Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men by Wonderly, Morgan (best e ink reader for manga .txt) 📗

we trust them enough to reveal our hearts. If being vulnerable does result in any kind of bad treatment, it’s not the quality of being feminine that’s the issue; it’s a sign we’re with the wrong man. Instead of staying in a bad relationship where we need to guard our natural femininity, we need to find a good man who we can be feminine with.

Paul said, “Trust is a strong foundation for intimacy. When I feel that she is giving me her trust, it ignites attraction and strengthens my feelings for her.”

Men Need to Feel Appreciated

When men extend themselves through kind gestures and don’t receive appreciation or gratitude for it, they feel disheartened, as if they are engaged in an empty gesture without meaning. When we value what they do for us and express it in some positive way, they want to do more for us. If they take our car in for repair or do our taxes or fix a broken computer, we can show our appreciation by smiling, being affectionate, offering words of gratitude, or preparing a special meal. When we express appreciation for what men do for us, such as chivalry and generosity, their experience is much like our experience when men express appreciation for our beauty.

Irving, an Engineer in San Diego said, “We want to feel appreciated for our chivalry. If we don’t get appreciated for it, we stop doing it.”

And men want to feel appreciated for the masculine things they do. While a man is capable of changing a baby’s diaper or unloading the dishwasher, he is much more likely to find our requests meaningful when they specifically leverage his masculine traits: his bravery in going downstairs in the dark to check out a suspicious noise, his physical strength to change a flat tire or lift a heavy box, or his intellect and reasoning to solve a complex problem.

Even if we don’t have a man in our lives right now, we can appreciate men as a whole. Men don’t get enough acknowledgment or appreciation today. Men have invented, designed, and built almost everything we use on a daily basis for the betterment of society—and we benefit from that. So, when we notice men working on the roads or picking up our trash, we can wave and say “Thank you”. Or at the very least, we can hold appreciation in our hearts for what they do. For a reference, there are helpful lists in the appendix on what men do for us that make our lives better.

“Never pass up an opportunity to express appreciation. It costs nothing and has a lasting payoff.”

– Philip, Personal Consultant, Encinitas, CA

Men Need Time Alone

For men, time alone is fundamental. When they head off into the garage, the backyard, the golf course, or the den, they aren’t making a statement about us or trying to ignore us. When men need space, we can accommodate them by simply leaving them alone without interrupting them. They will love us for respecting their needs. When they come out of their time alone, they will be more open and available to bond with us.

Unless we want to annoy and disrespect a man, it’s better to avoid the habit of calling him from a different room expecting him to come to us. If a man is not in a room with us, it is better if we imagine he is in his cave or fortress of solitude recharging and becoming more secure, relaxed, and reflective for us. We leave him in peace so that we can have his full attention later when he emerges from his solitude.

Similarly, repeatedly interrupting a man’s private time can feel like we are hauling him up from a deep-sea dive. It gives his psyche the bends. If we interrupt him just to ask if he likes the curtains, he can start to get annoyed. Instead, we can create ways to let him know, with some kind of a “when you have a moment” signal, to initiate non-urgent conversations.

Thus, we shouldn’t be surprised if we describe a problem to a man and he seems to zone out for a minute before coming back. It doesn’t mean he is empty-minded or uncaring. On the contrary, he has probably imagined the scenario in vivid detail and rehearsed how he would respond so that he can be better prepared to protect us. We tend to mentally criticize a man in moments like this, thinking he is not being present with us, when he may actually be highly present and thinking of ways to protect us.

Men Need to Win with Us

Although men like to compete, they don’t like to compete with their women, they want to win with us. Men win when we are happy, accepting, and admiring of them. They win when we acknowledge and appreciate their accomplishments. They win when we trust them enough to ask for their advice—and then follow it.

We can also help men win with us by giving them clear, specific information regarding what we want and need. When it comes to tasks, men don’t like ambiguity because they can’t read our minds. If we make our requests simple and to the point, it helps men win with us.

Men want to win with us when giving us gifts but they often don’t know what we prefer. So they don’t mind hints. Consider giving him a list of possible birthday/anniversary gifts. Give him specific information about where to find it, including the store, section of the store, etc. If it’s perfume, tell him what color the package is, or even download a picture of it so that he can be sure he is getting the right one. If a woman wants flowers, she can mention to him that she loves red roses or pink tulips.

It might sound unromantic, but men appreciate clear guidance, as long as it’s done in a way that’s not demanding. They will know they’ve won with us when we’re happy we got what we