about menstrual cycles.

I started to enjoy school more; the bullying never stopped but it had almost become bearable. One day all of the Year 9 classes were called to a surprise assembly. We were all speculating at what we thought it was going to be about. ‘Oh my God, has someone died?’ ‘Maybe one of the teachers has won the lottery and is leaving one of their favourite pupils loads of dosh?’ ‘Maybe Mr Green has been outed as a pervert, he is a bit odd.’

It was none of these things.

‘Stacey Dixon has won a competition in Mizz magazine for writing a short story,’ the head announced. ‘She has come first, and her prize is that our school is going to hold the 2004 Mizz prom!’

It was amazing. There were going to be celebrities like Paul Danan from Hollyoaks, who went on to appear in the first ever Celebrity Love Island, and some blonde woman from Big Brother called Shell would be making an appearance. There would be chocolate fountains, mocktail makers and of course someone was going to be crowned prom king and queen.

The whole assembly started to buzz like an old fridge. It was so exciting, nothing like this ever happened in Bishop Auckland. Everyone started chatting about dresses and dates. Shit, I thought, I need to get a date.

Now I literally had nothing to lose at school, it’s not like I could ruin my street cred by getting rejected. So I thought sod it, I’ve got to ask Seamus if he’ll go to the prom with me. What’s the worst that can happen? He can say no and I’m in the same position I’m in now. I was thirteen, and despite fancying the lad for two years I’d probably said about ten words to him in my whole life. So I just went up to him at breaktime, bold as brass.

‘Hiya, you OK?’

‘Yeah, you feeling OK? Not like you to be chatty.’

‘I know, I think it’s the excitement of this prom thing. Do you think you will go?’

‘Yeah, defo, me and all the lads are going to get a stretch limo like pimps.’

‘You going as a pimp, ha, can I be your ho?’

And yes, that’s exactly how I asked him. I wanted the